Goodbyes

Hello UKYankee! Well i need you guys, or at least to share my thoughts at this moment. Not sure where else to turn but here. Its obvious most people can't relate, so hope you all don't mind, and could even chip in. Those in similar situations past and present, or encouraging words, anything really!

Yes i posted few days ago when my gf from London was still here. I just got back from the airport about an hour ago. We've departed twice before, once being when i met her on holiday, one being me visiting her, and now her visiting me. This was the most amount of time "physically" we've shared for this time we were around each 24/7.

This trip really was amazing, learned lot about each other, and our feelings are def sky high. The airport was extremely hard, the hardest one to date. Tears on both sides for sure, emotional to say the least. Now that i'm home, its setting in more and more. The car ride home with the empty seat, empty house, and ..i'm sure the empty bed will be rough for next few days. I really admire all of you who have and who are still currently going through this!! Words cant describe my admiration towards you all!

I think one of the worst things about this in my eyes so far, is the getting acquainted together personally, physically again, then getting adjusted to that persons absence and skype ..phone calls...emails. That part is really hard ive been coming to find. You get use to that person being there, then them not being there. At first it feels like youve missed a lot, and the first day or 2 has seemed bout getting back in touch. we just got use to each others company daily...amazing..no other words. Now back to learning to deal without her.

We do have a goal, maybe me visiting for a week in October, but im def really missing her and its only been 2 hours. Sorry for the rant, needed to vent. Thanks guys, any words of wisdom or support would be much appreciated!

My hubby and I have been together for 2.5 years.  We've had our fair share of hellos and goodbyes.  Just like you said, it is an emotional rollercoaster.  I sometimes thought everything might have been easier if we just didn't visit each other at all.  At least that way we just be used to not seeing each other.  It's hard to see someone, deal with the goodbyes, then settle back into the routine of dealing with the distance, then countdown the days to see them, see them again, deal with the goodbyes, get back to dealing with long distance, etc.  I know you want cheering up right now, but to be honest, it doesn't get any easier.  My last visit with my hubby was probably the easiest because I knew the next time I saw him (hopefully within a few months), I would be moving to the UK permanently (God willing for my visas to get approved) and there would be no more goodbyes.  Sometimes I am very apprehensive about how our marriage will be once I move there - we've never actually lived together - what if we don't like each other after 6 months of seeing each other every day?  LOL - I joke but you know what I mean. 

One of the things that helped me was stealing some of my hubby's clothes and cologne.  I kept one of his shirts to sleep in and I sprayed his cologne on my pillow and snuggled up with it at night.  It reminded me of him being there and since I had a piece of him with me, I somehow felt like we were connected closer.

I wish you the best of luck and I can't really offer any advice to make it better, but I can say that I feel your pain.

I think it's harder being the one "left behind", if you know what I mean than it is being the one who leaves, although both hurt like hell. 

I'm pretty much in the same boat as you.  Tim left on Saturday .  But I've been dealing with it surprisingly well.  Then again, I also came down with a weird Stomach Bug that won't go away since Sunday, so I haven't really had time to dwell on Tim not being here. 

syntax I am going to be honest with you..the goodbyes never get easier...the airport can be your best friend when you are arriving or they are..but when it is time to leave they become the worst place. My fiance and I have been together for 6 years. And I have been over for extended periods of time and he has come over here...and no matter what each time became harder and harder. Because the more time we spent together the more our relationship grew. You can try to think ahead to the next time you are going to see that person and that gives you a little bit of solace. But the more you love them the more the goodbyes will hurt...But on the positive side you still have skype where you can see and talk to her. It may not be much but for right now it is what you have. You are in an ldr and are going to have more times like this. But then maybe if she is the right one then someday you won't have to endure the goodbyes anymore. Right now I am at that place. I have 2 more weeks to go till my fiance is here and then we are getting married and then hopefully we don't have to be separated again. But your ldr is going to teach you not to take your time with her for granted and not to take your relationship for granted. You can do this. It is great you might see her in October that is only a few months away. So start looking forward to that...and you can vent on here anytime you like.

I agree with the others here, the goodbyes never get easier But, IMHO, it will get better with time--you're still sore, and it'll take a few days to readjust. Things will get a little easier once you're back on your schedule, and she's back to her thing, and you guys are planning your next visits. Honestly, it was those visits that kept me going, since I found having something to look forward to like that really helped the time go by When I applied for my visa, and I told people I wouldn't be traveling till September, some people asked me why I was waiting so long, since my visa was valid on 1 July. I told them it wouldn't be that long a wait since I had a definite date to look forward to--I have the ticker on my desktop, and having that constant reminder can be comforting at times when you feel like you're just tired of dealing with all the loneliness and sadness a LDR can bring.

I think it's harder being the one "left behind", if you know what I mean than it is being the one who leaves, although both hurt like hell. 

I can see how this could be--I know Steve had a few issues with it the last time I left. Personally for me leaving is the harder option--when I'm miserable, I really don't feel like being herded through security, and sitting in a terminal, and flying for 20 hours. When I come back from the UK I have a 6 hour layover in Newark, and all I usually want to do is just lay down and sleep/cry, but I can't since I'm not at home but I'm in the middle of nowhere without any friendly faces. I much prefer to be the one left behind since I have my mom here with me, and she does a good job of perking me up and making me not feel so alone even though a huge chunk of my heart is on a plane going back to the UK.

I want to thank everyone for replying. I just got back from the bar with a mate, was nice to have a semi distraction, but heavily missing her.

TarnLover, im happy for you and wish you well. As you did with the T-Shirts, cologne..i did something similar. I put a worn t shirt in her bag, that she will wear, and at the airport she gave me one of her worn ones, and im so happy i have that. Just being able to smell her does make a world of difference(might sound silly but it does)

You guys are right, i can see the more you fall the harder, hence this trip being the hardest yet, as its been the closet we've been. Also i heavily agree with this situation creating a greater appreciation for one another, and what you have. No time is wasted and one thing for sure last 2 trips, i didnt take it for granted one bit. I take every moment in, and know what i have. It really does let u know, and thats probably only good thing i can think about the long distance.

I know once i get back into (reality) schedule ill be ok, yes its sore, just hours ago she was here, and the flight status said she just landed. Im looking foward to hearing from her, back to skype. Thanks for your kind words, they mean a lot right now, def the hardest thing ive had to deal with in a long while, up's and down;s longing for there touch, etc.

My sympathies, Syntax30. It is soooo hard to say goodbye. I missed my DH (then BF) every minute of every day that we were apart. Every goodbye completely ripped my heart out. It doesn't get easier at all until the day when you are together for good. The only thing that kept us going was our plans for the future. But now that I'm here with him for good, I couldn't be happier and I love and cherish him so much more knowing how hard it was to be without him! So here's hoping your happy ending comes sooner rather than later! Good luck, and keep your chin up. ((HUGS))

Thanks Jewlz, its great to hear a happy ending in the midst of all this!! you payed your dues so glad thats all done and past for you!

Ive talked to her when she arrived and a bit today, were both bummed of course. Feels sooo strange, knowing theres 3600 miles and an ocean and again, when yesterday she was by my side.

Today is back to reality, first day back to work, and school starting  up end of month. So whats the best thing to do guys? Just keep busy as much as possible, working hard for the next encounter? I know my down time is gonna mess with me, so i guess thats what i should do!

Syntax..I find that my fiance and I both handled our separations differently...where as for me it helps me get through it the more times I get to talk to him...be it emails, skype or on the phone. If we schedule time to talk like 2 or 3 times in one week it gives me something to look forward to. Instead of not knowing when I am going to talk or see him...he is the opposite. He would rather try to get back into a regular routine and only talk once in awhile. Because he says after talking to me he just misses me more...so you have to figure out what is better for you...I try to focus on the little things. Like I am going to skype with him tomorrow at 2pm and I am soo excited about it. Instead of thinking he isn't going to be here until the 24th and by then I will have been away from him for a months time..It helps me to send emails when I am feeling emotional and miss him..or I have something exciting to tell him and I know he isn't home...I also wrote alot of letters to him and he would write letters back...that also gave me something to look forward to everytime I went out for the mail...these are just little things. But they help you endure the distance...it is not going to be easy but I am sure it will have a happy ending for you both...

Josy- I love the letters idea! I am going to steal it!

Again thanks for the replies! Def helps knowing im not alone!! Yeah we talked via phone today before i went to work, and chatted through email all day. Tomorrow we both off so were gonna Skype, and were both very excited about that!! Better then nothing! Ohhhh technology!! The letter thing could be a great idea as well!
I know when she just came up i bought her Ribena off Amazon(her fav drink) so its def funn doing things, surprises for her, each other!! I might have to steal that as well =D
Its just always hard re-adjusting to anything ive found it, i just got to get back into my routine, and keep my eyes set on the big picture and next visit!
It also feels good knowing your not in it alone, i know she feels the same way!!

you can steal it Beth...It is the best thing we have ever done and even now when him and I are separated I can go and get out the letters and cards he has sent me over the past 6 years and reread them...we were only going to be separated for 4 weeks but I found a card that said how I felt and I sent it to him...so I still do that

oh I forgot to say Syntax you may steal my idea as well..the Ribena thing was cool..it is the little surprises...some of the letters Jason would send would have newspaper clippings and stuff that he found interesting. He sent me Katie Melua's single "The closest thing to crazy" one time and told me that the song reminded him of us...so little things to make you feel closer to each other...and I love skype and get sooo excited...Jason and I are skyping this afternoon and I can't wait...to see him while talking to him really helps

Definitely keep yourself busy, if that's with extra hours at work which means you can save up to see her again soon then all the better!

Basically being apart sucks, saying goodbye sucks, having to jump through hoops with visas etc just to be together SUCKS...but get through it whilst always remembering the reason WHY and you'll have a wonderfully strong foundation to build your future together on.

She/he is worth the frustration and heartache and vice versa, just try to break it down into smaller chunks of time until you see each other. Mark each week off somehow. Things in the mail or whatever. It helps

I totally agree with all of you. Goodbyes are the most difficult thing ever. But I found it to be worse when it's a longer time that you get to spend together and then you aren't really counting down the days until you leave because you know you'll be with your S/O for while and them BAM! it's time to leave and you can't do anything about it, you jus have to leave eachother and  there are tears and many many last kisses and we even restricted ourselves from saying goodbye because I think that hurts even more and it's not really goodbye because we will see eachother again and talk to eachother on msn webchat and everything else. It's the most comforting when you think that it will be your last goodbye because you're getting ready to apply for your visa

There are so many things you can do to feel closer to the other person. I've tried the clothes thing as mentioned above and the we send many love letters and random cards and e-cards,  we're always making things for eachother and then there is always the next trip to look forward too.

I'm actually getting ready to apply for my visa -I'm sending everything out via an expeditor on Monday and I'm so scared about "what if?" .. what if I don't get the visa. Especially since my situation is a little peculiar with the DH having some major health issues at the moment, but all we can do at that point is pray and hope that everything works out for the best.


The goodbyes will never get any easier, but just think of that day when you won't have to say goodbye anymore and you may even be going on trips together! Xx*:..