Stole this today from British Ex-pats - it cracked me and the missus up. Hope you like.
From the Manitoba Herald, Canada:
"The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration.
The actions of President Bush are prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt with Dick Cheney, pray with Newt Gingrich, and agree with Bill O'Reilly.
Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists, Scientologists, and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.
"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose
acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. "He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay!"
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the
liberals scaled them using hemp-made bungee cords. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through, but Limbaugh annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons,
drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves.
"A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of
drinking water and no warm clothes. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet and new Birkenfields, though."
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have
been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch
NASCAR races.
In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on
bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration
authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers on Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney hits to prove they were
alive in the '50s.
"If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said. "And prescriptions for oral contraceptives are a dead giveaway."
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an
organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies as well as taking jobs away from locals who were involved in homegrown marijuana agriculture and organic ice cream making.
"I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history
majors does one country need?"
