Hey Ruby,
I am in the exact same situation at the moment. I am an American with a German wife and we plan on settling in the UK sometime before the end of the year. I was also quite confused by the information on the UKvisas website. Recently I called the UK embassy in Düsseldorf to get some clarification about the situation. Unfortunately I was more confused after this conversation than before.
I do however think that at some point right before the end of the initial 6-month period you and your partner have to go to the immigration service in the UK and show that you have been living in the UK together and then you the non-EEA partner will be granted a "real" residency permit.
But thanks for starting this thread; you saved me from having to do it 
In Vicky's absence, I'll jump in.
What they told you at the consulate seems right. Just a bit jumbled and confusing, so let's start at the beginning.
The EEA family member is "exercising rights of free movement derived from marriage to an EEA national".
In order to exercise that right in the UK, an entry clearance is required, called the Family Permit.
Any time 6 months prior to your departure date, you fill out a VAF1 form and tick the "Family Permit" box and take it to a consular post that has full issuing powers.
The applicant must show a document proving that they are legally resident in the country they are applying in. This is unique to UK interpretation of the directive as I understand it.
The Family Permit lasts for 6 months and can be forward dated up to 90 days.
When the permit nears expiry *AND* the EEA national has been exericising treaty rights, the spouse can obtain a residence permit from within the UK.
Some of the confusion arises because the permit used to last for 12 months - hence the contradictions on various web sites.
Not very well publicized is the opportunity to get an 'acknowledgement letter' from the IND while the residency application is in processing. Be sure to get it.
After 5 years, you can put forward an application for ILR under British law rather and EU law. Prior to that, it is not possible to mix-n-match British law with EU law, and the courts are consistent in upholding this point.
Hope that helps...