I just wanted to stop in and give another update. My ILR expires in four months. I feel conflicted about this.
On the one hand, my life is going okay at the moment in the US. I work an okay job that doesn't really pay that well and isn't that much fun, but, it's a job and could lead to other things down the road. I've been acting in the community for the last year and a half and have grown a lot through performing. It keeps me busy. I love the support of my family and value the fact that they are all so close. As I watch my parents slowly grow older and older, I cherish the moments I have with them (hopefully I have another 30 years or so with each of them). I know that this would be unsustainable if I were to move back to the UK.
And yet, I still miss it. I think about it every day. The people. The places. The green grass...the pubs, the accents, the diversity, all of it. I miss my friends. But I regularly have to remind myself that if I went back...it wouldn't be how I left it. Certain friends have moved away, I've lost contact with others. I'm sure the city I lived in has changed a bit as well. I think, what I want more than anything, is to go back in time and freeze it, and live in suspended state where everything just seemed perfect. But I also know that I tend to look at the past through rose-tinted glasses. I'm almost certain that it's a feeling of the grass always being greener.
In a way, I am anxious to see how I feel when my visa expires. The door on moving back will be closed to me, probably forever. And I wonder if, with that change, I'll feel deep remorse, or a permanent peace. I hope it will help me to finally and fully move on. But I am also afraid that I will only realize what I truly had after it's too late.
