Is the US home? Or the UK?

Scotland is my home. Been here almost 11 years (I've been on UKY for 11 years  )  Scotland is where I live, love, and emotionally reside.  As soon as I moved, it felt like home.  I've lived in a wide variety of rented places, which never felt like home, but Scotland has always felt home.   I lived with my now husband in his old house for 18 months and it never felt like my home either.  But Scotland, always, home.

However, now we've lived in our current house now for over 3 years and it feels like home.  My husband designed our house and it's the first house I have ever had that I wasn't renting.  It is our first house together where we both had a say in the decor and what we wanted.  And that feels like home.  And my guinea pigs, chickens and fish there. It's home.

My parents house is also home, but the town I grew up in, is an armpit of a place. That town isn't home.   I moved out of my parents house, basically 20 years ago, but never lost the connection. However, if they sold it (and oh I wish they would , they need somewhere smaller, more fuel efficient, and cheaper), I wouldn't feel sad in the slightest. Family can go wherever, and that will be home. 
 
It's a weird thing to describe.   
 

I'm still at the point I miss home, back in the US. But when I discuss anything here (ie out running errands and then heading "home") of course it means my house here. But I'm smack in the middle of a really challenging adjustment to life here. I am taking the right steps and have hope this will feel like home in time.

Guess it depends on the day really. I'm not married to a British man, we chose to live here, it will be 5 years in January. There are great days like when we go to an awesome show, or the flower market, rainy fall weekends, or access to amazing [insert anything here] and I can't think of living anywhere else. Then there are the days when the political rhetoric gets you down, you have a bad day at work, the neighbors are driving you crazy, or nothing seems to work. Those are the days when I start looking at property back in the US or Sweden, or jobs in the EU, or wishing to be somewhere where we know all the rules.

I say I am from my hometown, which is true, I was born there and its small enough where my family name matters. But I didn't grow up there and moved around the US - this was my seventh move across the continent. I didn't go to high school in the same town where I went to junior high, which wasn't the same town as where I went to elementary school. Not even the same states. More often than not now when we go back to the US we tend to go to California or Florida, and not often to my home state, which is none of the three I went to school in. Im not close to my siblings, my family is very small and dying off, and I don't have any close friends left from high school or college.  It doesn't really bother me, I learned a long time ago how to be independent and how to say goodbye.

Thankfully my partner is a wonderful guy who, although he grew up in a small town, couldn't wait to get out of there and never look back. He has loads of friends and small family still there, and its fun to go visit, but to be there for longer periods of time we would need our own space.

So, we have quite a bit of wanderlust and eventually want to have multiple homes to take advantage of everything. Some days I forget where something is kept here because I am remembering where it was kept in a former house in the US. Or, where are my ice skates (pretty sure they are in Sweden right now). He has boxes of vinyl records in the UK, Sweden, and at my parent's house, which is becoming something of a running joke. Someday we will see them again, but probably not here.

I love reading these stories. I've been wondering how I will feel about all of this in 5-10 years. There's so much adventure to be had! So much to learn in a new country.

There are great days like when we go to an awesome show, or the flower market, rainy fall weekends, or access to amazing [insert anything here] and I can't think of living anywhere else. Then there are the days when the political rhetoric gets you down, you have a bad day at work, the neighbors are driving you crazy, or nothing seems to work. Those are the days when I start looking at property back in the US or Sweden, or jobs in the EU, or wishing to be somewhere where we know all the rules.

I definitely know what you mean with this bit. I just try to remind myself that I would be dealing with this on bad days regardless of whether I'm in the US or the UK.

Late to the party, but here's my not original response:

I was a military brat growing up, so never really had a "home" home.  We just had a house where my immediate family lived, that we called home until my dad got orders and we moved on to the next house.  So "home" meant my immediate family.

Then my older sister got married and moved out.  I went off to university, and then grad school.  My little sister joined the military.  My dad passed away.  My mom met someone else (online!) who lives in a neighbouring state and she spends more time there than in my family's last house.  My brother and his wife occupy the house now, but the rest of us are scattered, or are no longer around.  (And this doesn't even touch on the interpersonal dynamics between some of us... <wink>.)  So "home" by my original definition doesn't exist anymore.

Meanwhile, my husband and I have built a life together here, and it is almost exactly what I imagined for myself as a kid/younger adult (the state of my house is the only thing that's "wrong", and that can be fixed with time, money, and hard work).  So this is definitely home. *

But, still, in a casual sense, if I am talking about a trip back to the US (something I'm not planning, and that I haven't done since I came over on my fiance visa in early 2013), I will refer to the US as "back home".  But it wouldn't feel like home when I was there.  It's just a word I use.

* Funnily, my home here is called House.  My husband and I personify things, and I'm really bad (literal) at making up names, so our lovely, lovely home is called House.

This is so true for me. They're both home, but Ohio more so. My heart is there. No question. I'm very close to my family, so that's a huge part of it. My husband's family isn't as close... he has uncles, cousins, etc. he barely knows, and nieces and nephews he's never met. Not his fault of course, it's just sad that his family (more so on his Dad's side) is disjointed. No plans for kids for at least a few more years. I'm hopeful we'll be in the US by then, as we'd have much more family support there.

I visit fairly frequently. Currently here in Ohio for 6 weeks. I'm very fortunate to have an understanding husband, and a job I do 100% remotely.

That's a great post. I'm really happy to hear that things are working out well for you.

Home is where my friends are.
Home is where I work.
Home is where my kids go to school.
Home is where I know the people at the grocery
Home is where I know the people who serve me food.
Home is where I walk down the street and randomly run into some friend.
Home is where I know which road has a shortcut around traffic.
Home is where I have a friend I can call in an emergency that I trust to watch my kids or come help me.
in short, home is where my community is.

At one time all of this was where I grew up in the USA, but now that has changed.