Trouble telling family about move

We're moving on November 19.  I haven't told my family yet, and I'm dreading it.  They're going to take it VERY badly.  We have a 1-year-old and I'm also pregnant (will be having the baby in February), so it's going to be doubly bad.  To give you an idea, when we told my grandmother that we were moving away from where they live to another state, she pretty much lost it, yelled, cried, gave me the silent treatment, told me we were going to [literally] kill her by doing it, etc.  She emails me on a regular basis telling me how much my Alzheimer's patient grandfather is torn apart about us not living there anymore and how she's going to die soon (she's in her late 60s but perfect health and has no reason to think this).

As you can see ... she's a bit of a basket case.  We've decided that we'll fly out of Memphis, where they live, so that they can spend some time with our son before we leave, but I just have this huge weight on my shoulders about telling her. 

Does anyone have any tips?  Has anyone had to deal with a similar situation?  Any advice would be very much appreciated.  I'll have to tell her over the phone, and I was thinking of opening with telling her that my husband has received a great job offer (which is true) and moving on from there.  Good idea?  Bad idea?  Help!

Also, when did you tell your families?  Way in advance?  A couple people in my family know that this is something we've considered, but I don't think they'll see it coming

What a tough situation!  I am quite lucky in the fact that my family is very supportive...I don't have any advice other than to just do it.  The sooner they know, the sooner they will have time to come to terms with it.  It will be difficult and they may not support you but in the end, they are your family and they do love you.  They will adjust, just as you will to living in the UK.  You won't be that far away on a plane ride (I used this with my grandpa when he started to grumble ).  It is a great opportunity for your son and baby to grow up in a different environment...Being away from family is really tough but it does get better...I am really sorry that you are having to deal with all of this right now, it can't be easy at all...Good luck honey!!   

My family's been generally really supportive but my mom's having issues. I reminded her that I can phone cheaply (and that the phone works both directions) and she can always come visit, assuming she gets her passport, so it's not that far away. As an example of how she's dealing with things (I posted this somewhere else last week, I think), I phoned her one day and she answered the phone with, "Hi, are you calling to tell me you've met some rich doctor who's the man of your dreams and you aren't moving after all??"

It's a good thing to remember that this is your life and your adventure. Would they really want you to stay where you are and miss this chance to learn new things and grow and discover just so that they're comfortable? My mom was laying on the guilt really thickly one day and I asked her that. Guilt works both ways, you know. Anyway, it really gave her some perspective. She still isn't happy that I'm going, but at least she doesn't voice it so much.

I made sure to get some traveling in, like you're thinking, to spend time with all of my family before I go. I think once she can see how happy I am there, My mom'll settle in some. Hopefully the same will happen with your family. If not, there's nothing you can do about it, to be honest. Just be happy--it's contagious.

I agree with Swelch..just do it.  Its better to tell them now to give them a chance to adjust to the news, rather than wait until you are about to leave.  You never know, they may be very supportive!

At least you won't have to worry about telling them after you tell them! 

Good luck!!

My family was very supportive; however, my mom was very sad about her granddaughter being so far away. Only advice I can give is stress how important family is to you and everything you will do to keep the bond. It helped my mom some when I pointed out that since she lives on the EAst coast we weren't really further than my brother who lives on the west coast. Just because it is another country it is still just a plane ride away.

Email and phone calls help a lot too. The sooner you tell them the easier it will be in the long run. Just know you are doing what is right- and don't let them guilt you into feeling bad.

Good Luck

My parents are 6/7 hours away, I to pointed this out to my mom as I could have been moving to florida or the other side of the US, florida is 13+ hours away driving and flying is half ish so that seemed to help we talk everyweek, sometimes twice a week, and they come over to stay for a few weeks, we all miss each other but we keep intouch with each other.

The other thing is that you want to point out you would much rather spend your last few weeks months getting on and spending loads of talking time together than to leave with you all feeling upset.

You have to do whats right for your family now, tell them you love them and you want them to support you and be happy for you and you love them.

Hope this helps in a small way I think we have all gone through this to some degree and it is hard, but it could be worse, your a stones through away from each other or a plane ride.

Good luck with all of this and your move.

I come from a family of homebodies.  Like, my mom grew up and bought a house one block away from her childhood home and then moved back INTO her childhood home when her mom died.   My older sister bought OUR childhood home when my mom moved out of it, and now lives there (one block away from ME) with her seven kids and husband.   Everyone I am related to on earth lives within one hour of Chicago and never travels, especially not overseas.

I told them last December that I met someone, was getting married and was moving.  All at the same time.   My mom cried for three solid weeks and hasn't stopped making me feel bad since.  I am a "terrible daughter" who is "ruining our family."   It's been extremely hard, especially since I'm getting married in two weeks!  They can't focus on the good day, just on the hard times ahead.  I hear you!

I think there's not much to be done about it, though.  If your family flies, you can explain like others said that it's just a flight and not much different from any other flight.   This didn't work with my family so instead I made sure to explain to them that we had a budget for plane tickets set IN STONE (was my only demand about moving really) and that because I work from home and he's a teacher, we could easily visit for long summers and I could come whenever the urge strikes and we have ticket money.   I know in my heart that this can't always be the case - things come up - but it helped calm them down long enough to breathe a little.

Still, big hugs.  I'm really hurt by the guilt trips, too, and I totally know where you're coming from on this.  Good luck!  Just do it and get it over with.  You will feel better.

I come from a family of homebodies as well. When I moved from the Northeast to the South, USA, you would have thought I was moving to Mars.

I have been "warming up" my family since December. None of them are exactly thrilled, but they've accepted it and are supportive - all except my father. He is in denial and even talks about things next year like I will still be in the states.

I only see them once a year, and I will continue to see them once a year, so no change in the visits, but I think it is really bothering him that I'll be so far away.

All I can say is be as positive as you can, but be firm that it is your life and you'd like their support in your decision to move where you like.  Calls, emails and letters can be fun. My Mom learned how to use the computer so she could email me. My grandmom calls and sings on my voicemail.  I sent goofy postcards and notes in the mail to them. Just don't let them make you feel guilty for wanting to be happy and live elsewhere, or it will create a lot of friction and resentment.  Send lots of photos, if you have a webcam even better. I know it's hard. 

If your family uses computers regularly, buy them a webcam and get skype or Windows Messenger set up for them.  My family was surprised to realise that I actually talk to them more now that I live here than I did there.  When we started talking about having a baby, everyone in the family got webcams so we could actually see each other.  It felt more like being there and has gone a huge way to cutting the distance out of our calls (not to mention it's free as opposed to the phone).  My sister's expecting too.  We have a ball getting on and showing each other our baby stuff we bought, growing bellies, etc.

It isn't easy, and it doesn't sound like they will take it well, but hopefully they'll adjust as they see you taking efforts to still reach out to them.