Geordies

With the recent chat in another thread about Geordies and cold weather,I was wondering if anyone had seen this.

http://shytots.co.uk/funnies/mixture/geordie-thermometer.html

50 Degrees.    Southerners turn on their heating.  Geordies plant their gardens.

40 Degrees.    Southerners shiver uncontrollably. Geordies Sunbathe.

30 Degrees.    Southern cars will not start.  Geordies drive with their windows down

20 Degrees.    Southerners wear coats, gloves, and wool hats.  Geordies throw a t-shirt on (Girls start wearing mini-skirts)

10 Degrees.    Southerners begin to Evacuate.  Geordies go swimming in the North Sea.

Zero degrees.  Southern landlords turn up the heat.  Geordies have the last barbecue before it gets cold.

Minus 10 Degrees.  Southerners cease to exist.  Geordies throw on a lightweight jacket.

Minus 80 Degrees.  Polar bears wonder if it’s worth it.  Geordie Boy scouts start wearing long trousers.

Minus 100 Degrees.  Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.  Geordies put on their long johns.

Minus 173 Degrees.  Alcohol freezes.  Geordies become frustrated because the pubs are shut.

Minus 297 Degrees.  Microbiological life starts to disappear.  The cows on Newcastle town moor complain of vets with cold hands.

Minus 460 Degrees.  All atomic motion stops.  Geordies start to stamp their feet and blow on their hands.


Minus 500 Degrees.  Hell freezes over……….Sunderland qualify for Europe.

Dave

  my mum comes from wheatley hill near sunderland and she completely agrees lolol

My Geordie husband is feeling mighty proud right now!! 

Don't know if anyone checked out the rest of the funnies on the site but this one really amused me(maybe this should be posted elsewhere,but I'll leave it here for now).

TRUE COUNCIL COMPLAINTS FROM TENANTS       

My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it any more.
It's the dogs mess I find hard to swallow.
I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
and their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand.
Will you please send someone round to mend the garden path as my wife tripped and fell on it and now she is pregnant.
I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.
The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
Our lavatory seat broke in half and now in three pieces.
 I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6am his *bleep* wakes me up and is getting too much for me.
The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
Please send a man round with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
I have had the clerks of works down on the floor six times but still I have no satisfaction.
This is to let you know that our toilet is broken and we can't get BBC 2.
 
Dave

Oh my god those are hilarious. 

Thanks for the laugh....I needed that.

Oh my god those are hilarious. 

Thanks for the laugh....I needed that.

Ditto!

Priceless!! Thanks for sharing, Uncle Dave!

Can't wait to show these to my hubby!

Glad everone enjoyed them


Priceless!! Thanks for sharing, Uncle Dave!

Anything to keep the family happy LOL

Dave