At My Age?

Hello! My name is Doreen and I am new to the whole ex-pat thing. I will be moving to Hampshire in Sept-Nov. 2004, dependingon when my divorce is final and I get things packed up. I know I am in for some big changes when I move from the DC area to Hampshire, but I am hoping I can cope. I already have friends in England and I have traveled to the UK over 15 times spending a great deal of time there. However, I'm not young...I will be close to 43 when I move over, and Kevin (the Brit in question) will be close to 50!  [smiley=stunned.gif]

My question is...is there anyone on this list as old and settled as I am moved to the UK?   Any advice?

Hi Doreen and welcome to the forum.    I'm afraid I can't answer your question(I was twenty five and it was fourteen years ago.  But I just wanted to say hi and that there are quite a few members who've moved in similar circumstances and I'm sure they'll join in this conversation soon.

Hi Doreen!  Yes, there are several of us on this board in your age group!  I'm 45 and just moved over here in June to join my husband (then fiance) who is 43.  I was very settled in the US but didn't find it a huge difficulty to uproot myself.  I really don't think age has to be a huge factor although I've always been a a risk taking type person.  This is about as big a stretch as I've ever made though.  I'm very, very happy here and don't feel the adjustment has been that difficult.   My kids are grown and still back in the US and I do miss them but I'd feel that way no matter what age I was.

My only advise is to be flexible and accept differences without always comparing things to "back home."  You can't help but do it somewhat but mostly I just consider the US and UK two unique places and appreciate what each has to offer!

Best of luck to you!

-Sandy

Hello Doreen
I was 43 when I moved over to the UK from the US. I am originally from Georgia and a southerner through and through.  It is different don't be fooled.  But hubby and I agreed (he's a Scot) there is no right or wrong just different.  There are things I love over here and things I miss from home.  It is a big adjustment or at least it was/is for me.  I guess the best piece of advice I can give as you have already gotten some very good advice is have an open mind.  It won't be like home or it wouldn't be England.  Enjoy the history there is so much to see over here and it affords easy travel to other  European countries.  I hope your move goes smooth for you.
Thistledew

Welcome Doreen!
I moved over in 1998 and I was just turning 43. I married my Brit that year and he's the same age as I.

You've gotten great advice about keeping an open mind...I just wanted to share one additional thing that I went through:

I always prided myself for being sharp and clear-headed, great memory, always knew where everything was at anytime, etc. My sense of direction was great. I felt very balanced and in tune with everything.

Until I moved over here.

Don't know if it's the driving-on-the-other-side bit, or if my magnetic north skewed in such a way that I lost my sense of balance, or if everything was so -- just-so -- slightly different that I felt I was being subtley Gaslighted. ¹

Whatever it was, I felt like my bridegroom was getting less of the person he'd fallen in love with the minute I set foot on terra firma here in the UK. It took me a year to regain my sense of right and left. After almost six years I am gaining the recall of which way a light turns on/off, which side to flush the toilet from, etc. I'm also able to understand the vernacular better and "think British" now to some extent. I am still, however, completely whacked when it comes to directions.

What price this? Well, I don't always recall the US word for something. It seems that to fit all this new stuff in my head, a lot of the old stuff had to be taken out. I find myself being overwhelmed by the US now. Too many choices. Too many bright lights and too many signs. A lot of advertisements with people in your face wanting you to buy their cleaning product or ask your doctor about their prescription.

But for all this, I treasure the experience. Oh, I'm still learning, but I bet I remain younger for longer with all these mental gymnastics.

And I think now my husband is starting to get the person I once was. Not totally, but I'm not so scattered anymore. But it's going to take a few more years to reorganize myself.

¹ "Gaslight" is a film about a man who intentionally does subtle things to make his wife feel as though she is going slowly mad.

hello Doreen,  I just moved over to england a couple months ago...  I am 47.9 and my honey is 56.4...  

It takes a bit more to settle being at this age, because we are both set in our ways big time...  but our love for each other is strong enough to deal with the adjusting...  

I gave up a very good job at NASA to come here...  and I know from seeing what Tom has gone through that it is not as easy to find a good job at our age...plus we are out in the country making it more difficult...so I have settled even before coming here that I would not be starting up any new career's unless it is with my own talents of arts and crafts...  I think the job issue was the hardest for me to realize when leaving home...but after 2 months and bouts of homesickness...I feel good here and very glad I came... after all, after 30 years of stressful jobs...it is nice to sit back and smile more often.

To add to the others in advice, yes...keep an open mind and take in to the fact that the US and the UK are two different places... allow yourself the time to adjust...and then look towards the way of life here...

I had noticably found myself comparing a lot when talking to people about, oh..this is not the way it is done in the states...and someone brought it up to me on New Years..."but you are no longer in the states, you are here"  that comment hit me with realization that they were right...so I have been focusing on not comparing, but enjoying what is the way here.

Lisa, I am so glad to hear that I am not the only one that feels a loss of senses...I have always been great with a sense of direction...but I can not for the life of me get it straight here...it is driving me batty trying to figure out what is east and west here...let alone north and south.

shel

I just want to thank everyone for their responses.   You all have made me feel at home here.

Luckily, I have a sense of adventure and I have an open mind, so that can help! I am worried about money, of course, but I can't get too frantic about that since I have no idea what kind of job I will get. I am 41.5, but have contacts in my current company in the states that have contacts in the UK. My boss worked in the Netherlands and UK for many years. I am well aware that I will take a paycut, and that at my age it will be a bit harder to find a job than if I were younger.  [smiley=worried.gif] Kevin has been with the same company for almost 27 years, and he likes his job, so I wouldn't want to uproot him. He is an engineer and makes decent salary, but not enough to support the both of us. I work in marketing, but I've also done PA work. I'd consider going back into that line of work if that's what it takes.

I've been to England at least 15 times, I know Kevin's friends (I knew them before I knew him) but I know visits aren't the same as living somewhere. Luckily though, I know that all of my clothes will come out wrinkled when I use his washer/dryer, that his fridge is miniscule and that there are other inconveniences.   I also know the things that I love about England. I do English folk style pub singing and am interested in traditional dance styles, too, which has made it very easy to make friends in England.  

Sorry I've rambled on so much, but I am trying to get a grip on this. One things I know is that I love Kevin and he has a great sense of humor (as do I) so we've been able to have a lot of laughs at some of the sillier things!  

Thanks so much for everyone's thoughts. I look forward to hearing more.