ideas for keeping evening/bedtime routine calmer?

I'm really struggling right now with bedtime. Both boys, for some reason, get completely wound up after dinner. Normal things like baths and story time don't calm them down. As a matter of fact, bath time gets them even more wound up so I tend to do that in the afternoons!

The problem is that Sammy keeps Jake awake and they are both often up until well past 8 and later.

Also, dinner time is when my husband gets home and this also winds them up but he has to work and he wants to see the kids obviously.

Any suggestions for a good bed time routine or tricks you've learned? For those who don't know, Sammy is 3-1/2 and Jake 18 months.

We play super fast dancing music for a while and let them get their energy out a bit, then put on a few slow quiet songs (though kid friendly) and that helped. Then keeping the quiet music on during PJs, stories, teeth etc. Might not work, but it did for us.

Talk to them about it.  Tell them the routine over and over and over again from about supper time on and you stay calm and quiet from that time on as well.  It won't help though if dad is not on board, it has to come from both of you. 

I don't know anyone who doesn't have (what I call) "CRAZY HOUR" during bedtime, I just try to enjoy it rather than fight it. Noah has a bath at 7.15 on the dot (right after Spongebob) and after bathtime I just let him go crazy for 10 - 15 minutes, its not what I necessarily want, but I think it helps him to unwind. After a few minutes jumping around etc, which I do join in on (I must admit) he does calm down and listen to stories.

Why not try to embrace the craziness and let your husband deal with it while you put your feet up and have a nice cup of tea!

My husband and I both work pretty much full time, and the consistant bedtime routing, WITHOUT GETTING FRUSTRATED is a big big part of our life, and really, the most enjoyable!

Good luck!

Do they share a room? Does Jake go to bed on his own, or do you have a repertoire of tricks to get him to go to sleep?

When Lyra (she's four) gets wound up after dinner, it's usually because she's getting more tired (vicious cycle). In the past, if I let her stay up past eight, she wouldn't go to sleep some nights until eleven!    So now we have a very strict bedtime routine: dinner is at six, then bathtime, then brushing teeth, stories, then bed at 7:30. For whatever reason, this works like a charm, and we haven't had any bedtime-related hassles for months.

But with two kids, it must be so much harder! Could you put off dinner until after the kids have had fifteen/twenty minutes to rough house with their dad once he gets home? If they could get that energy out of their system, they might be more relaxed and focused at dinner (alternately, this could backfire - depends on the kids!). But it's important that playtime doesn't extend into dinnertime - once dinnertime comes it's time for everyone to chill out. My daughter's a total wiggleworm at dinnertime but a reminder that I'll count to three (warning for a timeout) usually gets her to focus on her food.

As far as bedtime itself goes, could you and your husband each get one of the children ready for bed? If you always put Jake down about a half-hour before he puts Sammy to bed (whoever has the hardest time going to sleep should probably go to bed first so they won't disturb the other one), that could inject some serious routine. With my daughter, always knowing what's about to happen really helps - it seems that when kids think that anything could happen, they're much more likely to bounce off the walls.

Just some ideas.   Let us know how it's working!

Wait, I just reread your post. Are you trying to bathe both of them and read them stories at the same time? If so, it might help to split them up.

Thanks for the suggestions. I'm not sure splitting them up would work. They are very close and share a room. Sammy is older so in theory, could stay up later, but I know he'd wake Jake if we put him to bed first.

Rach, I wish I could embrace it, and in general, we embrace the silliness for a bit. But once it's tooth brushing and story time, Jake is on board with chilling out, but Sammy is just wired. What happens then is that he runs around their bedroom inciting a revolt. He takes Jake's toys/books/pacifier, etc. and just in general makes a nuisance of himself for at least an hour.

I think maybe we'll try the music and also play soothing music in their bedroom once the lights are out.

I'm a bit different I guess, but I've never kept the kids on a tight schedule for bedtimes, some nights it's bed at 7:30 (for our 3 year old, Peewee) if she's tired, other nights it might be 8 or 8:30.  I did the same thing with my oldest too. They've both tended to get into a routine that suits them and unless they get really crabby, it's always worked well for us. Peewee knows when she's tired and it's rare she's not straight into bed, tucked in without a fuss.  To me, it was important to let them develop their own sleep patterns, within reason of course. But I realize not all kids respond or thrive with that.

One suggestion that might work is if Sammy is the one being rowdy, you might consider putting Jake to bed and then having some special Mommy/Sammy time for a bit. Talk to him and explain the special time is because he's getting to be a big boy, but it's a time to be quiet and relax. You could explain to him that because he gets that special time, he has to remember that Jake is already sleeping and has to be extra quiet when he does go to bed.  You could do stories or just curl up together for a bit in another room.  If he understands and enjoys the special time, it might not be too hard to split the bedtimes up a bit.

It might sound weird, but the white noise cd's work pretty well for little ones too. I used one for my oldest when she was little and couldn't sleep. It would put her right out.