The States as Visitor

What sorts of things do you do when you go "home" for a visit? What do you do with your family? Do you spend all your time with them, or see your friends more? We are only going for a week, and I do have a lot of friends I want to see, but I feel guilty making plans with my friends or doing other things. Is there a balance? The idea of spending the week cooped up in my mother's house watching bad tv doesn't fill me with great excitement, so I am trying to come up with some things to do, or wondering if it would terrible to sneak off and see some friends here and there.

We do things that we normally wouldn't be able to do when we're at home. Here we have no childcare if we want a romantic night out, see a film or a concert. We're heading back to Cali in November for 2 weeks and we're going to be taking advantage of having family that we trust to watch our daughter. We have already gotten tickets to a concert that both of us really want to see and a couple of other things.

I'd lost contact with most of my friends years before I left the US (I was a workaholic) so for us it's more about family than anything else. Though I do make a point of going back to my old workplace and keeping ties there for if and when we make it back there on a permanent basis, it never hurts... 

Unfortunately, my parents don't live close to my friends, so I have a hard time getting it all in and find myself driving A LOT. When I was home in March for a month before the wedding, I mainly hung out with my family and the couple of high school friends I still have at home. This last trip in July, I had to deal with my house in Baltimore, so I spent more time down there visiting with friends. I also made a point to see some friends that I haven't seen since I moved 3 years ago. My parents are pretty cool about not expecting me to sit and visit with them the whole time I'm there. I don't envy you only being there a week. It's really hard to fit everyone in and I always end up feeling guilt about something when I go back.

No matter who I visit with, I definitely go to Target, Ann Taylor Loft, Panera, Chick Fil-A, and the local pizza shop! 

We do things that we normally wouldn't be able to do when we're at home. Here we have no childcare if we want a romantic night out, see a film or a concert. We're heading back to Cali in November for 2 weeks and we're going to be taking advantage of having family that we trust to watch our daughter.

See, you are so lucky you have her to distract them. 

The thing is, my mom is dying to see us, and I will feel so guilty if I don't spend as much time with her as I can. On the other hand, she isn't always the most fun person to spend time with. And before I moved, I spent much more time with my friends than I ever did my family, so I am much closer to some of my friends. My best friend says "you can't spend the whole week up your mom's backside" and I don't want to... but certain things - like going to see a basketball game - that I really want to do, I will feel guilty about doing because I will feel like I should've been with them. At the same time, my BFF says "well, you will be with your family all day, it's your vacation - why couldn't you just go to a b-ball game?" I think she is right. It's just finding a balance that everyone can live with, I guess.

I make a list of everyplace and everything I want to eat weeks before I actually get there.  Then I spend my holiday crossing things off that list!

The thing is, my mom is dying to see us, and I will feel so guilty if I don't spend as much time with her as I can. On the other hand, she isn't always the most fun person to spend time with.

I could have written the exact same thing.  These days, it's not as much of a problem, as most of my friends have upped sticks and migrated to the DC metro area but back when I was visiting for the first time I had a hard time hanging out with my friends without feeling guilty about not spending the time with my folks. 

We go for two weeks - one week is spent with family (either all with one brother, or half with one, half with the other...or if we meet all at the same place, or whatever, you get the idea!).  The other week we treat as a 'real' vacation and do something we want to do - go back to places we like, or see something new, road trip, etc. 

There's no family guilt involved - it's just me and my two brothers (and their wives, etc) now (since mom died), and we've spent most of our adult lives living far away from each other with long periods of not seeing each other at all.  If I get to see them for a part of a week each year - that's more than we often saw each other in the past!

I don't tend to see friends much because I'm not good about keeping in touch & they live all over the country now (and some in other countries even further afield).

Oh and I shop - shop - shop! 

You'll go crazy if you try to have quality time with absolutely everyone.  My advice, especially if you're only going to be back for one week, is to have a pub night where anyone who wants can pop in to see you.  Send out a big email saying you'll be around from 5:00pm to midnight or whatever, and then let them show up throughout the evening.  Of course, you can do whatever you want, but this is a good way to keep you from running from friend to friend to try and squeeze everyone in.  I was back for a month last time and I still didn't manage to see everyone I wanted to! 

You'll go crazy if you try to have quality time with absolutely everyone.  My advice, especially if you're only going to be back for one week, is to have a pub night where anyone who wants can pop in to see you.  Send out a big email saying you'll be around from 5:00pm to midnight or whatever, and then let them show up throughout the evening.  Of course, you can do whatever you want, but this is a good way to keep you from running from friend to friend to try and squeeze everyone in.  I was back for a month last time and I still didn't manage to see everyone I wanted to! 

This is a great idea. I always try to plan a happy hour with friends so that I can knock out a whole bunch of people in one go.

I've only been back once, and I stayed with some close friends. They have a lot of land, so we planned a HUGE cookout for while I was there and invited all my friends. It was great, and I got to see everyone all in one day! 

I've only been back once, and I stayed with some close friends. They have a lot of land, so we planned a HUGE cookout for while I was there and invited all my friends. It was great, and I got to see everyone all in one day! 

This is basically what I do each time I go home.  My parents have an open house and we invite everybody.  But I do go out at night a lot with friends and sometimes in the day.  Granted I go home two to three times a year and my mom comes to see us that many times as well.  So I've never come across any problems.  Most important thing is trying not to stress about it all.  You can't do everything and see everyone.  Hopefully people understand that!

I've had to travel to see my family and friends for over 7 years and I can never spend enough time to see everyone I want.  When I have a short trip, I prioritise who I see, those who I keep in good regular contact with and then the rest, well they just have to wait.  When I have a longer trip, I try hard to meet with everyone ,though it does become quantity over quality sometimes  

Like Bmore, I end up doing a shedload of driving as well.  
Lucky for me though, I have really cool parents that everyone actually likes to hang out with, so I have friends who will come down and hang out with all of us.  

I like the idea of a pub night so people can come see you, or a meal out, or something social where you can see lots at once.  Interestingly enough, you know who your true friends are if they're willing to make an effort to come see you at a local pub-party-parent's house- rather than the other way around.  Of course, there are exceptions to the rule (as you can't meet everyone's schedules) but still gives you a good idea  

Don't feel guilty about seeing your friends and not spending every waking minute with your mom.  Its your holiday, your time, your life.  Try and find a balance. It is hard though, I don't envy you having only a week either.  

When we went back to Atlanta for Thanksgiving we spent most of our time with my family (some of whom had traveled a long way to see us) but beforehand I set up two different get-togethers (one with my friends and one with the kids' friends) so that those were already written into the calendar.  Otherwise the two weeks would have flown by and we'd never would have gotten around to seeing anyone.  Most of our friends made an effort to come to those gatherings and it was great!