Is Moving Family to UK a Mistake??

Hello all,

I just needed to put some thoughts out there and see if any of you have any advice for me. I've been reading this board quite a bit in the last couple weeks and I introduced myself on the "Welcome Wagon" explaining how my family (DH and DS) and I will be moving to London within the next six months and how excited I am for this since its been my dream for 20 years. However, I've read several posts from other membersthis week who like me wanted to make the move, researched, planned and finally did it and they are unhappy with their decision.

I realize that everyone has their own ways of coping and experiences as well, but it has begun to create doubts in my mind about whether or not this is a good idea. DH is only going because he knows its been my dream and he wants to help me fulfill it...DS is going on 4 yrs...am I going to cause emotional harm to my son? I've begun preparing him in the abstract, "We're going to be moving to a country called England soon!" All he wants to know is if England has toys or not, lol, of which I answered in the affirmative

What if we get there and we're miserable? Or DH is miserable? It will be on my conscience knowing that I was the one that caused the misery. If it was only me, then I would do it in a heartbeat; I should have done this in my twenties. Now, I am 32 an feel like if I don't do this now then I never will. Uggghhh...I'm so confused!

The way I figure it- nothing is undoable- well- nothing can be made to exactly the way it was before- however- it can be close- and there's no shame in giving something a try and then deciding if that's not for you, its the way it is.

That being said, you know your children best. Some children jump into things easily and other children are traumatized by upheaval and change. Some kids are hugely resilient and don't even care. How does your son cope with leaving him at nursery for the day? How does he handle a change in a day to day routine? Moving to the other side of the world is a huge upheaval for anyone and you'll want to make sure that you have a good idea of these things before you come! 

You can't really tell until you've tried it. Optimism and being as prepared as possible (i.e., a job, being proactive about finding social outlets for all of you, etc.) will take you a long way from the likelihood of mistakeville.

I've been here for a couple of months, and eh, once or twice I've panicked and thought it was all a terrible mistake. But it isn't - even if it were, I would still be glad that I took the leap and gave it a go. That whole no regrets thing and whatnot.

People are pretty adaptable. Even if you have to move home, no one will be traumatized from the event.    I'd say that if this has seriously been your dream, and you have your husband's approval, then go for it! It *might* be a mistake, but then again, it might also be the best thing you've ever done. 

Well, I'm in the same position wondering the same things.  My husband and I are moving in January with our 2 year old. I have a job and we're already connected with our church in East London but we are still freaked out.  Will my husband find a job? Will this make our son miserable? Etc.  I am 32 also and we know this is our only chance.  I figure if we hate it, we can come home.  It is a risk but we're going to take it at this point. 

It would be interesting if someone took a poll on this site, asking if you had to do it all over again, would you make the move..(hindsight and all that being such a fab thing...)

I reckon it would be 50/50....

We don't regret moving to the UK with our family as it has turned out to be a very positive experience.  That's not to say there haven't been moments when we've regretted moving though.

Since you don't have family ties to this country, but you have always dreamed of moving here, maybe you should just do it in a trial kind of way?  That is, rent your home instead of selling it, and store your furniture, and give it a couple years over here with a plan to go back if you hate it?

If you don't make the move you will always wonder what if.  As someone else said if it turns out not to be what you expected you will always have to option to move back.  A move overseas is exciting and scary at the same time. You will have highs and lows.  Don't expect to fully settle in for at least 12 months, it can even take up to 2 years.  Know that this is a foreign country and things will NOT be as they are in the States.  Keep and open mind, enjoy the adventure and learn to see the world from a very different view.

As for children, the OP mentioned she has a 4 year old and littlecakes has a 2 year old.  These children are young enough to adapt very easily.  What is most important to a child that age is that they are with their parents.  If the parents are positive they will be also.

I was 6 when my family moved to Ireland and this was in the 60's so no internet etc., anyway, even though I hated my school, I was never unhappy as I had my family, and here I am all these years later still an expat.

Well, maybe I shouldn't be responding, since I'm not going to talk about moving with your family.

My comments have to do with your dreams.  I dreamed of living in the UK when I was a teenager (my mom is English), but didn't do it - visited a few times through the years and always wondered 'what if'. 

When my first marriage ended over five years ago (me in my late 40's, kids mostly grown), I started to picture myself as an elderly woman in my rocking chair, still wondering 'what if'. 

I have family ties, but even without them, I can honestly say I'm happy I took the jump.  I came over on a student visa, but married two years later.  Unfortunately, the marriage is falling apart, but even with all that to go through, I am SO happy I fulfilled my dream of living here, and don't intend to move back to the US - I miss my kids, but the opportunity to see them once a year or so will have to do.

Best of luck on your move!

I agree with juliloew. You have the means (EEA citizenship) to live out your dream and a supportive husband to boot. Your son is young enough that he will adapt easily. If he were in high school, that might be different. I say go for it! If it doesn't work out, you can always go back.

Thanks everyone for your responses! I think you're right and that we should do it because I know one day when I'm looking back on my life I don't want to wonder "what if"?? I feel like everything in our lives is lining up perfectly directing us to just do it. We sold our house last December and although we looked for nearly 6 months for a new home we never quite found it. So, we decided to rent and continue to add to our savings and the money we made off the house. DS has two more years before he begins US school. And who knows, I may actually get the transfer with my company...it's all lining up to be the "right time", you know? I have a very good friend who lived in Germany for five years years ago whom I was quite envious of because he got to live this really cool adventure. I've lived in Germany for a summer and been to Ireland, England, France, etc...and although those were just visits I know that I would love to try living in one of those places and provide my son with a much broader world-view. And I do have some relatives outside London (although 2nd cousins lol) that I will look up once we are there. Right now my family (dad, mom, sisters, brother) live 600 miles away and I only get to see them once a year if I'm lucky so it really wouldn't be that much different, right?

Thanks again all...you've calmed my nervousness greatly