The eight month vent.

Oh, you guys.  I hadn't come back to read this until just now and the responses made me feel so much better.  I have to admit, it makes me kind of sad to realize that this probably will not get better, and that they might never call and they might never come visit.  It's one of those things you think about before you go but the reality of it hits kind of hard, and you start questioning what any of those relationships meant at all, if you can't sustain them at a distance. 

But at the same time, I feel braver about it to realize it DOES happen to so many people and you all seem to be cooking along regardless.  It's good to know that even though it probably won't change, I might not feel so bad about it in the future.  I think it could even be the incentive I need to just let go of this part and look for the next thing that makes me happy.

Ruby, your post echoes my feelings at the moment exactly.  Big hugs.

Funny enough, I have family NOW who tell me they won't visit the UK because they don't want to get passports or fly over the Atlantic and I haven't even moved yet!

But I know how you feel. I deliberately set up a US Skype number because I was in Canada for 2 months before my trip to the UK and wasn't going to have my US mobile turned on while in Canada (and it doesn't work in the UK).  I gave out the number to everyone before I left, had it posted on my LJ and FB, etc....and I got calls from 2 friends and 2 relatives the whole time I was in either country.....and one of the calls was to give me New Year's Eve "phone love" from the BNL show!

It's kindof like when you quit a job and you swear you'll stay in close contact with all your work mates and get together frequently...and then you do and you've lost the bond...

I can guarantee the questions my dad will ask when he first sees me. He always asks if I have heard from people I haven't talked to in over 20 years 

I find it so interesting when I come on here and read all of the things that I thought and felt but never could/can quite articulate them as well as everyone else! (especially the not rinsing the dishes grievance, I absolutely died laughing!)

But, yes, it is like that when you move.  Eventually people move on with their lives and realize that you are no longer part of theirs and the phone calls (if any) are more infrequent as are the emails and the visits.  Thankfully, I was lucky enough to have my mother and stepfather, who travel quite often, visit every year.  The others, like the OP said, thought I might as well have moved to the moon.  And Skype, my whole family seemed to think that setting that up was like trying to determine the DaVinci code! 

Painful...    :\\\'(

However, I did move back to the States a year and a half ago and reentry has been very difficult for me.  I seriously feel like I am in limbo everyday.  Sometimes I don't really want to be here, sometimes I do not want to be there...My friendships changed drastically when I moved and since I have moved back home all of those relationships have gone by the wayside even further.  I guess it was the initial distance that grew us apart, but now I am a completely different person after living in the UK and do not seem to relate to people here anymore.  It can be very sad and very confusing but one has to look at who they married and why and try to find that happiness from within and everything else will hopefully fall into place.

My DH has been having the same issue with all his British friends and family since moving here a year ago and thankfully I understand his frustrations and know how to console him.  He feels they seem to have moved on as well and he (and, admittedly I also) feel a bit forgotten.

So, many times when we feel like it is the two of us against the world - we daydream about moving to a tropical island since we feel like it is only the two of us anyway!

Like a lot of people, I haven't even left yet, but I just know that my family's going to be the same.  Seriously, when I try to picture my dad on a transatlantic flight, it just doesn't work; it's like trying to picture a penguin in the Sahara.  And as for webcams?  He still has dial-up.  Excruciatingly slow, if it hits 15 kb/s it's a bloody miracle, dial-up.  So, that's not going to happen.  And even though the rest of my family are perfectly capable, from a technology standpoint, I just can't see them bothering.

Not that it's going to matter.  I'm not going to do anything differently.  I'll still move.  I'll still go to lengths to make sure that they know how to get in touch with me.  I'll probably even pay for a virtual number in my home town, so that I'm only a local call away.  I'll even fill out the passport forms for my dad.  But I'm not going to hold my breath that it'll make any difference.  It's just how there are.  Doesn't matter if I'm across an ocean, or across Lake Michigan. 

I know they love me.  They're just really lame. 

And Skype, my whole family seemed to think that setting that up was like trying to determine the DaVinci code! 

LOL!  Back in the pre-Skype days, I set my parents up a Yahoo email address and showed them how to use Yahoo instant messaging, so that we could 'talk' in real time.   I got pretty much the same reaction as above!

I really hate how I rarely talk to my aunts or cousins, and then when I do, I get the distinct impression that they now think that I think I am better than them in some way. Do you know what I mean by that? The sound in their voice is "Oh, well, la dee dah, you live in England now.... whoooopee." It really hurts my feelings because I don't think I am better than anyone else, and I miss all of them, though I feel they don't give a rats ____ as to whether I come back for a visit or not. If they ask me a question that takes me a lengthy time to answer, I can tell they get bored of me talking and wish they hadn't asked. I rarely speak to them, and they rarely have anything to say.  The saddest part is, I think they have always been this way, only now it's just more pronounced because of the distance. They were invited to my wedding (which was only a 45 minute drive from where they live), but none of them came. I didn't even get a phone call to explain why they couldn't come (or even a call afterwards to congratulate me), I had to hear from my mom, who by the way, had a face like an ar$e on my wedding day because none of her family came. She spends all her time trying to impress her mother and sisters, and they let her down so often. Instead of just looking forward to us visiting, she had to completely remodel her house and stress herself out because she wanted the house to look nice for when everyone comes over to see us.  The aunts do make some effort sometimes, like most of them came to my going away party and chipped in some money to send me off with, so I felt loved then, but those times seem so far and few between sometimes. I sometimes wonder if they just came and chipped in money out of a feeling of obligation, rather than in true support and happiness for what I was doing. (As a sidenote: They came to my college graduation, but left less than an hour later saying they "needed to get back," even though it only took an hour to drive there. I ended up spending most of the day with my boyfriend's mom, who drove 5 hours to see me graduate!

I feel silly even worrying about it. Why should I care what they think of me and my life? They aren't much of a part of it. But I guess the feeling of wanting acceptance just lingers in my mind. Wanting my family to be proud of me for some things, or just wanting them to miss me or whatever. To be honest, I think if something were to happen to my mom, I would never see or speak to any of them ever again - they wouldn't make any effort, and I would be tired of always making the effort. I would never go and visit there again if that happened.

Anyway, thanks for letting me rant! I know I shouldn't let it get to me. All that matters is that I am happy with the decision I have made and the life I am living, not what anyone else thinks about it.

Ah yes, loading the dreaded Skype...my cousin won't do it since she has free domestic long distance and I'm the only person that lives abroad. 
My Mom doesn't have a computer  and has limited funds so I call her once a week, sometimes more. 
Otherwise I receive occasional emails from friends stateside.  Most are on Facebook which makes it easier. 
My Mom has reached the age where it is too difficult for her to travel over to see us.  No one else has a passport/money/the inclination to come over.

And as for webcams?  He still has dial-up.  Excruciatingly slow

Dial-up? I know more people without internet than I know people with dial-up 

Thankfully, after I arrived, I got a subscription with skype so I can call US landlines and US mobiles unlimited for about six dollars per month. I call my parents a few times a week mostly because I haven't gotten my mobile set up yet so they can't call me and for their sake. I believe the reason they have gotten on about my move so well is because I have family (most of them actually) about three hundred miles away. I was talking to them yesterday about the possibility of visiting for Christmas they replied, "oh, is it expensive to fly here...that much huh? go visit the rest of the family in Europe!" 

I know what you mean Jewelz. I have a friend who is jealous of my opportunity to live here, but she is quite happy for me as well. I still feel bad if I mention the UK or London because I don't want to...'rub it in.' She and another friend are very enthusiastic about getting a chance to visit next year. My friends are bad at saving money, but it's the thought that counts right? DBF doesn't want to visit yet, doesn't have a passport and has no motivation to get one. My feelings are still quite torn about that...I do want him to visit but he has taken my move away so well that he can maturely wait for me to come visit.

I just don't understand why people don't have passports or at least take care of getting one even if they don't travel? I have always had one and it just seems natural to me to get one. Even if you don't travel regularly, should the opportunity present itself for whatever reason, especially since first passports can take weeks to process, wouldn't it be worth it to have it anyway? 

I haven't moved over yet either --- though should be moving within weeks.  I can relate to so much on this thread.  I can't see my dad visiting (just turned 81) and the long flight with his circulation issues would prove a hazard I'm sure.  My mom (in her 60's) never seemed to be much of a traveler.  She turned down the opportunity to be on a cruise with one of her sisters (who she is closest too).  She also turned down an opportunity to fly out to California to spend time with the rest of her siblings even when they offered to pay for her flight.

As for my sister and her family --- who knows.  I can see envy getting the best of my sister making her want to visit.  But either way I'm not holding my breath.

As for skype -- my sister is familiar with it.  Doubt my mother will be able to handle it and heaven help my dad (supposed to wear hearing aids in both ears -- does he? Nope).

The thing that will make my transition easier is the fact that by nature I'm a loner -- maybe it's the Virgo in me.  I have one close girlfriend who I mainly correspond with via email.  I don't 'hangout' with friends in clubs, shopping etc.,  You can mainly find me alone -- which I enjoy up to a point.  As for my family -- I can go months without seeing them though we live in the Washington Metro area.  I figure as long as I can communicate with them via the web I should be okay.

I think what will get to me the most will be during my wedding ceremony when I walk down the aisle there will be no family members there.

I can definetly relate to all of the above.  I have been in the UK for 8 years now, and relationships w/ family and friends have been dwindled to hardly existing.  People automatically assume that I should make the effort to keep communication between us... Why is that?!  They are just as capable of picking up a phone as I am, but I am the one who constantly makes the effort.
Family visits? Forget it, half of my family haven't left their state, let alone traveling to another country and getting a passport!
It's sad really, but only within the last year have I been able to except it and move on w/ my life.