Question regarding joint custody issues

Hi,

I'm new here but have been reading as much information as I can. I share custody of my son with my ex husband, though my son lives with me full time. He spends two nights per week with his dad, and just one night every other weekend. I am looking to the future wondering if I will ever be able to convince him to let my son move with me to the UK. I have read some posts on child custody issues and similair concerns. I just wonder for those of you who have been in this situation,  how did you approach the issue with your ex? I wouldnt even know where to begin, he's so stubborn and rude with me its hard to know what to say. I would offer to have my son visit him on school breaks and in the summer, but just don't know how I get any of that out without him immediately shutting me down. Any help would be greatly appreciated! Thank you.

I was just reading the thread started by alzbabybird, and towards the end, what she offered her ex was:

"-every easter
-every summer
-every other xmas
-pay for 100% travel
-after i get a steady income 1 week of every winter *so instead of 2x a year it will be 3x a year
-we both pay for child care when (the child) is with us
-i will purchase web cams for both of them
-send copies of all report cards and medical records
-i will initiate/pay for phone calls 3-4 times a week"

I wouldn't necessarily start that way though, I believe she worked up to this. I'd hold back on a few so you have something else to offer him later on if you need to.

Good luck with it all. My husband and I are starting to look into child custody issues with his children as well. It all seems to get so complicated. 

I have had a terrible time with my ex husbeast since moving here over four years ago. We are going to court in April to try to get things settled. Whatever you do make sure you get EVERYTHING in writing or it will come back to bite you in the a$$ I promise you! IM me if you have any questions
Best of luck!
Ricki

Thank you both for your advice and input. I don't think talking to my ex will ever accomplish anything good, I guess that's why he's my EX. That's also why I dread the thought of bringing it up, and fighting it out with him. He argues anything I say just to try and upset me. But the information I have found here has been helpful and I really appreciate your replies. And thanks Ricki I may take you up on that and bug you with more questions! I wish you both the best of luck with your custody cases! Happy Holidays

I can sympathize with you....my ex and I are NOT on good terms at all.  There are some really good reasons that he is my ex!  However, although I have physical custody of the kids we have joint legal custody and I will NOT risk taking the kids to live in Scotland without ensuring that I am legally able to do so.  As tough as it is to swallow, this means that I need his permission to move the kids.

While dealing with my ex is difficult, there are a couple of things I've done that I think have helped in this situation.  First, I informed him of my plans early.  And I made sure he heard about my plans from ME, and not from the kids.  By making sure he knows what my plans are well ahead of time, he's got time to actually THINK about what I'm asking instead of just reacting.  The second thing I've done is made sure that our discussions regarding my moving are in writing, either by letter or email.  The reasons are two-fold.  First, the documentation is important.  But second, communicating about this in writing has helped to keep this potentially emotionally volatile subject on a more intellectual level.  He's got some questions and concerns which, as a parent, he should have.  When he asks his questions in writing, I can respond without getting defensive, and vice versa.  Things are not completely settled yet, but I'm optimistic that we'll have everything hammered out within the next few months.  And I'm hopeful we'll be able to do it without going to court.

(Now if he was still married to wife #2, it could be a whole different story..... ) 

Thanks Closet Hippie, you have some really good points! I like the idea of communicating in writing to avoid the defensive/offensive game we always end up playing when trying to discuss anything. I may be lucky that Wife #2 is in the picture, she would be more than happy to see my child out of the country. It seems she is competing with a child for my ex's attention!! How sad. Thanks again for your insight.