I'm sick of the question "When are you getting married? "

You guys are awesome!  I was thinking I should have put this in grievances.
I think since I expected the worst, it wasn't so bad.  Plus, my brother showed up unexpectedly and he's a great distraction and deflects a lot off of me.

I don't know how to tell them that yes we plan to get married, yes it's in 2008 and we've decided november BUT no i don't have a ring and NO he hasn't offically asked me. They get very confused when you've told them you've talked about it and have it all set out but don't see a ring and you tell them he hasn't "offically" asked you. I've given up telling people I just try to change the subject now, it's to hard to explain and most people that arn't in LDR's don't understand.

I totally hear you! "Why don't you have a ring?" "Because my boyfriend is a university student and skint as ****, you idiot, that's why!!" I know he plans to get me one now that he's trying to get a job, that's enough for me. Most of our close relatives know and understand our plans since they know the misery we're going through and how determined we are to make it and don't really bug us about that sort of thing, but when I meet new people it's just such a hassle to explain, and then there's always the inevitable, "Why couldn't you just find a nice American boy?" ARGH! 

I totally hear you! "Why don't you have a ring?" "Because my boyfriend is a university student and skint as ****, you idiot, that's why!!" I know he plans to get me one now that he's trying to get a job, that's enough for me. Most of our close relatives know and understand our plans since they know the misery we're going through and how determined we are to make it and don't really bug us about that sort of thing, but when I meet new people it's just such a hassle to explain, and then there's always the inevitable, "Why couldn't you just find a nice American boy?" ARGH! 

I hate that question.  My usual responses are; "Because I found a wonderful English guy instead."  Or if I'm feeling particularly catty (or it can depend on the person who's asking too) my response is, "Because I don't want one."  I could give a romantic one about falling in love with an English guy, which is really true, but by the time they get to that question, I've gone through so many others about the relationship, I'm too upset to put it in terms of romance and love. 

I know what you mean. However, I think the two worst things I've ever encountered were the following:

A co-worker at Circuit City: "You don't actually think that he's not cheating on you, do you?!"

One of my roommates: "Stop sitting in front of the computer with your imaginary boyfriend and come hang out with me."

 

UGH. I hated all those comments too  I just got married so I get "why aren't you two together, if you're married?"

Me"Because there's something called a VISA that I need to ENTER THE COUNTRY  "

One of my roommates: "Stop sitting in front of the computer with your imaginary boyfriend and come hang out with me."

 

Oh good god is that just a plain rude thing to say or what?!?  I'm not sure if I'd have a roommate anymore if someone told me something like that!

I guess I was fortunate; while I was in my LDR everyone in my workplace who was attached was in an LDR also.  My line of work often forces partners apart...some couples make it, others don't.  It also upset me when particularly my family has stressed the importance of, as my mom would put it, marrying within my own country.  What the heck is that supposed to mean?!?  I work in a university; I go around the world in a day even in my own work microenvironment.

On the topic of the "when are you getting married" question, I'm not sure what's worse...when people know that you've finished school and have hit the big 3-0 and wonder why someone hasn't snapped up "a nice girl like you!" (so people have told me--ugh!) or to have other friends/family/random people badgering you.  It is indeed annoying when you're single, even though I'm not looking to marry soon.

One of my roommates: "Stop sitting in front of the computer with your imaginary boyfriend and come hang out with me."

Ugh how horrible and totally degrading to your relationship that you work so hard to keep going. People really don't give us credit when it comes to LDR's and how hard we work to keep it alive. Allthough a friend of mine said this to me a few weeks ago because my sister went on a rampage and said my relationship wasn't real.

"You know, you and Adam should be commended for being able to hold your relationship together. Because it's damn hard to be in a LDR... There are plenty of people now forming relationships over the internet that eventually lead in RL there is nothing fake about them."

Don't let anyone try to tear you down.

Ugh how horrible and totally degrading to your relationship that you work so hard to keep going. People really don't give us credit when it comes to LDR's and how hard we work to keep it alive. Allthough a friend of mine said this to me a few weeks ago because my sister went on a rampage and said my relationship wasn't real.

"You know, you and Adam should be commended for being able to hold your relationship together. Because it's damn hard to be in a LDR... There are plenty of people now forming relationships over the internet that eventually lead in RL there is nothing fake about them."

Don't let anyone try to tear you down.

I agree. I also think its a bit easier now because meeting online is the "in thing" with all those dating sites up and etc. Of course my H and I met when it was still rare and extremely weird  Back in the day 

My mom once said, "so, does Dan date anyone else while you are apart?"

Nearly exploded at that one.  Did she really think we would go through 8 months of immigration paperwork (HSMP), fly between London and DC every 8 weeks for nearly a year and a half, talk every day, go on holidays with families together...if we weren't exclusive.  Kind of depressing that my mother would think i move halfway around the world for a casual fling.  UGHHHH!!!

also doesn't help that this is my last week in the office and nearly every person i talk to about my resignation and the reason behind it takes an immediate glace at my left hand.

We decided to take it slow and actually live on the same continent before taking the pluge.  Had i wanted a ring i could have one, he's offered, but i would rather do it on our terms and when we know the time is right.

Hugs to mekaw!!!

Thanks alisonwyorks!
I've been out of the loop for a while.

I've just spent the evening defending my relationship to my best friend.  She's been married for 8 years and has 3 kids and she's been my best friend for 23 years.  She still is not convinced!  She married her high school sweetheart for God's sake..what does she really know about dating!?!  I see her point as we planned to be married before the end of summer - it doesn't mean we don't plan to marry - we just can't now!

I know what everyone means about being slightly, if not moreso, judged because our relationship happened to spin off of meeting online o_< I think it's become a bit more "acceptable" over the past year or so with all the dating sites popping up, but even just 3-4 years ago it was still quite taboo.  Most people I tell think it's kind of romantic, but I still have the few that'll give me the once over and just kind of go "uh huh...." when they clearly are thinking "oh my god, freak" (or something equivalent, ha..  )

I will start cracking skulls if I have to clarify one more time that we do not have an online relationship...that is a legit LDR, and that we keep in touch online because it's so accesible, and cheaper than phone calls!!     I wish people weren't so judgmental about it sometimes 

(EDIT:)
Oh, and I also hate hate HATE it when people tell me I'm "sulking" too much when my fiancee leaves.  Well hello?! So sorry I get upset because we won't see eachother for the next 4-6 months!!

I know how you feel!  My boyfriend and I get asked this all the time!  We've only been together almost 7 months!  We were getting asked this back when I first met him face to face in March!  Gosh, it was crazy!  Then I had a woman there tell me that I should marry Simon so I could get in the country easier...um, no.  I'm not going to do a marriage of convienance.  I love Simon too much to screw our relationship up.

*sigh*  It was bad enough when one of the customs officers asked me if I was planning on marrying Simon, haha.  And he was only asking that to be socialable...Although I swear he was flirting with me. 

*sigh*  It was bad enough when one of the customs officers asked me if I was planning on marrying Simon, haha.  And he was only asking that to be socialable...Although I swear he was flirting with me. 

If a customs officer is asking you that, I seriously doubt it's because he's being socialable or flirting.

If a customs officer is asking you that, I seriously doubt it's because he's being socialable or flirting.

No, that was back when I arrived in America.  And he said other things besides that that led me to believe he was flirting, and it was the other stuff he said, not that.