42 days...

In 42 days I will be boarding my flight back to Florida. I will have been in England just over 5 months. In that time I found love and a lot of great inspiration. I struggled and I triumphed. I made progress and backslid..

I am not really sure what the point of this thread is except to say I am feeling a little confused right now. Not sure what I should be focusing on...my remaining time here or preparing for my return.
I have mixed feelings concerning where my relationship is headed. Although we have discussed things a little, there is just still too much we cannot say for certain.
He might have a different, better job by next month which will prevent him from taking off an extended lengthof time to come visit.
And I have decided that I cannot be here long term on the kind of extreme limited budget I have been on the past months. It was okay at first but has since meant sitting around the house basically waiting for him to get home for someone to interact with, and relying on him to take me places at the weekend.
We decided that he is not coming with me to the airport the day I leave because I am sure to be far too emotional, and more so if he is there.

I keep thinking of all the things I have missed from "home" and looking forward to a lot of old familiar surroundings.
At the same time, I know I will miss so much about my life here.

EEK!  I am torn!   Is this normal?!?

yes its completly normal. My first visit with hubby was like that. He didn't come to the airport with me either for that reason,because we both knew if he were to come, I wouldn't be able to board the plane. After I got back in the states I did a lot of thinking and decided to make the leap and I came back over a few months later for almost 6 months, to see if my feelings were as strong as I thought they were. They indeed were and I went back to the states for my fiance visa.
Good luck in whatever you decide to do. But my suggestion would be not to count down to the 42 days. It will be more painful emotionally to count down the days until you are seperated.

Well I feel a little better hearing you say that about not going to the airport together. We made the decision together but afterwards I thought...gee, if he was really into me he would want to see me off, wouldn't he?    I am of mixed mind and heart over that decision, even though I have to confess now I am even contemplating a visit to an acquaintance in London for a few days before the flight as that way I will not have an extra 4-5 hour coach journey the day of my transAtlantic flight!

As far as what happens once we are apart, I think the separation might help clarify our feelings. We moved in together far too quickly, although it seemed like the right decision at the time, and there have been issues. We have both been trying to make the best of things but some days I just want my own space and independance!

Some days I am sure I am more cut out to live in Florida, but then I think of what I will miss from here and...BING! I change my mind!

Of course once I win the lottery I can do half and half and not worry about it! lol

You are having completely normal feelings.  I never went to the airport with Rich, EVER.  I would burst into tears everytime he was leaving my apartment.  It was horrible.  I knew it would be worse if I went with him.

When I had to go to the airport the second time to go back for my fiance visa,he did go with me since I was pregnant & he wanted to make sure I got there ok. It was so hard. As he walked out the doors to go the carpark I wanted to run after him ,grab him and not let go. I was in tears the whole plane ride home. Luckily the plane was almost empty and no one sat next to me. lol

First off,  .  Your story sounds so similar to mine, only I was the one in the States and he was the one going back to the UK.

Only you will know what will work  for you, but I did see my guy off at the airport here.  I think I would have strongly regretted it if I had not, no matter how painful it was.  I left knowing that we would likely see each other again, which helped a little.  Is it possible to discuss with your guy a trip for him to come see you in the next few months?  You will be returning to your separate lives so some time apart, and a plan for a friendly visit could help clarify your true feelings.  It will give you a chance to see if the reasons that brought you together in the first place still hold up over time.

up4tea, I certainly hope that the journey ahead of you isn't as difficult as it looks now.  I think you are correct in thinking that some time/space will clarify things, and whatever the choice is, I hope it's the best for both of you.

I am right in the same boat as EnglandsYank as far as the airport.  I am usually rational but I did have moments of wanting to storm the security check in and drag Sam back with me when she left.  And on my flight home from London, I cried the entire way.  Sometimes I think if we were able to not be with each other at leaving, it would be much easier.

I use to go to the airport everytime J left to go back to the UK, but it was so sad for both of us that about 6 months ago I stopped. The good thing is I can get him into the cab and then run back to my bed and cry for a good hour. It seems to help.

On the flip side, when I am visiting the UK he always takes me to the airport and gets me to security. It is so hard to have to say goodbye among all the strangers, and I get a lot of weird looks as I am crying away.

I wish I could say that it gets easier, but the goodbyes are the hardest part of the LD relationship.

Have a safe journey home. I hope you have some clarity regarding your situation. Good luck.

18 days for me.  I'm panicking already.  We've been married for nearly 4 years, but he's going back to make a start in the UK for us.  I get to move in September - so in that sense I have an advantage over you.  It must be so hard not knowing what is going to happen.  Logically, you should probably try to just make the best of the time you have left together in the UK.  Emotionally, it will be tough to do.

When I left the UK the last time (and left him there) his parents drove me to the airport.  It was very ackward.  At least it was back when getting through security was quick.  I said goodbye, started bawling and walked through the metal detector.  Then collapsed on a bench around the corner to recompose myself.  I definately do not blame either of you for wanting to skip the airport bit. 

MissIndigo wrote "Is it possible to discuss with your guy a trip for him to come see you in the next few months?  You will be returning to your separate lives so some time apart, and a plan for a friendly visit could help clarify your true feelings.  It will give you a chance to see if the reasons that brought you together in the first place still hold up over time."

Well, I would like to think so, but because he is in the process of looking for better, steadier work, he is loathe to make a promise he might not be able to keep. If he is in a management posit as he hopes to be by then, it is unlikely he will be able to take off for any length of time to come see me.

It is nice seeing everyone else's stories, it makes me feel better knowing I am not the only one trying to figure out the best way to approach this issue!
Thanks

Trying to make the best of the next 41 days!