I had a problem with them as well, so I understand where you are coming from and can totally understand how they can cause issues in a relationship. (I had stacks of mail all over my house and was too afraid to open them, and that was just for starters).
Obviously there is no magic bullet for these. Personally it took me 3 years of counseling, but I had the best possible counselor in the whole world (in my opinion). He was great and took a very holistic look at the issue.
One of the best things that helped me personally was to realize what anxiety and depression really are. He said to me "depression is fear of the past and anxiety is fear of the future". That simply concept went a long way to helping me at least understand what I was feeling.
For a while I went on Lexapro, which worked really well for me. I ended up only needing to be on it for about a year and then I used Lorazepam for the acute attacks to calm me down. I had really good reaction to Lexapro and the Lorazepam was wonderful to just calm me down.
I was doing so well at my move, my consoler and myself agreed that I didn't need anymore treatment and I have been off medication for about 2 years and been away from consoling for about 4 months.
My advice would be a) change councilors if you feel like there isn't a good relationship there. Be honest with yourself, but if you aren't getting out of it what you need, change. There is no exact science there. b) Think about changing your medication. Again that is a tricky balance. What SSRIs have you taken or are taking now? Also are you taking something like Lorazepam or Ativan for the acute attacks? If not, consider having that available to you.
Also, it might make sense for your husband to attend consoling with you. It will at least help him possibly understand that what you are dealing with is a medical problem and not his "responsability" to make you happy. I know that it can cause a lot of friction because he will have a hard time dealing with why you aren't happy. Is he not good enough, etc...
Also, if you don't mind me asking, have you been able to identify your triggers, what makes the attacks come on and how are you dealing with them? Also, have you and your consoler set objectives and have you been able to achieve them? Do you feel you are making any progress?
One last suggestion, have you tried meditation. It can be a very scary thing to undertake, but it can help a lot to just get the mind from running and running.
Feel free to PM me if you wish. I would be glad to help however I can.