Flirting with the American (for a green card)

I'm in an extremely crabby mood today, my blistering headache is certainly not helping!

Has anyone else had men, not necessarily British, latch themselves (metaphorically) onto you the minute they found out you were American? I'm not talking about curious interest, I mean the conversation goes like this "Oh, your accent, you're American huh? Are you married? Give me your number."

I have had this happen to me so many times, with foreign men, that it's not amusing anymore. My friends say that to them, it sounds like these men are hunting for a green card. I know it must sound paranoid, but such actions do not sit well with me. It's so creepy...they'll try and get me to give them my number, ask where I live...again, creepy! I've thought about being mean, but I don't know what they'll do. I've told them flat out that I'm not interested, doesn't seem to stop them.   

Has anyone else had this happen to them? 

Maybe they just find American women sexy.

Or maybe they are just attracted to you and think it's an easy way to start a conversation.

Maybe they just find American women sexy.

Or maybe they are just attracted to you and think it's an easy way to start a conversation.

Or maybe they do want a green card.

Because I had this happen to me more than once, when I was single in London.

Or maybe they do want a green card.

Because I had this happen to me more than once, when I was single in London.

It happened to me, too. Once it was by the Boots security guard. I was sick as a dog, in my pajamas, looking for cough medicine, was not in the mood, and actually told him I thought it was weird and inappropriate.

This is a little... If not necessarily incorrect, then at least odd. If the conversation literally does just go "Oh, your accent, you're American huh? Are you married? Give me your number." then, you've definitely got a fair gripe, but given how often this seems to be happening I'd stick my neck out and say that this isn't quite the case. If it isn't and it really is just a normal-ish if clumsy attempt at hitting on you, it seems to be quite harsh both to the people you meet and to yourself. First of all, I think it's almost certain that this happens because it's a combination of finding Americans interesting, attractive and (stereotypically) friendly. If it goes too far - that's a big problem, but it's a different problem and not really to do with your American-ness as much as it's to do with the fact that these guys are rude and insensitive. If they aren't being like that but it just is because they're showing a normal level of interest, then again it isn't especially their issue. Perhaps you just don't like how Londoners behave, but again, that doesn't really have anything to do with a prospective green card. It's a little insulting to assume that all these people walk around disliking London and Britain so much that the second they meet an American they view her as nothing more but a ticket out.

As has been said, it's also an easy way to keep a conversation going and find out about someone. It also makes you a little more individual, in a city which is otherwise quite anonymous if you're just run of the mill. Also, probably you're just a friendly, attractive person in and of yourself? I mean, I don't want to tread on your toes, but why assume that they want you for your green card when really, they fancy you? I'd take a bet and say you're not so hideous and horrible that your citizenship is the only thing you've got going for you.

I think you're trying to read your being American as the *only* aspect to people's interactions with you when, really, that's not the case. You may stick out for being American, but no-one's going to let that fact dictate everything.

It's a little insulting to assume that all these people walk around disliking London and Britain so much that the second they meet an American they view her as nothing more but a ticket out.

I mean, I don't want to tread on your toes, but why assume that they want you for your green card when really, they fancy you? I'd take a bet and say you're not so hideous and horrible that your citizenship is the only thing you've got going for you.

I think you're trying to read your being American as the *only* aspect to people's interactions with you when, really, that's not the case. You may stick out for being American, but no-one's going to let that fact dictate everything.

Of course I don't believe that everyone I speak with hates Britain and wants a 'ticket out.' I'm still figuring out the social cues here. I figured it sounds a little paranoid. I am a young woman and it can get scary when men, even when you repeatedly tell them that you are not interested, do not go away. Even worse when they follow you and wait outside your flat building... Plus that gut feeling that just says that their intentions are insincere. Of course, this type of behavior isn't particular to Britain, but I have personally never dealt with it before and was just wondering how others cope with it.

I am a young woman and it can get scary when men, even when you repeatedly tell them that you are not interested, do not go away. Even worse when they follow you and wait outside your flat building...

Now THAT is scary and creepy! Oh my. I would probably move to a new neighborhood if that were happening to me..

I would guess that some of them are just harmlessly trying to flirt with you, like others have said...but it sounds like some are taking it WAY too far!   Good luck with that one! It's never happened to me though, perhaps because I don't say much when I'm out and about in the UK? Hm...

Reminds me of yahoo messager off topic but men from everywhere look up American accounts. You get about 10 "can be friend?" when you log in

Maybe this is stupid, but, if they are complete strangers who have never met you before, and who have never spoken to you before, why would they suspect that you are American in the first place? Until they hear your accent, wouldn't they just assume you are a random British person?

The only time I've ever been asked if I was American is after I'd spoken to someone and they heard my accent.

Well, think of it as if you were an Englishman (or woman, for that matter) in America. Anytime my DH opens his mouth in the states, women practically fall all over him whether I am with him or not, as is the case with lots of other British folks in America. Many American women kind of swoon and become a bit weird when they hear an English accent, it's a strange attraction, probably from seeing too many Hugh Grant rom coms. They aren't necessarily looking for a green card, I don't think. US girls just often find the English accent very sexy. I guess I'm no exception. 

When I was in London without my DH (then boyfriend), there were a couple of guys down the pub who were just going on and on about how much they love American accents and asking me to say something again, so it felt a bit of the reverse of how it would be for those English dudes in America. As others have said, I might be inclined to say they just find the accent sexy, and maybe you are very attractive to boot, which gives a further pull for them. However, if some creepy bloke was following me and hanging around my apartment building, I'd confront him and tell him to stop harassing me or I'll call the police. Or maybe you could just wear a wedding band and tell people you are married or engaged or something. Or a lesbian. Wait, that might make it worse.... lol. 

Also, I hate to say this, but I have heard (and don't know if it's necessarily true) that we American girls have a reputation for being a little more willing and free sexually than some women in other countries. I've heard American girls say they get harassed in Italy and other places because men think they are easy. I hope that's not the case, but maybe that might have something to do with it.  Or maybe these guys have heard that American girls love English accents, so they just assume you would fall all over them... such is the "special relationship." LOL. In fact, I just asked DH if he thought it was a pretty fair assumption to make about impressions of American women, and he said that he thinks maybe English guys think of American girls as being "less frigid" or a bit more open-minded sexually. So that might be what they are thinking.

Well, think of it as if you were an Englishman (or woman, for that matter) in America. Anytime my DH opens his mouth in the states, women practically fall all over him whether I am with him or not, as is the case with lots of other British folks in America. Many American women kind of swoon and become a bit weird when they hear an English accent, it's a strange attraction, probably from seeing too many Hugh Grant rom coms. They aren't necessarily looking for a green card, I don't think. US girls just often find the English accent very sexy. I guess I'm no exception. 

When I was in London without my DH (then boyfriend), there were a couple of guys down the pub who were just going on and on about how much they love American accents and asking me to say something again, so it felt a bit of the reverse of how it would be for those English dudes in America. As others have said, I might be inclined to say they just find the accent sexy, and maybe you are very attractive to boot, which gives a further pull for them. However, if some creepy bloke was following me and hanging around my apartment building, I'd confront him and tell him to stop harassing me or I'll call the police. Or maybe you could just wear a wedding band and tell people you are married or engaged or something. Or a lesbian. Wait, that might make it worse.... lol. 

Also, I hate to say this, but I have heard (and don't know if it's necessarily true) that we American girls have a reputation for being a little more willing and free sexually than some women in other countries. I've heard American girls say they get harassed in Italy and other places because men think they are easy. I hope that's not the case, but maybe that might have something to do with it.  Or maybe these guys have heard that American girls love English accents, so they just assume you would fall all over them... such is the "special relationship." LOL. In fact, I just asked DH if he thought it was a pretty fair assumption to make about impressions of American women, and he said that he thinks maybe English guys think of American girls as being "less frigid" or a bit more open-minded sexually. So that might be what they are thinking.

It might have been the migraine and the crabby mood when I wrote this, now I believe I went too far when I said men were 'fishing for a green card.' Some definitely do take it too far, which is why sometimes I am cautious of their intentions.

Interesting idea, I hadn't thought of the 'loose American girl' stereotype. I have definitely heard of it. You might be amused by this duo-article from the Onion. The first written by an American woman and the second by an Italian man  http://www.theonion.com/content/node/34198