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Topic: Crazy feelings before visiting my fiance in 7 days!  (Read 1701 times)

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Crazy feelings before visiting my fiance in 7 days!
« on: April 15, 2010, 02:15:30 PM »
Hi.

So I love this site, and I turn to it for a lot of advice and info.  So I turn here when I am having weird feelings before visiting my fiance in 7 days.

I am going to arrive in Mancheter next Thursday (April 22), and I am SOOO excited!  So excited that I am getting aggravated that I have to go through 2 more days of work this week, and two days next week before I leave on Wednesday.  I am not sleeping well, and Im getting down...oddly enuf.  I am getting more nervous about my fiance going out and finding someone else, or lying etc.  I am becoming super suspicious AND super clingy and needy.  I know its irritating my fiance a little.  I cant help it. 

AND Im getting super nervous about going over.  Nervous about stuff I shouldnt be...like if my fiance will feel the same about me (its been 4.5 months), if I will turn him on...since i swear he forgets what my body looks like...just nervous.

Are my feelings insane? :-\\\\


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Re: Crazy feelings before visiting my fiance in 7 days!
« Reply #1 on: April 15, 2010, 04:58:39 PM »
Hi katrinacov -

Please be reassured that you are not insane. LDR's come with a whole host of emotions, fears & concerns. But on the same token they can also be a source of happiness, joy, and so much love and respect.

My DF and I met in the Summer of 07 but then didn't see each other in person again until March of 09!!! We both had the same fears and apprehensions about if we would feel the same way once we saw each other again. Like Magic - the moment I arrived in Manchester it had been like no time had passed at all.

We truly believe that LDR allow us to create a very strong bond and foundation to a relationship. No matter the distance we always feel close to each other.

It is so perfectly normal to feel nervous. I have experience the same clingyness in the past and it feels like it comes from no where right? I think its all down to the distance and insecurities will inevitably creep up on you.

Talk about your fears with your partner, no matter how silly they seem. You may find that once you voice them, they all of a sudden don't seem as huge any more.

DF fave advice to give me is to "Quantify my fears to him" Usually once I am finished "quantifying". I realise I was worried for nothing.

You are going to have a great visit with your Fiance. Enjoy the moments together, we all know how precious they are.  :)

DF is coming in 8 days - I have probably gained 5 pounds :P I am feeling self conscience about it - but when I quantify it - I know he won't even notice ;)

Hope this helps a little

~ CMG x
"One does not have to be rough to be strong; one can be gentle and persistent and still achieve results"


Re: Crazy feelings before visiting my fiance in 7 days!
« Reply #2 on: April 15, 2010, 06:50:53 PM »
Thank you so much!  Ive noticed you have posted to other posts of mine, and you are so very helpful and make me feel so better about things, and give me a different way to look at things!  So helpful!

I keep thinking that once we see each other everything will fall into place.  Lately it seems like we are both on edge and a little unsure what to discuss, because we have nothing new happening and I am going over so soon.  I have constant fears that since I have to wait til September to move over there he will change his mind about being in this relationship, but fears are normal I think.

I hear ya about the weight.  I lost a whole bunch when we were together, and now since he has been gone I know I have gained some (not sure how because I dont have a scale), but the pants that were once loose on me with him are now tight...so theres something....so yes Ive been feeling self concious about that too...afraid he forgot what my body looks like. LOL.  He says no...but still nervous! 

Silly things like will our kisses feel the same...stupid!

This morning I was complaining about how these 7 days are taking AGES, and he was saying its quick....just talked to him this afternoon...and he is changing he toon LOL.


 :P


Re: Crazy feelings before visiting my fiance in 7 days!
« Reply #3 on: April 15, 2010, 06:57:08 PM »
I definitely agree.  I was nervous and panicky when I visited dh before we married.  I'd go through a whole host of emotions starting with crazy excited, to resenting work, to nervous, and just struggling to keep it together the closer it came to seeing him.  I think it's normal to wonder if it will still feel the same when you are together.  I know I definitely went through it.   :)

I hope you have a great trip while you are here!


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Re: Crazy feelings before visiting my fiance in 7 days!
« Reply #4 on: April 15, 2010, 10:29:48 PM »
I agree with CMG. Just talk to your fiancé about your fears. LDRs aren't easy at all and I think people who go through them are so very strong. You have to have a lot of faith in yourself and your partner.

You'll be surprised how quickly the last few days will go and then it will be like no time has passed between you two. :)
August 2008: Met on Facebook
February 2009: Met face-to-face in London, UK
March 2009 - September 2011: Visits back and forth
January 30, 2012: Married in Vegas
March 19, 2012: Online Application Completed
March 22, 2012: Biometrics, Docs sent (priority)
March 23, 2012: E-mail stating reception of docs
March 26, 2012: VISA ISSUED! :D
May 14, 2012: MOVING TO SHEFFIELD!
March 17, 2014: Passed Life in the UK Test!
June 14, 2014: ILR Approved!


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Re: Crazy feelings before visiting my fiance in 7 days!
« Reply #5 on: April 16, 2010, 01:31:11 AM »
Not insane at all!  :)

LDRs are tough.  I don't know anyone who has gone through a prolonged LDR to be able to sail through it easily without any tough spots.  Heck, I've known couples where one of them had to go on a business trip for 1 or 2 weeks, and it was hard on one or both of them - just for 1 or 2 weeks!

Agreed with CMG.  Sometimes, the feelings do kind of just pop up out of nowhere - I've experienced that myself.  My fiance says that I seem to have cycles.  I get nervous/clingy/insecure immediately after parting ways, then I cheer up for a little bit, then I get afraid again usually halfway between our apart times, then I cheer up, and then I get nervous again right before a visit.  Even when we're together at first, I'll have an "attack" as we call them (what if he doesn't like me anymore, now that he's seen me after x months!).  And even though I know rationally and logically that everything is okay, I still can't help but feel these feelings, and most of the time, they're like roller coasters - high one day, then low another.

When it happens to me, my fiance has me talk it out and put everything in words.  And when he hears it, he can diffuse my feelings by talking to me and going through my fears one by one and talking me through them and essentially, debunking them. 

If you can, try to talk to your fiance about them.  Who knows - he might be feeling the same exact way!  My fiance sometimes also has scared insecure moments, but he tries to be strong about them.  I've found that I also feel better if he talks about them to me when he feels ready.  I feel more "normal" knowing that he feels that way on occasion too (it's not just me!), and I think it strengthens our relationship knowing that we do worry about the other when we're apart - even if the worries are silly in hindsight.  It shows we both still care.

It's only 7 days; I bet when you're together again, you'll feel right at home again!  Good luck!


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Re: Crazy feelings before visiting my fiance in 7 days!
« Reply #6 on: April 16, 2010, 04:16:12 AM »
My boy is currently traveling around the states, and unfortunately because of school and my show I've been unable to accompany him on his travels.  I'm applying to Grad school near to him (cross your fingers) so we're looking at the next step, but god this whole process is daunting.  I agree with the vast range of emotions, this whole LDR thing is a total roller coaster.  Also, I'm completely on board as far as the fears about meeting up go.  When we saw each other last month, and ultimately decided to give things a go, we hadn't seen each other in 18 months.  I was scared to death he'd have remembered me differently or think I wasn't as cute or funny as he had done.  It was all wonderful of course, and I'm certain you'll have a fabulous time with your fiance.  Try and relax until then.  ;)
"It’s life. You don’t figure it out. You just climb up on the beast and ride." - Rebecca Wells


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