Big Blow

I'm still a bit emotional, so bear with me ...

In my previous posts, I had asked if US-UK relationships are common (http://talk.uk-yankee.com/index.php?topic=49522.0 [nofollow] ) and talked about the girl I someday want to be with. We both had talked about her applying for an internship with the company I worked for, and I thought she had a real shot. We were both really excited about it ... maybe too excited. Then, I talked to my director about her real chances, and she basically said, because of the economy, there was really no chance a US company could get a visa for a UK work.

I broke the news to her today, and needless to say, she was not happy. I don't know what comes of this, but it brought to painful reality how hard being apart really is. She's going to be graduating summer 2009, and I wonder if she'll be able to get a job ... at least a job she wants, that could be start of a career.  And I know that will put stress on her, adding to the stress we both already feel that not being able to be together causes ...

At the moment, it just seems so hard. This isn't our first big blow, and I hate to think it could be the last. Everything just seems to be against us.

Just thought I post because, honestly, I have no one else to talk to about this...

Sorry to hear that . I wish you guys all the best for your plans.

Unfortunately though, getting work permits for either the US or the UK are very difficult... in order to be allowed to hire your girlfriend, your company would have to prove that there is no one in the entire United States who is capable of doing the internship! And even then, the US government only grants 65,000 work permits per year... to the whole world. So, the majority of people who are able to get jobs in the US are usually academic researchers, scientists, doctors etc. because they work in specialised professions (in some academic research areas, there are only a handful of people in the entire world who can do a particular research job).

Has your girlfriend thought about maybe going to grad school in the US? A student visa is much easier to get than a work visa (I've been granted 2 student visas for the US in the last 5 years - I was supposed to be doing my PhD there, but I decided I wasn't happy there and moved back to the UK). If she wants to do this and can find a school that will pay her to be a TA/RA, then she won't have to worry about tuition/living costs and the visa itself will only cost her about $200 ($100 for the visa, $100 for what is called a 'SEVIS' fee)... it's a relatively straightforward process .

I'm not sure about your situations but my friend went and moved over to the UK. She never had gone over for a visit, never had a job except a little one at her dad's company and she still doesn't have one there in the UK. They had a civil ceremony and she's been there well over a year now. They came back to california like a year later to do a ceremony for the people that couldn't attend the UK wedding. I never thought it was going to be that fast...but it happened like REALLY fast.

Could you possibly go over that way?

I hope you all can figure out what you could do to be together. Don't give up hope

Welcome to the world of international relationships, I'm afraid.   It's not easy, I know.  I was one of the lucky ones- I went over to study for my masters in the UK so we got to be together for most of our relationship before we were married.  But before that I did the transatlantic long distance thing with my ex (who was also British) so I know how difficult it is and how hopeless it can seem.  But if this is really something you think has a chance of working out in the long run, it is worth it, even long distance.  And it can work, many people on this forum are living proof of that (as you know!)

**HUGS** I'm sorry, I know how tough that is. Try to keep your hopes up. You'll find a way eventually.

What about her studying for a post-graduate qualification here in the US, and getting a student visa that way? Or, how about you going over there to study (student loans, though).

If you can, try to keep plans open. If she is just graduating, and presumably isn't very settled in the UK, could either of you go to a third country for several months after she graduates? She could come here for 3 mos as a visitor, and after that Europe?

It's difficult trying to get a long term visa for the UK (and even more so for the states), unless you have uber-skilled work experience, are planning on getting married (you can do that in the UK with her), or have money to go to school.

Good luck!

Di ;-)