Boys' vs. Girls' Activities

I hate the girl/boy discrepancies.  Some of it actually comes from the kids but so much of it is pressed upon them.  It does seem to me sometimes like society is determined to turn little girls into twits.

I remember my in-laws (in the UK) used to send these wonderful kids' magazines to my son in the US - history, animals, geography, nature.  He loved them and when my daughter came along she did too.  When my daughter got to be about four years old my in-laws started sending her "girl magazines".  They were pink and at first were all about ponies and fairies, so not so educational but at least fun.  Then these rapidly changed into magazines about boyfriends, shopping and dating.  She was five!  My in-laws hadn't realized because apparently the magazine was targeted at that age group.  It had a "learning to read" story in which the girls are planning a party and they said something like "Well let's go shop for our outfits!  We all know that's the real reason we're having the party!"  My daughter had never planned a party, didn't like shopping, and had no interest in boys.  I threw the magazine in the trash.

My daughter naturally loves dresses, hair "pretties" and baby dolls but she wears sweatshirts and sneakers too, and happily climbs trees, reads Harry Potter, and plays MarioKart with her brother.  She really wanted a white bicycle.  That didn't seem like such a big order, but when we went to look at bikes every single girls' bike was pink or lavender and all the boys' bikes were blue or black with accompanying decorations:  flames and skull&crossbones for boys, flowers and sparkles for girls.  My girl didn't want pink, flowers, or sparkles but she didn't want the stupid boy decorations either.  My husband was determined to find one she would like.  In the end we found her an expensive white girl's bike with one purple stripe down the middle but only after several days of looking.  I'm ashamed to admit that the white and fuchsia full-face helmet we bought her said "vamp" on the side.  I tried to peel the stickers off but my daughter stopped me saying "Vamp is short for vampire Mom, and I love vampires!"  She's ten years old.  She's not a vamp.  Those stickers have to go.

"Vamp is short for vampire Mom, and I love vampires!"

I love it!  Your daughter is too cool.  Good for you for getting rid of shopping / dating nonsense at her age!  (I wasn't interested in that til I was nearly out of high school--and even then, just barely.)

Uggh -when you gender stereotype activities-at a young age,  it then influences a person's career choices later in life...
So many women don't think they can do math, science, and engineering and likewise so many men think they can't be nursery school teachers, nurses, school lunch chefs, etc...  

I'm proud to be a woman engineer!  

I went to church with a friend back in the US and the Bible study classes where broken up into men and women.  The female classes taught the women how to cook and clean and the male classes played sports (usually basketball).  I wouldn't have minded the whole situation if it was broken up into gender specific Bible studies (roles and responsibilities of a husband/wife, mother/father, etc.).  I found it to be rather strange but apparently some people agree with this type segregate for religious reasons (this particular denomination generally happens to be ultra traditional).  Not sure how that would carry over to a community activity sponsored by a gym though.

I've noticed (perhaps coincidentally) that most of the comments are from women or people with female children stating that they enjoy "boy" activities, which seems to be generally accepted by society (i.e. girls playing superheroes or being involved in sports, etc.) but what if it was reversed?  If you had a boy who wanted to be a princess (wear a tiara and put on makeup - or do any other "girl" activity) would that be ok?

Being pregnant with a boy (after having a girl) has made me more contentious of this society-imposed double-standard.  Girls can do anything but boys can only do boy things.  Why do you think that is?  A woman can be a racecar driver and get greasy working on her own car and still be considered super sexy...but let a male be a hairdresser and he's automatically gay.

I've noticed (perhaps coincidentally) that most of the comments are from women or people with female children stating that they enjoy "boy" activities, which seems to be generally accepted by society (i.e. girls playing superheroes or being involved in sports, etc.) but what if it was reversed?  If you had a boy who wanted to be a princess (wear a tiara and put on makeup - or do any other "girl" activity) would that be ok?

Being pregnant with a boy (after having a girl) has made me more contentious of this society-imposed double-standard.  Girls can do anything but boys can only do boy things.  Why do you think that is?  A woman can be a racecar driver and get greasy working on her own car and still be considered super sexy...but let a male be a hairdresser and he's automatically gay.

Not all girls want to be princesses and sometimes the boys want to be!   

likewise so many men think they can't be nursery school teachers, nurses, school lunch chefs, etc...   

I think its very acceptable- but I know I am not society's norm!  I think we should all do what we want in life.  Some of the best nurses I have ever met have been men and some of the best nursery school teachers as well. I think its appalling to have these gender separations.  I used to volunteer with inner city kids in Miami that tried to teach about life's lessons in a fun and constructive way, and one of my favourite lessons was about sterotyping and gender bias.  It really got the kids thinking too.   

How times have changed.  When I was a little girl, I was teased because I was horrible at sports, but I was expected to play with the other girls and boys. I would have loved to have been able to say "I can't play because my dress might get dirty."

When I was growing up, it was considered natural for little girls to be rough and athletic. They weren't expected to "settle down and be more feminine" until just before puberty, when they started to develop boobs, and so forth.

In fact, up until around the age of 9 or 10, girls were often stronger and tougher than boys and  sometimes even physically bullied the boys. This didn't change until puberty hit and the boys did become stronger.

In the world today, this year York had a program for International Woman's Week. I expected to see things like workshops for women entrepeneurs, courses on finance for widows and divorcees, discussions about pay discrepancies between men and women, information about breast cancer and cervical cancer, etc.

They had one discussion on Equal Rights legislation, and the rest was all yoga and crafts workshops. Because all that matters is that I have a tight ass and know how to sew.

ETA: I think this applies to boys, too. Boys should be able to be creative and dress up as well.   I had a problem with the gym thing because it excluded boys, as well as girls, from things that they might like to do. A boy should be able to polish his nails if he wants to.

I used to do drama in high school, and the boys (some of whom were tough, football player types) used to love it when they had the opportunity to wear stage makeup.

 Teaching a boy to repress his creative side is just as bad as teaching a girl that she is weak and powerless.

DH has an art degree, BTW.

I was extremely lucky growing up  - my parents wanted to make sure all of us had the opportunities to do the same things, and as such, anything that I couldn't do because I was a girl, my brothers (and I've got 4) couldn't do either.  They didn't want to raise us with that sort of mindframe that there should be a division (especially as kids, who cares, why shouldn't they all play together?)  So, any after school sports/activities/clubs, etc, had to be co-ed.    And I remember when our local parish called my father to see if any of the boys wanted to be alter boys and my father asked if I would be allowed to do so as well, and they said no, so he said that his sons would be unable to participate until I was allowed as well.  (twenty years later, there are alter girls now in our old Church).

I still find the inequality in the professional world extremely frustrating.  Women still get paid less for the same jobs.  My former company was a global asset manager, and while there were a surprising amount of women working there (I've always found finance to be a boys club), when it cames to women's networking/resources - anything to help us out professionally - nothing.  Maybe an event a year?   

I'd like to get something going here, at my company - but I  haven't been met with a lot of enthusiasm anytime I've mentioned it.

Being pregnant with a boy (after having a girl) has made me more contentious of this society-imposed double-standard.  Girls can do anything but boys can only do boy things.  Why do you think that is?  A woman can be a racecar driver and get greasy working on her own car and still be considered super sexy...but let a male be a hairdresser and he's automatically gay.

This is true too.  Phatbeetle expressed how I feel about this better than I do in my rambling anecdotal way but here goes.

I have a son and I'm aware of how (especially when he got to secondary school) unnecessarily gender divided the activities can be.  I've tried my best to introduce my son to a variety of activities and to point out stereotypes and the people we know who contradict those stereotypes.  For instance, as a kindergartner he came home saying tea parties were for girls until I pointed out that his dad drinks tea!

When I taught preschool we used to have a beauty&barber shop set up in the corner of the classroom for a month every spring.  I can promise you that the boys gave as many (pretend) haircuts and had as many (real) manicures as the girls did.  It was only the response of the parents that differed; parents of girls tended to think it was really cute while some parents of boys were outraged when their sons came home with pink fingernails.

I was told during my teacher training that girls will read and enjoy books with a male main character but that boys won't read books from a female character's perspective.  I thought "If they don't pick those books themselves that's all the more reason to read that kind of book aloud to the whole group."  I applied that policy when I had a son of my own and he now happily reads books with girls in the main role.  I continue to read aloud with my children and we read one book all together even though there's a three year age difference as well the gender difference between them.  We try to pick books they'll both like or else alternate between books one or the other will like.  They're both big readers and always have the choice to read their own book instead of listening to the one I'm reading.  They both choose to listen.  That's why my son who's 13 and who would probably never have picked the Little House books has heard them all.  Guess what?  He loved them. 

I remember a girl that I worked with a few years ago said she wasn't going to buy her son what he wanted for his birthday because it was too "girly".  He wanted a little kitchen set so he could pretend to cook.  I pointed out to her that most of the world famous chefs are men.  The funny thing was that she had a girl the next year and said she couldn't wait until she got older so she could dress her in camouflage and her daddy could take her hunting with him.

I've seen the other end of the spectrum too.  I've seen parents try so hard to prevent gender specific activities that they supress their children from doing those activities (i.e. a parent who won't allow their little girls to dress up as princess because it's too girly and she should be playing sports instead).  That's just as bad.  All children should be exposed to everything and let them decide for themselves.  So what if your little girl decides she doesn't want to be an astronaut and she'd rather be a ballerina?  So what if your little boy decides the same?

I think there is a lot of stress put on the "fact" that girls and boys are so much different when they are so young.  Even during the gym requirements in primary school, the boys' standard was a lot higher than the girls' because "boys are stronger and faster", etc.  No matter how hard you try to back this up with scientific "fact", I just can't accept that there is that much difference in strength, coordination, speed etc. amongst 7-year-olds.

It's really hard (as a parent) to go against everything our kids are being "taught" and make them see that it really is ok to just be who you are.

I've noticed (perhaps coincidentally) that most of the comments are from women or people with female children stating that they enjoy "boy" activities, which seems to be generally accepted by society (i.e. girls playing superheroes or being involved in sports, etc.) but what if it was reversed?  If you had a boy who wanted to be a princess (wear a tiara and put on makeup - or do any other "girl" activity) would that be ok?

Being pregnant with a boy (after having a girl) has made me more contentious of this society-imposed double-standard.  Girls can do anything but boys can only do boy things.  Why do you think that is?  A woman can be a racecar driver and get greasy working on her own car and still be considered super sexy...but let a male be a hairdresser and he's automatically gay.

I have a son and I tell him often that boys can do anything girls can do.  He's playing T-ball right now, but last year he was on a cheerleading team.  The only reason we had to stop cheerleading is that I couldn't afford to higher level competitive teams.  I hope I can continue to raise him this way with out society telling him he's wrong.  Right now he'd be just as happy wearing a baseball helmet as a tiera. BTW he's 6 now.

that the parents could have free time to enjoy the barbecue for themselves.

There were separate events for the boys and for the girls.

The boys' event was "Superhero for a Day".

The girls' event was "Princess for a Day".

Our local (private) prep school had a huge poster outside advertising holiday activities in much the same way.  Like you, I didn't think they'd take any notice of complaing as I have no connection with the school - joining the pinkstinks website seems to be the only way forward.

I hate this gender stereotyping- I was a very tomboyish little girl. I have three (grown up)sons, all with quite different interests and personalities and the youngest especially would have loathed any kind of superhero activity (he liked reading, cooking, art work and was actually much more comfortable with girls than boys as a child). 

Of course a lot of the gender specific stuff in the shops (toys, clothes) is driven by commercial interests; when my boys were small you could buy a pair of blue dungarees and pass them on to another child of either sex, now it seems virtually impossible to buy 'neutral' childrens' clothes.

Of course a lot of the gender specific stuff in the shops (toys, clothes) is driven by commercial interests; when my boys were small you could buy a pair of blue dungarees and pass them on to another child of either sex, now it seems virtually impossible to buy 'neutral' childrens' clothes.

Yes, I agree.

I think the Little House books are great for boys (and girls) because she explains so much.  Want to know how they made bullets, roasted a pig, built a house?  It is all in there, with details. 

As the mother of a daughter who moved from Chicago to Sheffield when she was 3 1/2, the pink/ genderization/ gender roles of toys is a hot topic in our house.  As an upper-middle class liberal urban university family in Chicago none of our peers allowed "girly" play and the schools did not allow any princess etc.   When we moved to Sheffield it was hard because they have Barbies at school and clearly genderize play.   Despite looking at many nurseries we found this to be very universal and not questioned here.  For example:  at her schools girls are offered to take ballet and boys lawn tennis but when we asked she was not allowed to take lawn tennis lessons.  When I have brought it up to other mothers they do not see it in the same way.   

We find Sheffield far more divided my gender even in the adult world - we work to make sure our daughter fits in here but also to make sure she know how we feel and why.   

How long has this been going on in the UK? I sometimes feel that this is part of the reason that I find it so much easier to socialise with men here than with women.

In America, I spent all of my life, since I was a little girl, socialising in mixed male-female groups, doing both stereotypical boy things and stereotypical girl things.

In the UK, I still find it pretty easy to comfortably have a conversation with a man.  But sometimes when I talk to a woman, I feel like we are coming from two completely different worlds, like there is no connection at all.  I wonder if it has to do with how we were raised, as if we really did grow up in two different worlds.