so emmpty inside..

so lastnight I brokeup with my bf, well it was he who just gaveup and shut down..I been with this guy for about over a year an a half,  he told me I was his everything he told me he would be honest about his feelings if he felt things were getting tomuch he would let me knowso we can fix it, well from day one we totally connected, even tho I was hurt from my last relastionship I let this guy in I open my heart and give him my 100% of me, even if I had bad days I tried not to show it just to not put him down but if he asked I did tell him.
Well I did love him with all my heart but he didnt love me even tho he says he did, which is a lie, he was depressed when I tried to help he snapped at me start arguing etc..about stupid things.
I still just decided this guy has alot of things on his mind I just need to be there for him even when he was at his lowest points, I was there and he even said without me he didnt know what he would do.
I really believed all his lies how much he loves me he would wait for me, cause with out me he didnt want to live, I FELL FOR IT!! the first 6 months the relationship was good he said I was his world and sh*t..but after 6months he start being more aggressive, would get mad more often attack me with words make me feel like I was stupid..I endup telling him that I dont accept that from him or any other person he told me he is very sorry and he wouldnt do it again, after that he did stop.
soo after a another 6 months passed (which is now a year) he start going cold, he wouldnt open up much he wouldnt let me know how much he cares, once in awhile he would say I do care if I told him ''I dont think you care''. we did talk everyday he always told me he loved me..I believed him...but he just kept getting more cold.. he start talking to people more at work about his problems and about us..which no biggy...
Just wouldnt open upto me...so lastnight we had a long talk I asked him so what about us he said he dosent know,he kept going on how he is very depressed, and dosent want to drag me in,he just rather let me go and live my life he even said ill find a better guy who will be all the thing I need him to be, btw I never made him feel like he wasnt good enough for me I always accepted who he was, and what his past was..he kept going on how its going to take us a long time to move in together and he cant cope anymore, I told him well if thats how you feel then fine but I would of still waited, he said if he waited any long he would be dead...
I then said fine if thats what you want and makes thing easier for you ill leave you, he said it would be a little easier for his depressed ass..he endup telling me has no feelings anymore no emotions he is to stuck in his hole..and he cant even support me emotionally..I had enough of it and said ok fine I wont try to fix it anymore im tired of it..so i end up saying ok its over he just stayed quiet, I wished him the best of life..and said bye he wouldnt even say bye!!!!! I waited a sec, and hungup...im so broken and in pain I dont know if I have enough tears to cry anymore I cried all day lastnight and most of the day today... :\\\'(
Im friends with his friend he asked me hows things and basically I explained my sitution hes friend just said well its his loss you were a good person and he is missing out and that he will prob relize how stupid he really is..and that he wishes best of luck.


My bf now an ex, he really hurt me im soo down..I cant cry I dont have enough tears to cry much longer, I just thought when someone says I do want to spend the rest of my life with you they would mean it, we even were in engaged..I told him to leave me alone and dont talk to me so I can heal up, should I write him a letter or an email to explain my feels cause I never really said how I felt I just left it alone I was to hurt to speak..

Since you're upset, taking the time to heal is important.

However, there were a lot of worrying things you mentioned and I don't think talking to him will make anything better for you. It sounds like he really needs to get in a better place himself before he'll be any good in a relationship. I was involved with a guy with similar problems and the best thing I ever did for myself was cut off contact, even though he said he still loved me and wanted to be with me. I just felt too manipulated all the time. While people in a relationship should make each other happy, you shouldn't have to be responsible for all of eachother's happiness. I hope he gets the help it sounds like he needs.

he dosent believe in people like dr.phil who want to help, he said he tried it before he got really upset and left, he says they know nothing etc, Ill leave him be, i did try my best but I get all depressed too cause he would take it out on me...it still hurts but not as much im just still a little angry but starting to accept that it wasnt a healthy relastionship..thxs for helping me.

Well said Belita.

Best of luck to you precious.

My heart goes out to you because I have been through almost exactly the same thing, same story, with my now-ex. There is a great deal of shell-shock and grief caused by the collapse of something in which that other person seemed 110% committed, devoted, yet still for whatever reason couldn't hack it. I even knew mine for my whole life -- how's that for thinking you know someone and can trust them! But sometimes there is no knowing how someone is going to be as things change and different pressures come into being, different inner requirements needed...

Some people seem to be more frightened by love, commitment and forever -- even when they believe in their hearts they want it -- than they are strong enough to go ahead and embrace it with all its challenges. It sounds like your man and mine are cut from that same cloth, unfortunately. Mine too started picking petty fights.

The best you can do is let it go, let him go. Mine does not have the capability of wanting to talk or listen, and I don't think yours is either -- you have to just say goodbye to the whole chapter. It's wrenching, and a terrible feeling; I'm suffering greatly too, every day is dominated by the hole it is leaving, but we have to just go on and leave the screwed up MF to his own path.

Hugs to you and I know what its like, I'm with you.

im sorry that your going thru the samthing midnight_mom its so hard I feel like I never really knew him and that he was a fake and just played me like a fiddle..why was I so stupid!...

I wont be dating soon Im too confused and broken..when we had that last argument he even said he wants to still be in contact..WTH does he just has no feelings what so ever, ug what a loser...ill just have to move on but its so hard.


well if you need to vent midnight_mom just Pm me ill listen.

Sorry you are so heartbroken, Precious.  I was with a cold, manipulative, controlling person off and on for 11 years.  When he threw a fit because I wouldn't drop plans with a girlfriend to hang out with him, I finally had the last straw and ended it.  Only a week later, I already felt so free to be myself, to spend time with my friends without feeling guilty, to not have to listen to someone putting me down in all sorts of ways, whether outright or subtle, and to not plan my whole life around what someone else wanted for me. 

Then I met my now DH, and I found oh so much more to life than I ever knew existed, and more confidence than I have ever had in my life. 
I said this to someone else on here the other day, but when one door closes, another one opens, and usually it all turns out for the best.  Don't kick yourself too much over feeling dumb or used or like you wasted your time.  At least no more of your time was wasted being with someone who was so selfish.  Spend some time thinking of what you want for a change, doing things that you like to do and maybe couldn't before, or whatever you think will get you going again and help put a smile on your face.  Then one day, you might meet the guy of your dreams, and you will be so glad things turned out the way they did.  One thing about dating someone who sucks is that it really makes you appreciate the good guys when they come along!   
Good luck, and I hope you start feeling better soon!

Everyone here has given good advice. I hope you take it to heart.

I am sorry you feel this way, I hope your heart heals soon. I have to think from your description of events that you are better off.  I hope he finds help for his depression with counciling and meds, but that isn't for you to worry over. Being in a relationship where there's more downs than ups, feelings aren't reciprocated, and is long distance is a recipe for disaster.  I have been there, and it's not fun, I hope you see this.

I hope you can find the strenght to move on, heal your heart, and enjoy life. I hope all works out well, and you will one day look back upon the good times with a smile.

Lots of hugs,
x

im sorry that your going thru the samthing midnight_mom its so hard I feel like I never really knew him and that he was a fake and just played me like a fiddle..why was I so stupid!...

I wont be dating soon Im too confused and broken..when we had that last argument he even said he wants to still be in contact..WTH does he just has no feelings what so ever, ug what a loser...ill just have to move on but its so hard.


well if you need to vent midnight_mom just Pm me ill listen.

Thanks Precious, I appreciate that. And please, do not think of yourself as stupid, please do not! You were not stupid, all you did was what any of us do as humans, people doing it every day all over the world: taking a chance on loving someone, based on the best we can assess of that person at the time.

All the time all over this planet and all through history, we go ahead with this risk and who can blame us....we believe we have found someone to love, assess that we can trust them based on the information and impressions we have to work with, and it may or may not, does or does not, turn out to be that that person just couldn't do it, couldn't hack it, is not sure of his own true wishes or capabilities, or yes, sometimes were pulling the wool over our eyes.

But you can't beat yourself up -- you went into this in good faith, and it's his problem that he messed you around. We have to keep believing that we did the best we could when we took the risk. You were not dumb or stupid, you simply loved and believed in someone who wound up letting you down and not being what he at first seemed, though damned convincing. Mine too! It is his loss; you deserve better; we all do.

It IS horrendously painful; you have to work through it almost like grief after a death -- because there has been a death. But please be good to yourself and know you can heal from this. I'm not there yet either and I struggle to tell myself that, but somewhere inside I guess I know it's true.

Hug hug hug to you.

I was with someone like your EX Precious for 4 years and trust me when i say they dont change.  he will always be that way regardless of anything you do or say.  You tried to help and couldn't, and making your own way without him is the way best for yourself IMHO.  Take time to heal, have a relationship with yourself. In time, youlll realize emailing him is the worst thing you could do.  And one day, youll be free of it all together.

Have faith,

Navie

I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through.  When you are hurt like this, you are going to go through a million different emotions:  you are going to be hurt and feel betrayed, you are going to get mad and plot to kill him, you are going to laugh and cry, and just be a big mess in general.  The thing you have to remember through everything is that this is HIS problem.  I know it sounds so cliche, but that saying "You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else" is very true.  Your ex has some major personal issues that he needs to sort out before he will be able to make anyone else happy.  If you look back at the time you were together (the past year or so of your life), you will probably see that in all honesty, you were not happy with him anyway.  Just move forward with your life knowing that you did everything you could to try to help him (and to salvage the relationship), and it just wasn't meant to be.   

I take it you are speaking again after seeing your other post, but you still seem frustrated by the relationship.  I hope you start feeling better soon and start giving serious thoughts about what your future could be, with and without him.  Good luck, either way....