UK Spouse Moving to the States for the 1st Time

So, we finally have the visa and my husband is looking for the job.  He says he is still "subdued" about the move, but is doing it for the family.  He says he has a range of emotions, which I think is normal, but hate that he seems to be doing it just for us and not for himself as well.

Have any of your UK spouses been uneasy about moving?  If so, did they do it and how do they like it?

I don't have any advice but if you haven't already, you might want to check out Dive Into America, there are lots of repat couples there:

http://forum.diveintoamerica.com/index.php

My boyfriend was kind of the same. It's taking time and it isn't always easy, but he's becoming better adjusted to life here.

Russ is definitely feeling a bit strange about it all. We had a few very emotional nights in the decision-making process.  Now that he's got a band to play in and some goals on the horizon it's not too bad, but he does have the occasional niggle of doubt.

To me, it is quite obvious that our spouses usually decide to move to the US with us for us, not for themselves.  Left to his own devices, my husband would have never sought to move to the US.  I never expected him to be doing it for himself simply because not everyone is desperate to move to the US.  I think it's a bit naive and very "American" to think that your husband/wife should be wanting to make the move for him/herself.  Not everyone feels the need to drop everything and move to the US.

I don't know if I have successfully explained myself but I hope you know what I mean.

June

To me, it is quite obvious that our spouses usually decide to move to the US with us for us, not for themselves.  Left to his own devices, my husband would have never sought to move to the US.  I never expected him to be doing it for himself simply because not everyone is desperate to move to the US.  I think it's a bit naive and very "American" to think that your husband/wife should be wanting to make the move for him/herself.  Not everyone feels the need to drop everything and move to the US.

I don't know if I have successfully explained myself but I hope you know what I mean.

June

That was really well put, June.

LOL, we have the opposite problem right now. DH is more into moving to the US than I am. I have posted on a few boards about it, so I won't repeat myself too much. We just agree that it will be really hard for him AND me b/c I have just gotten settled here and am not quite ready to move back, and the thought I might never move back doesn't seem to bother me. DH on the other hand, thinks it's the best for OUR future so I can see that. It's just never easy, good luck!

Thanks June.  I do know what you mean and agree.  A lot of my family were concerned when I told them he had mixed emotions.  I didn't think much of it other than hoping he likes the US and feeling somewhat guilty.

It really helps to bounce these things off here!!

Thanks June.  I do know what you mean and agree.  A lot of my family were concerned when I told them he had mixed emotions.  I didn't think much of it other than hoping he likes the US and feeling somewhat guilty.

It really helps to bounce these things off here!!

Don't feel guilty!  You moved to the UK for him now he's moving to the US for you, you're even! Not that this is a competition mind you.

I think it is natural to have mixed emotions when it comes to such a big decision I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel the same when I was moving to the UK and I know my husband also has doubts every now and then but that's OK.  We are human and we are afraid of change.  Change is scary and it always stirs up mixed emotions, even if the change is for the better.

Good luck with the move and I hope things sort themselves out!

June

That was really well put, June.

I agree.

my DH hated being in England and talked about America all the years we were there. Last year we decided it would be good for the family to move to USA . I had concerns but didn't really voice them. I have moved a lot and I always wanted to live in the US. Now we're here. It's been a hard road of adjustment, but I think I could feel at home here. My DH tho, misses everything about England (except the weather). He wants to turn around and move right back! He says the America that he missed was of his childhood, and it's just not there anymore in any form. I read the book "I'm a stranger here myself" which I think anyone moving back should read BEFORE moving . But he wouldn't read it, he just doesn't want to adapt. He's totally using English vocabulary now and finding fault with all things American. I'm not sure how I feel. I worked so hard to make this move, and I'm still working at trying to make it work for everyone, I feel like it's giving up early to move back after so short a time. But then again, he's not happy and neither are the kids. They will adapt but he won't. I'm not sure that being financially better off is a reason to stay! I think the main thing is to be willing to give it a fair go. Many ppl told me it takes a year to adjust when you move cultures... I think it also depends what state you move to, some are closer to Europe and others are closer to Mexico!

mumof4 - it seems as though your hubby isn't happy wherever you are, so I suggest you go with your gut, and stay or go according to that. Also, the finances ARE important, b/c that could mean more or fewer fights between you and in general whether or not you have to work 2 jobs, things like that.

I feel it takes more than a year, I only felt at home here after 1.5 to 2yrs and now that it's been 2.5yrs, we're moving stateside. I will adjust again, but I am sad to leave. You have to go where life leads you, so maybe secure a job first, either your hubby or you, it will make the move much easier if you decide to go.