I am not a quitter by any means, but I am literally getting physically ill from the nerves and stress lately and simply don't feel able to hold it in from the world, especially those I love, any longer.
School in the states start next week and I still have no idea if I'll be here to even register. My parents want me to register and I know I should in case my visa or applications or whatever doesn't work out. If moving to the UK doesn't work out, I need to send off admissions applications and scholarship applications before September 1st.
I am trying to enter Clearing through UCAS, but my university hasn't accepted nor rejected my conditional offers, so I technically don't have a clearing number yet. I'm trying to juggle not sleeping well for the time difference so I can make the necessary phone calls to the UK--to ask for release for clearing, clearing spots, etc. Meanwhile, I'm trying to secure a place to live, prepare my finances, do the annoying little errands of sending my documentation off to the UK, which is always a pain because most of the people in FedEx or UPS don't know how to send faxes overseas.
My parents are not jumping for joy that I'm trying to move to the UK. I don't expect them to, but I wish they could at least try and accept I might get everything to work. My penny-pinching father went out and bought a car for me, which I deeply appreciate the gesture, please please don't get me wrong, but I was so upset that he spent
my saved money for school on a car. I know to everyone else it sounded like I was a spoiled, selfish, ungrateful brat, but I was so so so upset with him. For my frugal father to do something so uncharacteristic of him... Now he is almost using that car as a reason for me to stay here.
I haven't told
any of my friends that I am trying to go over to the UK to study. It might sound stupid, but I feel like a liar if I don't stick to my word, no matter how hard I try.
![Undecided :-\\\\](https://www.talk.uk-yankee.com/Smileys/classic/undecided.gif)
My significant other and I have done long distance before and we were quite fine during that time, I missed him like crazy, but it worked fine. I imagine he'll be upset if I just unleashed the unofficial news at this point. Gah, I had hoped so badly that I would have had my results from UCAS by now to tell everyone.
I could simply just withdraw my UCAS application, delete the emails from the universities in my inbox, and register here. It would be so easy to do it too, but I know, deep down, that if I gave up now, I would regret it. Especially when I think off how much time, effort, and emotional exertion was invested in this. I was so determined a year ago, but now I'm so...tired. I'm beginning to doubt if it will ever fall into place for me, no matter how many phone calls I make, forms I fill out, emails I send, people I talk to, no matter how hard I try.
I feel like I should be stronger, but I haven't really found anyone to vent this to and due to my reserved nature, I feel lonely, sad, anxious, and just plain scared.
Has anyone else, no matter the situation, almost completely given up?