Suggestions for trans-atlantic weddings

Hello.

I've just gotten engaged! I'm really excited, but the difficulties of trying to plan a wedding that accomodates our friends and family on both sides of the atlantic is starting to sink in. I'd love to hear how others managed to do it. While our immediate families and possibly a few close friends would probably be able to make the trip, most of our friends couldn't afford it. I'm American and my finace (sounds so nice to say that!) is British. I've been thinking about having a ceremony in one country and reception in the other, and of course there is always the option of doing it on a tropical island...but I'm worried that if we do that, instead of just eliminating one of our sets of friends we'd be eliminating everyone.  Thanks in advance for the advice and stories!

CONGRATS!!!! (first of all!)  Being Engaged is so exciting!

We had the big schebang in the states, in CT where I grew up.  It was heavenly and about 12 brits made it-I had a full array of stuff from the rehersal dinner BBQ to the wedding and a brunch the next day to say 'thanks' to them for coming all the way over.  I also rented a bus for them (and other guests) so no one drunk drived.

His parents threw us a reception here when i moved here for the people who couldn't make it.  I wore my dress again (amazed i could fit into it a month and a half later) and had a blast.  There were about 50 people there and they did a really nice job.   His brother did lighting for the place, it was an old classic english church (no longer used for worship) and it was catered and they had a piano player there.

Amazing, and worked out really well for everyone.  Transatlantic weddings can be tough, but it was nice to have a solution like this!

We were married in the US (I'm the US half of the couple).  I have a much bigger family, so it would have been incredibly expensive for them to all travel to the UK.  Also, I wanted to be very hands-on with the planning, so it was just easier to do it that way.  Also, we wanted to go to the consulate for my spousal visa in person, so we just planned our honeymoon accordingly.  For us, it was cheaper that way -- rather than paying for a fiancee' visa for the UK for me and then having to pay again to adjust my status to spouse.

We're toying with the idea of a renewal ceremony over here in the UK for our 5-year anniversary.

Hi there!

Congratulations on your engagement!

My fiance and I are getting married in June--he is USAian; I am UKian.  Like anyone in a trans-Atlantic relationship, we realised the impracticalilties of where to get married.  We soon realised that wherever we had our wedding, most people were going to have to fly in!

We are getting married in Gibraltar, as my mother lives in Spain, and we wanted to get married in English and under British law.  We thought that even less people would be able to make our wedding, but so far it looks like we're having 100 people! Wherever you decide to have your wedding, you may be surprised by how many people will look at it as having the opportunity to have a mini-holiday. Seems as though we also bypass the whole interview process & a lot of paperwork by getting married abroad!

We also told our guests that their coming to the wedding was the best gift we could ask for, so not to bother with buying us a gift. I think that made people more game!

Ultimately the decision may boil down to where it is more practical for you to get married for the purposes of immigration. If you are planning on living in the UK for a while, it may make more sense to do it over here.

Keep us posted!
Flaurena

Flaurena - I was wondering where you'd got to! 

We got married here in a tiny ceremony with essentially no one invited but for our witnesses and their spouses. Then had a big party here for his family and my mom is throwing a big 1st anniversary party for us in the US. This way we had an intimate, special ceremony, no one had their feelings hurt, no one felt obligated to spend mass money to travel, and everyone got to/gets to celebrate with us.... Worked for us, but we're not big hoo-ha wedding types anyway.... 

HI AnneG!

I was wondering the same about you! How was your big day?

Flaurena

We looked at a lot of things, and decided to get married in the States. 

Our reason were my mom being on dialysis, making travel difficult and dad is ill as well.  His parents have both passed away. 

We both have VERY big families, but his siblings all have grown-adult children, and my siblings have (a dozen between them) very young single-digit age children. 

In the end, we decided to have a traditional wedding in my home town, in the same church my folks were married in.  As his siblings are all older and don't have young'uns at home, they are able to afford the trip, and are all coming to small-town-USA for the nuptuals.  Some of his friends and cousins will also be making the trip.

We have talked about doing a blessing of the marriage in his home-town church later, so that friends and family unable to make the trip to the states can celebrate with us..

I am in similar situation..but my English bf (oops...fiance!) and I both live in the US. We have decided to get married (which, frankly was the easy part!) now we need to decide when and where to do the deed. I had my heart set on the registry office or vegas..but he wants a church and a vicar! His family is in Leicestershire and my sister and her husband are in Bracknell, so there is a good case to be made for doing it in the UK....sigh...why he won't just run away I have NO idea! Anyway, I am enjoying reading everyone's stories!

Hello,

I'm enjoying reading everyone's stories, it's always good to hear about people going through similiar situations.

My fiance's English and I'm American.  After some back and forth, we decided to get married in England.  No matter where we held it, some people weren't going to be able to come.  For me, this means most of my friends.  For him it probably meant most of his friends and family (his mother isn't in the best of health).  I have a lot of extended family as well, and since we don't want this to be a massive affair, we're keeping it to close family and whichever friends can come.  It will probably be around 50 people total.   I'd like to have an American event, either a renewal of vows or an anniversary party, at some point.  We may move to America in a few years, so we'll probably do it then once we can afford it (my family is taking care of the British wedding).  That way my friends and extended family will be able to come, and fingers crossed, I'll still be able to fit into my wedding dress.

He actually found the venue, which is a hotel in the Lake District: www.armathwaite-hall.com

Good luck with your planning jessielee, and everyone else who's getting married.  Our wedding is on May 30, I still can't believe how much we've organized in such a short time (we only set a date on Valentine's Day)...and how much there still is to do!

We had a registry wedding in England. 3 months later we flew to the US for a 2 week hoilday and had a "wedding show" there, basically an American wedding minus the legal bit, my little brother "performing" the ceremony. I got to wear the dress, have the cakse, etc. It was a blast, a big party. It was a way to have both countries involved. Wedding in one country, party in the other.

We have decided to do it here in Mexico as it would be almost impossible for the people here to go to England. We want to have something small, just close friends and family. It will be around 70 people, no more.

I have found the venue, its a lovely place just outside the city and I know Tom will love it too. I dont know how to add pictures here or I would show you.
We're still deciding the date, we have talked and definitely we wont do it this year, i still have a lot of things to do here and also, it is a true mess the paper work for the religious wedding!
I was thinking probably april 2006 as I love that month. But i think it could be too hot for him, we still need to discuss it a bit.

We're also thinking that once that we're  in London, we will do a small party for his family and friends who cant come. But we dont know for certain yet.

We got married in England for several reasons... Both our families & close circles of friends are small -- we didn't want a big 'do'. We kind of decided the location in favor of my DH, as it was his first time (and my third--and it IS a charm). His parents are both living & healthy, able senior citizens, whereas my father has long been dead & mom is in a nursing home with dementia & not particularly mobile. Also, I was moving from the US to England & we both felt nervous about taking such a big leap of faith -- so I moved over in a mutual understanding that we'd plan a wedding but still leave room for cold feet and/or possibly bailing out if didn't appear to be working out beforehand. Moved over last March, didn't actually begin planning the wedding in earnest until about July 1st or so, got married on Aug 14! Everything just came together brilliantly, as we found a small country-house style hotel that just happened to have a Saturday wedding cancellation. There were 20 people all together, including the two of us, which made for a very sweet & intimate ceremony & reception. We put the money into having a really nice sit-down evening meal with everyone seated around the same oblong table. One of my two brothers who pilots for a major US commercial airline & his wife were able to attend from my family. We flew my best friend from the States & his girlfriend over so they could attend and do poetry readings in the ceremony. Everyone commented on how lovely & intimate the day was. Happily ever after... :-)

Carolyn B

Hiya!! 

I'm getting married in about a year.  I'm the American and he's British.  Our plan is turning out to be somewhat complex, but it gives us a lot of freedom so we're sticking with it.

We will have our 'pre-wedding stateside reception' (I was trying to come up with the longest nickname possible) in GA before I move.  I will wear my dress, there will be dancing, cake, etc...just no ceremony. 

Once I move there (about a month later) we will get married in the registry office in London with about 20 close friends and family and then out to eat afterward.

We wanted something small and in England, but my family also wanted to have a party here to make sure they got to see me before I left.  So far no complaints.  A few rude comments about us having a reception before getting married, but not from anyone who matters.  And I get to wear my dress twice!!

we're getting married next Feb in his hometown of Coventry as we felt it was easier for my side to travel (he has elderly grandparents and cousins with several small children) and because we'll be living in the UK.  Hopefully most of my US friends and family will be able to make it.

there has been discussion - no engagement or anything official yet - that we will have it in the US, ceremony and reception. There will be fewer of his friends, but he doesn't have a large family anyway and I have many more family and friends in the states. I like the idea of a small party as well in England w/ his friends, maybe just something casual to celebrate like going out to dinner. Our biggest problem is when to have it b/c I want to finish my masters first and THEN plan a wedding, not do both at the same time.

Good luck and let us know what you decide