mini family rant

I have a miniature rant. Okay, maybe not so miniature. My parents have made several appointments at various places back home for me to check out for the wedding. While my mother and I were talking about this, we got on the topic of the wedding budget, which then progressed to my griping about the increase in fees and how the visa is obviously the #1 thing to spend money on and that's what I'm budgeting around. Her response? "Wait, what do you need that for again? Why do you need to spend that much?"

...I know she's not that dense. She went with me to get my student visa two years ago, for crying out loud!! I just think she was having a Momzilla-of-the-Bride moment and was caught up in how shockingly expensive everything seems to be when you tack the word "bridal" onto it. Annoying though--but sometimes I forget that she doesn't always understand how much bureaucracy is is involved, and she certainly doesn't worry about it half as much as I do. So I had to gripe where people would understand. Thank you for reading.

I hear that. I think you have your priorities straight. I know that the visa fee increases have made me consider whether to stay here after my studies or go back to the States. Some people say that both spouses should get dual citizenship, but who can afford that right away?

Anyway, enjoy planning for the big day! I know I enjoyed having an excuse to go on the knot and look at all those bridal magazines!

I understand your frustration. A similar thing happened to me. Right before the wedding, I received an early gift (a check) from my grandmother. I opened it in front of my mother, and said "wow, this will pretty much pay for my spousal visa!" She retorted, "I don't think that your grandmother intended for you to buy your visa with this money." I got so frustrated and started listing all of the immediate expenses I would have in the coming weeks (plane ticket, shipping, etc.) She pretty much backed down after that.

I think that other people do not always realise all of what we have to do to get our immigration status.  My parents sent me some money for my birthday this year.  I told them it was great and would go directly into my ILR fund.  Their answer was that they had hoped I'd buy something for myself with it.  My answer: I was, my immigration status. 

I got so frustrated and started listing all of the immediate expenses I would have in the coming weeks (plane ticket, shipping, etc.) She pretty much backed down after that.

Yeah, it's not like anyone has actually been combative per se, but the whole immigration thing is a very vague and abstract concept for her and I do tend to forget that it can be hard for other people to wrap their heads around.

That said, my parents did get a little taste of it recently. When FH last visited, he didn't call until three hours after his plane had landed, and as you know from my other post, I have whatiftheborderguardsturnhimawayphobia (which is unfounded, he's never been here that long) and so I had asked him to call IMMEDIATELY after getting through passport control. He didn't because he wanted to catch the bus from JFK to Port Authority so he was sure he would be in time to get the bus to my hometown, but I had managed to give both of my parents headaches by then because I just kept pacing around the living room in a cold sweat!

And good answer, Persephone!

And hey Candace, how's married life treating you? I know you deleted your eljay account but I was actually looking at Monsoon bridal dresses and that made me think of you and wonder how you were doing.

And hey Candace, how's married life treating you? I know you deleted your eljay account but I was actually looking at Monsoon bridal dresses and that made me think of you and wonder how you were doing.

That's nice of you. Yeah, it will be our one year wedding anniversary next month! Speaking of weddings, Saj and I are leaving for the States on Monday to visit family and then go to my sister's wedding in Puerto Rico. Very exciting, especially since Saj has never been to the States. I also am excited that I have an appointment to speak to a woman at my old college about career possibilities in the States. I have really enjoyed teaching this past year. I am really glad that Saj is so wonderfully supportive about my feelings of possibly moving to the States after my studies. I am sure that some of my feelings are around worrying about my dad's illness.

All in all, I would say married life is fantastic; I even rather like the idea of having kids in the future.