An Almost Ex-pat

I'm here because I'd love to be amongst like-minded people rather than hearing that I ought to give up my dream! 

I'm an American who'd move to the UK tomorrow, but it'd mean leaving my two kids behind (I share custody with their father).  My lifelong Anglophilia makes wanting to move there natural, but I also was engaged to a Brit, who was to move here, but decided to stay "home" last minute.  I'd absorbed as much as I could of the culture so that I could understand my fiance's home country, and fallen in love with the country more than the bloke!

But I'd never actually been to the UK until this past summer.  Everyone told me I'd hate it:  lousy food, rude people, you know, all the usual stereotypes.  I didn't hate it.  It felt like home, and I cried in Gatwick airport because I didn't want to leave, but I had to come back to my kids.

So.... the instant I can move, I will, but until then I'm here.    I make the best of it by hanging out with fellow Anglophiles and visiting Brits, including some musicians I know who've just hit it big in the UK.  It helps

Any advice for those facing delays in moving would be helpful; also anyone in my situation (children involved) would be nice.

Thanks!

Hi an welcome to UKY snowbunny.  I wish I had some great advice to give, but short of working out some custody agreement and marrying that BF and coming over here I do not know what to say.

The UK is a great place and some people just fall in love with it as you did.  Feel free to post some visa/child or whatever specific questions on the various sections of the website!

Hi Snowbunny

Hope you can realise your dream one day - how old are your kids? Maybe you can bring them over for a holiday sometime. Good luck with everything

Liz

Snowbunny,

It's very easy to fall in love with a country and culture if it's on a vacation-like level. As most of the Americans here would no doubt tell you, the first six months here was similar to being on a lengthy vacation. But ultimately, every country has its day-to-day details, and Anglophile though you may be, it's no different here. (I'll give you a few examples: I can do an English accent that next to no Brit would know wasn't authentic; all my favorite bands are/were British; I can quote Monty Python and Michael Caine verbatim; etc.) Loving all things English doesn't equate to loving living here. I wish you the best of luck, but you should be aware that Brits (unless they happen to be your husband or wife) don't tend to have a lot of respect for Americans. And whatever your job may be in the States, expect a hard time finding one here, and expect two-thirds to a half of the salary you'd make there, in a place twice as expensive. I'll automatically be attacked for being negative here, but I speak the truth. I live in Brighton/Hove, which is expensive enough. My husband has been to my parents' house (and they've downgraded, sizewise) in the states--one story, with a basement, but a lot of room on both floors, and said it would easily cost three-quarters to a million pounds in England (simply because of space). My parents' paid a tenth of that. Don't move here without a compelling reason, or a trust fund.

Suzanne

Hi Suzanne and all,

I'm fairly well aware of the constraints in living in the UK.  I've done salary shopping, job availability searches, and so on.  I live in a house that would cost four times as much if it were simply shipped to California   Because I was previously engaged to an Englishman, I did a lot of research on the difference between the two countries.

When I was in England in August of this year, it was HOT.  That's not the norm, but there was no escaping it either due to the lack of air conditioning.  But I grew up in a 900 sq ft house without air conditioning, with parents who were and are of very limited means.  On my stay in the UK, I stayed in council housing near London, which was about what I expected.  I also stayed at friends' houses across England, and saw big disparities between regions.

I've had money, but I found out that you can't buy your way to happiness.  I was in an abusive marriage where I had all the money I wanted .... so long as I didn't put a toe out of line.  I'll take happiness over money any day, so long as I have the bare necessities, and that's pretty minimal for me.

The children are the hardest part.  I made my commitment to stay here with them until they are both 18, barring some really unforeseen circumstances.  I was offered money to leave and give up sole custody to my ex.  Instead I stayed and fought.

I do appreciate your honesty, because I know that there are Americans who think that the UK is Harry Potter-land or Beatrix Potter-land or .... my mother would never get past the 4% regular church attendance rate or what I perceive to be the higher acceptance on the street of cussin' and casual shags.  That isn't to say that there aren't places she would love, but as you say, only on holiday.

On the flip side, snowbunny, you could move here (legally and when the time is right, of course!    ) and really love living here.  You could never actually personally encounter any anti-American sentiment and - even more surprising! - like the food!

I've been happier here than I ever was in the US.  No reason why it couldn't be that way for you, too.

Dose of reality aside, there are plenty of us that adapt fine and while I only speak from 5 months of living here I do speak from years of expat experience.  A lot of it will depend on you.  True life can hand you some interesting challanges, but there is no reason you can't make it work.  Now I am off to find Harry Potter.

Hi again Snowbunny - well it sounds like you have the right attitude to make a success of moving over here and a good grasp of the pros and cons ... I really hope you can find a way, even if you have to wait until your children are older. In the meantime I hope visiting UKYankee can satisfy some of your craving for all things British.

All the best,
Liz

Hi again Snowbunny - well it sounds like you have the right attitude to make a success of moving over here and a good grasp of the pros and cons ... I really hope you can find a way, even if you have to wait until your children are older. In the meantime I hope visiting UKYankee can satisfy some of your craving for all things British.

All the best,
Liz

Yep--it's all an attitude thing.  I went into it telling myself it would not be like America, that I was in a different land and that I needed to re-learn everything.  I was not disapointed!  Of course, there are a lot of common "things" but because I went into it all knowing it would be an adventure, it was a lot easier for me.

Alternatively, I know a gal who moved over thinking it would be just like the USA.  She got there, got frustrated and was back in the states never to return within 6 months.

But, yes, as Liz said, you have the right attitude.  When you get there, I am sure you will make it work.

Good luck, and keep us posted on how things work...

Hi, Snowbunny.  Nah, don't marry the Brit BF. There are better fish in the sea.... You'll realize your dream eventually. You're like me - sometimes people just feel a kinship with a culture. It'll work out.

Snowbunny, how old are your children? Just curious as to how long a wait you have before they're "legal"...