Catholic wedding problem

I honestly do not see anyone 'bashing the hell out of the Catholic Church'. I am really sorry you see it this way Liza. I see frustrated people, people trying to be helpful, sympathetic people, people who have given up, etc.

Regardless of the reasons why they chose to do things the way they do, I myself have never found the Catholic Church as an institution to be very helpful, approachable or easy to work with. This is not bashing, but simply my own lifelong experience. I do not feel that I am alone in this opinion, and I am sorry if that is offensive to anyone, but it really should not be. It's no different than my being unhappy with Arnold Schwarzenegger as my governor. (And I'm not alone on that one either.)

I was raised Byzantine Catholic and attended Catholic middle and high school. I had a very severe family crisis in my life around age 13 that my school priest helped me through. In fact, I credit him with saving my life. His unflinching support through that time made all the difference and he remains one of my heroes to this day. He completely embodied the principles of Christ in his life and I have the utmost respect for him. Although I did leave the church later in life (left christianity altogether!), I did ask him to marry DH and I in a non-Catholic, outdoor ceremony. He did try to counsel me into having a Catholic ceremony, but in the end had enough love and respect for me to abide by my wish for a simple blessing service. He had no issue with doing the service so as long as it was his day off but his Bishop would not allow him to do it. Even on his OWN time.

It's this type of disconnect that I, and probably others find so frustrating. I was offered NO explanation as to why he could not marry us and I cannot think of one. We ended up hiring a local minister who completely fudged it. We were so upset and it was not exactly an auspicious way to start our life together.

I guess in a nutshell what I am trying to say is that the church is made up of living, breathing human beings. What would Jesus do?

I am sorry you're having problems Stuzgirl. I hope everything is resolved and you have the wedding of your dreams!

I agree with Courtney... there was no 'bashing'.
Stuzgirl was only expressing her frustration & disappointment.

Honestly, all these rules!  All these *man-made* rules... i can see why people get frustrated with churches.  What about love and forgiveness and treating others like you would want to be treated?   It's a shame. 

I guess you could say I'm in a sexual relationship with my husband.  I'm pregnant with our second child  . 

But seriously, my ex did not want any kids.  That's why we split.  He had a vasectomy during the waiting period for our divorce.  It was really heartbreaking, but we married fairly young and at the time our discussion of having a family was one of those 'in the future' things.  I wasn't thinking about kids at 22.  He was a non-practicing Lutheran, but we married by a Unitarian minister. 

He had no issue with doing the service so as long as it was his day off but his Bishop would not allow him to do it. Even on his OWN time.

It's this type of disconnect that I, and probably others find so frustrating. I was offered NO explanation as to why he could not marry us and I cannot think of one.

I can think of a very obvious explaination.  A priest never has "a day off".  A priest takes his vows for life, it is a vocation, not an occupation.  He can't just take off his collar and become something else for a day.  His intentions where very nice and well meaning, but I think his Bishop made the correct decision.

I'm not a nasty and unfeeling person.  I am not trying to make anyone feel bad, nor am I not compassionate.  I will, however, defend my Church with my last breath.  And when I see people talking about things that they know nothing about and not making an attempt to educate themselves, it just get me going. 

I realize there have been many people in the world who are not happy with the Church for whatever reason.  I pray for them.  There is so much truth and goodness in the Catholic Church.  It's not an easy Faith to follow - it is very difficult and very challenging.  But I feel it's worth it.  It defines who I am as a person and gives me direction and hope.

I truly hope that stuzgirl has a fantastic wedding!  Good for her for wanting to be married in the Catholic Church at all!  I think that is very admirable, given the promises one is expected to keep when making that decision.  I wish her and her fiance only the best.  And all of you too.

~Liza

Liza,

I will chime in and say that I see exactly where you're coming from and agree with you.

You're either Catholic or you're not.  And it's really not on to pick and choose what parts of the faith you like or don't like.  I didn't like more than I liked - so I'm no longer Catholic.  It's a bit like claiming to be an Orthodox Jew but eating ham sandwiches...just because you "don't agree" with what happens to be a part of actually being an Orthodox Jew.

Liza is right - the Catholic faith is not an easy one to follow.  I applaud her for being able to do so in today's world - what with the mummurs of those who want the Catholic church to "modernise" or start "accepting" things which it believes are against its basic tenets.  I'm not sure how you could have "varying degrees" of Catholicism as there might be within other faiths.  It is what it is.

I'm not sure there was any actual "bashing" of the Church in this thread - but I do understand being offended by someone who either has never been a Catholic or is a "lapsed" Catholic and suddenly wants to use the Church for their own special moments, with no intention of really giving back with their time and faith.   

But that's just my opinion...

Thanks peedal.

But I would like to apologize to stuzgirl.  I never intended to turn this into a big religious discussion.  The last thing a bride needs when planning a wedding is someone to rain on her parade.  It was not my intention.  I was only hoping to help in some small way, just as everyone else has.  I just have a very different perspective than, I think, many of the others who have posted.

I really do love my Faith.  It gives me so much, and has brought me so much closer in my relationship with God.  I just tend to be a little touchy about it - like if someone were to say things about a family memeber, I would be the first to stand up and say something.  I know all of you would do the same. 

~Liza