Trust

Is it a matter of trust with everything for long distance? Am I not allowed to question something I find unusual in comparison to what I know from american culture and from someone's past?

I posted something under jobs (standard business practice), but maybe this is more appropriate. I have been hit with the, "you don't trust me completely" statement more often than not when it comes to my brit bf. I do trust him, but I have experienced and have seen my girlfriends experience being played the fool all too often to not ask questions when things sound/look out of the ordinary.

Opinions please...

aaaaaahhhhhh trust.  trust is so amazingly important in an overseas relationship.  i never, not once questioned anything my husband did.......

i did, once, throw a fit as i saw it disrespectful that he slept in another woman's studio apartment after a party.  she may be one of his friends, but he was my fiancee and the fact that she was after him at one time made me feel like he wasn't respecting me by doing that.  (he slept on the floor and there were about 5 others there too).

anyway i feel like it depends on what you're questioning.

Hmmm...trust is my big hangup.  When we were dating, I questioned a lot of stuff (and rightly so, in some cases!   ) and I do think (no, I know) I held DH to a higher standard than I would've had he lived 5 minutes down the road.

I guess it's really a personal issue and a matter of how much "not knowing" you can take.  Some people can't handle a long distance relationship because it's impossible to KNOW that your partner is telling the truth (How do you know he's calling from his mom's house?  He could be at some chick's house!, etc., etc.) and it's matter of knowing whether or not you're that type of person.

the necessity of a hotel room for an after work social event when he could take a cab home (we've done it before from there).

Yeah, that's exactly the kind of thing I would question.  I'd probably ride him on it until he didn't go to the hotel room.  And I'd call to make sure.  But I'm a biotch!   

I should probably clarify that I wouldn't do this now -- I trust him totally now that I can actually see him every day! 

I have SERIOUS trust issues.

Which is how I knew that my husband was *the one.*  Because he is the only person in the entire world I trust 100%.  I don't even trust my mother 100%.  But my husband - absolutely no doubt about him or what he does or who he does it with or when or where or anything.

my best friend said that since things are going so well btwn us, that I should trust a little more. Plus, he has yet to give me a reason to not trust him. We both have our past indescretions while with past relationships, so that doesn't count now.

I think I'm just being selfish and needy - it has been a week since I left my last visit and we've both been really busy this week.

yes but I can understand how you feel -- it helped me that my Steve basically called me every night just before he went to sleep & no matter where he was staying:  at a hotel for business or a wedding, family home, and at a female friend's house

C

well now it's down to the fact that I do have trust issues. He has given me no reason whatsoever to distrust him, yet i can't help but go nuts if I am in the dark about him for whatever reason. I have felt this way before about past bfs and it has caused problems. I have just bought some books, but I may need real help. It kills me b/c I want to have that trust and faith the way he has for me.

  well now it's down to the fact that I do have trust issues.

according to?

And if you do, can he as your partner help you work through them?

He said he will do whatever it takes to help me with this. I do have trust issues w/ guys - I'm sure I could pay a lot of money to a therapist to figure out it has to do w/ a, b, c...but for now a couple of books will have to do plus some daily work on my part. I can be darn insecure about myself and us pretty easily. Some of it may be b/c I am moving soon and will be totally dependent on him which is NOT how I was raised.

Some of it may be b/c I am moving soon and will be totally dependent on him which is NOT how I was raised.

Yes, I'm sure that's a big part of it.  Also -- I think it will all be fine though, Andrea.  Plus you know you have friends over here to help you too (online or in the area).

Hey if I can do this at 40 (teaching an old dog new tricks & all) -- it'll be a breeze for you.

Hey Andrea ... I think most people in long distance relationships go through this to some degree, so don't go stressing yourself out about "needing help."  I can see why you might feel weird about this night in the hotel thing but if it was really something untoward do you think he would tell you about it?  You're not even in the same country as him and I bet you call him on hs mobile all the time so if he wanted to keep something a secret from you he very easily could. You really can't keep tabs on someone from that distance, he could be anywhere doing anything.  I'm not saying that to freak you out even more but you obviously already have built up a good measure of trust in each other or you wouldn't be able to to carry on this long distance relationship this long.  I think this is just a blip that you'll get over and be fine. 

Andrea - I used to trust people until they gave me a reason not to trust them - but that got me hurt.. however I do trust my bf in the UK 100%.. and he's the only person I trust that much, because we were friends long before we got together.  And we'v egot a long road ahead - if I want it to work, I HAVE to trust him... You are going to school though in the fall and you will get to be with him so I think things are just fine - as he is helping you out too. and he honestly loves you, from what i can tell so dont worry so much - you've got a great guy