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Topic: Expat guilt - does it ever go away?  (Read 2037 times)

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Expat guilt - does it ever go away?
« on: May 17, 2024, 11:12:25 AM »
Hiya, just wondering if anyone has advice around expat guilt? I’m a USC (only child) moved to be with British husband  several years ago. My parents took it reasonably well and slowly developed a relationship with my spouse. We ultimately tried a move back to the US but it was shortly after Covid and was a bit of a disaster (job loss/reverse culture shock/lack of supportetc) and ultimately made the move back to UK for at least short term. My parents have not responded well, to the point of blaming it all on my spouse and essentially ignoring him/our marriage. They’ve made it clear they feel I’ve abandoned them and prefer not knowing how my life is going in the UK. I can see how this is their own selfish behavior likely coming from a place of hurt, but I’m finding it difficult to move past it. Suppose just wonder if there are any other similar stories out there and if you’ve been able to work thru it?


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Re: Expat guilt - does it ever go away?
« Reply #1 on: June 01, 2024, 11:46:04 AM »
Expat guilt. Mine is entirely different.

I have a sibling, he lives near them and I did before I moved. He has children, my husband and I do not. They're all relatively healthy. We are not. We could never move back to the US due to healthcare costs for my husband alone. My mom does understand this, but it didn't stop her from guilt tripping the hell out of me for months before I moved and still doing it after I moved. She got a whole helluva lot better about it when I sat her down and told her how it made me feel and how I already knew how it would affect everybody and how I was already thinking about all of these things myself without needing to be reminded. She realised she was making me, who already felt bad, feel even worse. And she, as someone who loves and cares for me, didn't want to do that, so she did her best to stop.

So no. If you care about your family, you'll always have some emotions around not being able to be there for everything. But if you're parents are constantly being jerks about it after you have had conversations with them about it. That's on them and I'm sorry they're being buttheads.
The usual. American girl meets British guy. They fall into like, then into love. Then there was the big decision. The American traveled across the pond to join the Brit. And life was never the same again.


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