Advice please - job frustrations (somewhat long)

Hello,

I'm usually not one to vent my frustrations or hurt but this time it's too much for me to cope with.  It's kind of a long story so I'll try and speed though - so sorry if there is some confusion in all of this. 

I came here to the UK last August, and I started school (Beauty Therapy) 3 weeks later.  My husband and I both thought it would be best for me as I had no 'real' job experience back home (I'm sorry if this offends anyone, but it's crucial to the story - I worked in a nude bar for the past 8 years, only to have it totally drain the real life out of me, take away all of my confidence, and leave me with nothing to show for it.  I did all of this completely sober and straight, and I think that's why I'm suffering so much now - I can't 'function' in the real world) and it would possibly be best for me to get on with life.  My husband and his family know this, and have thought I have been completely strong even though it's soooo hard for me, I try so hard, believe me.   I am fortunate to have a good doctor who is understanding and helps me with my depression.  I was on antidepressants but with the ok from him, I stopped taking them in March because I thought that things would start to get better (and I hate being on medication)

So school has been going great, granted, it's not what I originally wanted to do with my life, but I needed to get a skill so that I could make some money, and if I want to go back I can.  Now I've tried applying EVERYWHERE for jobs - I mean, I tried stores at the local mall, temp agencies (who would only place me on day work, and I did a few days, 4 of them, and just got so frustrated that I told them to take me off their lists - and YES, I did call them repeatedly, I am a good typist and can do data entry, they just didn't seem to have anything for me on at least a temporary/part time basis.   I've tried local salons (right now I have a day placement once a week, which is unpaid, but just so that I can get experience) by sending out letters, I just don't know what to do.

My tutors think I'm great, and have said, 'If I still had my salon, I'd snap you up in a second' etc, tell me I'm fab and I really am good with people, in fact, my last client at school told me I was one of the best beauty therapists she's ever had, and that I would do well in this job.  Little things like that have given me so much confidence.

So imagine my surprise when one of the salons that I sent out a letter to 4 months ago gave me a call a week and a half ago!  I met up with the owner on Monday, met her staff and toured the salon on Tuesday, and she called me on Wednesday asking what dress size I wore, and she was flexible with hours, and I would start by training in at her main salon!  I was elated, and told everyone  that finally, I had found a job.  She invited me to the grand opening of her new store in the mall (which is why she was needing a few more therapists) and I said I would see her there, on Saturday. 

On Saturday I went, and she wasn't there (I guess something came up).  I met up with her daughter who also works for her, and she said she would pass on the message to her mom that I had stopped by (I wrote it down on a piece of paper that I had stopped by, and to give me a call)  Sunday went by.  Monday came and still no call from her.  So I sent her a text (we had been communicating via mobile) and I didnt  hear anything from her.  On Tuesday (yesterday) at 7am she texted me, saying that she was really busy but she would call me later that day.  I never got a phone call.  It's now Wednesday, and I don't know what to do.  I haven't heard from her, and I cried all last night, cause I just got the feeling like she didn't want me anymore.  I have told all of my family and friends, and EVERYONE was so excited for me.  I just don't know what to do, but I feel let down, and I don't know - I mean, even if she IS busy, it would only take one minute to call me and say so.  Am I overreacting?  What should I do now?

Thank you for reading this. 

Sariann - Today (6/14) is Tuesday, not Wednesday.  Maybe give it a little more time?  For instance, perhaps the lady got sick or had some sort of family thing come up (conflict with Saturday)?  I imagine she is quite busy if she's just opening a new store plus has other stores -- she may have hit some unforeseen snags in the business, etc.  I understand a little what you're going through -- having just been through the job search thing myself & believe me -- the urgency to you is ALWAYS going to be more than it is to the potential employer.  I was driving myself crazy waiting for employers to call & for the job (when I got the offer) to be confirmed, etc.  It seemed to take forever!  I am still in the process of getting all the paperwork sorted with my new employer, so I don't even know my start date yet.  (They said they were still waiting on one of my references to come back from the US -- which makes me nervous though I know it shouldn't.)  Hang in there, ok?  And maybe just do something that you enjoy in the meantime, while you wait to hear?

Carolyn

Deep breath, relax. Small employers can be run absolutely ragged. Can you ring her mobile instead of texting? If I were you, I'd do so tomorrow (when it's *really* Wednesday!!  ). Be very calm and very professional. Tell her you're just ringing to make sure everything is still on track and is there anything she needs from you. That should get the ball rolling. Yeah, worst case scenario she'll tell you the offer has fallen thru - BUT if (and I think that's a big if) it has, I am willing to bet it has nothing to do with you. I seriously doubt she'd have gone to the trouble to interview you and ring you with an offer if she didn't really want to hire someone.

If for some reason she isn't going to follow thru, just tell your family that's the case. I'm sure they'll be just as disappointed as you.

BTW, I'm guessing you will have the job. So if you do, make certain you get a contract. I believe legally you have to in the UK but some small business owners try to get around that. I speak from experience.   

Good luck and keep us posted!

Hehe, your right - it's is now Tuesday 

I guess I should try and just BREATHE - I just maybe am more organized and think that someone who SAYS they will call SHOULD call.  I normally have been calling her, and I admit it probably wasn't too professional on my part to text on Monday, but I was really upset and didn't think I could call for fear she'd be too busy or that I would burst out into tears - sad I know.    And I know it's even more sad to let someone that I don't even know have so much control over my emotions and stuff, since I've been here in the UK though I have tried to do things that I should have done all along, meaning have a regular job, etc.  You don't know how guilty I feel about the last 8 years of my life. 

I think that's why this is all so important to me.  Thanks for the tip about the contract - I didn't know that was required. 

My mother in law suggested I wait until the end of the week - everyone is saying that she may have had a family emergency for all I know.  I understand that, I'd just like to know one way or another. 

You guys should have seen me though, I just called my mom today after I posted this and I was in absolute hysterics.  I just have a problem seeing things logically and not letting it affect me.   Thank god she is coming here in two weeks, I'm so lonely for my family I could die - not seeing them for 10 months is harder than I thought it will be. 

If I can get up the courage to call her tomorrow, I will.  I'm just so nervous haha. 

Thanks guys

positive vibes....on a side note have you thought of being a mobile hairdresser? There are many nurses that get their hair done by women that are hairdressers by experience are not proffessionally qualified yet the make money as home hairdressers. They usually advertise in Sainsburys or at the Univ and the hairdressers come to your house...through word of mouth they have regular clientele from there....just a thought.

positive vibes....on a side note have you thought of being a mobile hairdresser? There are many nurses that get their hair done by women that are hairdressers by experience are not proffessionally qualified yet the make money as home hairdressers. They usually advertise in Sainsburys or at the Univ and the hairdressers come to your house...through word of mouth they have regular clientele from there....just a thought.

Thanks for the vibes and yes, I have thought about doing mobile beauty therapy - actually, my husband, who made the website for the local NHS Trust, has registered my domain name and is working on getting it up and running.  The problem is the start up costs, buying a beauty couch and all of the products that I need and insurance - anyways, I thought of doing that even if I did get a job, just to get some more money.  I don't ever lack in confidence in skill, just if (and when) people reject me (probably cause I try TOO hard)  I guess rejection is a part of life

Sariann, I am so sorry you have to go through this!  I've been there and want to send my positive vibes as well!  Finding a job is so frustrating sometimes!  Hugs!!!!

How old are you if don't mind me asking ...as the Prince's Trust helps young individuals with business start ups...you have to be under the age of 30 ..it's a good place to get info about starting a business and they financially assist individuals as well. Most of the ladies that do mobile services have the basic equip (most of the time the client buys the stuff ) My mate got dreadlocks done from one of these mobile hairdressers and charged her £120 (she had shoulder length hair) As well as the nursing homes that I've been in have mobile hairdressers and they charge a lot for what little they do to their clients (wash , hairdry ..maybe a trim)


I wouldn't get too focused on the fact that people say "we'll call you" and they don't ASAP...I've got to deal with lots of multidisiplinary agencies and that happens unfortunately.  

Sariann -- Just wanted to say it seems you're being awfully hard on yourself for stuff in the past.  Stop that.   Everybody makes mistakes or choices that are wrong for them at some point in their lives.  In my case, I could say I wasted nearly ten years of my life being involved with & married to two different men (not at the same time! ) who were completely unsuitable for me -- and I spent far too much time feeling ashamed over that, feeling a failure at marriage, etc.  Sooner or later, you just have to say -- well I learned some things & I'm not going to waste any more time in my life feeling bad over these things, just focus on moving forward & making from now on a positive thing.  It takes a lot of strength & courage to make changes in your life!!  Look at you -- you're not only making progress toward a complete career change BUT you also moved (successfully) to an entirely new country!!  Don't you see how incredibly amazing both of those ventures are?!?!!  Celebrate yourself for these positive steps forward, and don't look back.  The job thing will come together & some day you'll look back & see how the path you took (however rocky it may have been) all made some weird kind of sense.   That's the thing with me -- even though I made missteps & mistakes -- all of it led me to where I am today & I wouldn't have it any different.

Sariann -- Just wanted to say it seems you're being awfully hard on yourself for stuff in the past.  Stop that.   Everybody makes mistakes or choices that are wrong for them at some point in their lives.  . . . Sooner or later, you just have to say -- well I learned some things & I'm not going to waste any more time in my life feeling bad over these things, just focus on moving forward & making from now on a positive thing.  It takes a lot of strength & courage to make changes in your life!!  Look at you -- you're not only making progress toward a complete career change BUT you also moved (successfully) to an entirely new country!!  Don't you see how incredibly amazing both of those ventures are?!?!!  Celebrate yourself for these positive steps forward, and don't look back.  The job thing will come together & some day you'll look back & see how the path you took (however rocky it may have been) all made some weird kind of sense.  

Carolyn you took the words right out of my mouth (although you said it so much better!)

Sariann, I'm hoping all the best for you and keep us posted!

I just want to say that I'm in complete agreement with the last two posts.  You sound like a very smart and courageous woman to me!  I once read somewhere that the feeling of regret can't fix anything in the past and it isn't going to pave the way for the future...so, I know it's easy for me to say, but I think you should celebrate who you are now and give yourself credit for not only realizing that you wanted to make a change, but you put forth the effort to do it.  Lots of people want to make a change in their lives, but it takes guts and determination to make it happen.  We all grow and change throughout our lives and you are a shining example of that!

I've got my toes and fingers crossed that you get the job! 

How old are you if don't mind me asking ...as the Prince's Trust helps young individuals with business start ups...you have to be under the age of 30 ..it's a good place to get info about starting a business and they financially assist individuals as well. Most of the ladies that do mobile services have the basic equip (most of the time the client buys the stuff ) My mate got dreadlocks done from one of these mobile hairdressers and charged her £120 (she had shoulder length hair) As well as the nursing homes that I've been in have mobile hairdressers and they charge a lot for what little they do to their clients (wash , hairdry ..maybe a trim)


I wouldn't get too focused on the fact that people say "we'll call you" and they don't ASAP...I've got to deal with lots of multidisiplinary agencies and that happens unfortunately.  

I'm 31 unfortunately, so that wouldn't be of help.  The thing with beauty therapy as opposed to hairdressing is it's much more expensive to get started.  The basic portable beauty therapy couch is like £100, then I have to buy all of my products that I use for facials, manicures, pedicures, eye treatments (like eyelash perming and tinting), waxing, and makeup (for makeup applications)  I've got the makeup kit, but everything else would just be so much.  My husband said that we could take out a small loan, I'm just a bit nervous as I don't have a client base set up and getting customers is far from certain.  But I also realise, that instead of making £40 in a salon in a day, I could go to 2 different houses, spend 3 hours total, and make the same amount of money.  So I guess I'll have to see.

I'm getting mixed messages of what to do.  I had my work placement yesterday, in a salon here in Huddersfield.  I talked to one of the therapists, who is 'older' (she is 39, lots of these therapists are only 17 or 18!!)  Anyway, she told me to wait, that she'd get in contact with me when she needed me.  But then I have other people, like my husbands aunt, who said that it's unacceptable for anyone to say to call and then don't.  If I can find the strength, I'll call today (so scared, haha).  If not, I have class again tonight, and I'll ask the tutor what to do, I didn't get a chance to ask her on Tuesday, we are very busy in the salon.

Again, thanks for the positive support guys, I appreciate it.  I don't really have anywhere else to vent.  It is so *bleep*ing frustrating, job hunting that is!!  I'm tired of not having money and being broke.  I've been a hair close to going back to what I used to do, as there are places here, but as my husband's aunt said, it wouldn't make me feel any better, and in fact, I'd probably end up feeling worse.  It's kind of like going back to a drug habit, if that makes any sense.   I'm my own worst enemy - noone looks down at me (that I care about) for my past.  I know I shouldn't be so hard on myself, it's just difficult when other people my age have careers and kids and a house - I feel like I'm missing out. 

Thanks again guys, I'll keep you posted

Sari

Well, just as a follow up...

I literally had everyone I asked give me advice on what to do, one of them being one of my tutors, another one of them being a woman I work my placement with. 

I decided to go with what my instincts told me, which was try and get into contact with her.  I couldn't get through, so I left a message.  I just said who I was and that I hoped everything was ok, and I hoped to hear from her soon.

This was on Friday, and I haven't heard anything back. 

Thanks for all the advice guys, I'm feeling pretty silly and embarrassed about the whole thing.  I've decided that I'm going to keep my work placement, and just work hard on starting up my own business.   I'll have to take out a small loan, which always makes me nervous, but I'm far more confident and optimistic in my abilities in making my own business work than be able to find a job somewhere. 

Sariann,
     You should contact your local Business Link office. Now they usually work with folks who have already started up their own business, but in Norwich, where I am, there is another organization that operates out of the same office and works with folks who would like to start their own businesses. My local one is NEAT. Not sure what it stands for, but they have a website: www.neatbusiness.co.uk. I just had a meeting with mine today, having decided that there are no jobs in Norwich that are really what I want to do for a living, and my advisor told me to contact my local council, that sometimes they have funds to help a business start-up. They have a one-day class on starting up that I'll be attending this Thursday, and a longer 5-day class that stretches over a month or so. FREE! in both cases.
     I'm wondering if there are more folks than you and me in the beginning stages of figuring out how to start up our own businesses since the established ones seem so hesitant to hire us. A thread where we kept each other updated as to what kinds of assistance we were finding where and such might be useful. Or is there already one. I'm going to look and see. In the meanwhile, we could start a private e-mail exchange between us if you like.

DJC

Hi Sariann!

I hope things are working out better for you-I completely know the feeling!!  I'm a hairdresser here in the States, and it's true that Beauty Therapists have a much larger start up cost.  More for my info than yours probably, but what is the situation with apprentiships?  I landed an incredible position here in Texas and I was hoping to find something similar in London--is that a route you could take?  Also, from my experience(limited though it is), salon owners are CRAZY!   I wouldn't take offense if she doesn't call you back.  Although if it were me in your shoes, I'd probably be doing just the same thing!  BEST of luck to you--I'm sending good energy your way!!