It's just too much. :(

First, let me say that I consider myself to be one tough girl. I've been through enough to believe I can get through anything. At 14, I had massive scoliosis surgery and was bedridden for six months and had to learn how to walk all over again. By 30, I had exercised my way to losing 108 pounds after living a sedentary life. I completed my student teaching with a class full of middle school students when I was 8 months pregnant with my daughter. I know that I have loads of determination and perseverence. When I get knocked down, I get up, that's me.

Until this. I never chose to fall in love with a Brit. If I had known it was going to be this hard, I might have done things differently. Don't get me wrong, I have ZERO regrets about him. My fiance is, hands down, my soulmate. And I used to not even believe in that word. Being apart from the last 1.5 years was hard enough. Now we are faced with the giant vortex that is fees being sucked out of his pocket. I have fallen on financial hard times, not being able to get a better paying job, and not getting enough hours at the one I do have. So I watch his savings dwindle, and there is no sign of the fees decreasing...in fact, the opposite.

I mean, there are some thoughts that the FLR (M) I will apply for after we are married may be twice or triple the cost it is now. Meanwhile we've got the damn volcano, looming strikes with British Airways, wedding costs (even for a cheap registry wedding!), not to mention "probationary citizenship" which no one has yet to clearly define. And when I get there, I will be super depend on him as I try to relearn everything.

And my God, do I feel guilt. I feel like I am making his life harder, not better. By the time we are done with visas, wedding costs, he could have had been halfway to a decent downpayment on a house. Of course, he is ever supportive and patient as I stress, cry, and vent. But God even he can't take away this guilt I feel. Why do they have to make it so hard for two people who love each other more than anything to be together?

I know this might sound like a silly question, but why not get married in the states and save yourself the extra visa fees? Then you could work as soon as you got over here. I'm sure you probably thought of that already and have some good reasons for doing the fiancee visa instead. I know how financially draining it can be, but it really is worth it in the end. My hubs made me feel better about the ILR visa fee by saying it would be worth every penny he had and more to keep me here with him. All that matters is being together, when you feel that way about each other, and what would be the point in him buying a house without you there to live in it with him? Try not to feel guilty. If he didn't think it was worth it, then he wouldn't be spending that money to make your life together. It's only money, in the end. Happiness is far more important and isn't necessarily dependent on money (I mean, it can be if you are poverty stricken, but as long as you can support yourselves and be together, then that's all that matters!) And it's great that you are such a strong person who has been through a lot, because that will really help you settle in and find a job and start your life with him when you get here. You will need every ounce of that determination to make it all happen. Good luck!

I know it sucks and it is so hard to hear 'well that's the nature of international relationships' but unfortunately it is.  I am like you and I just put my head down and push through things even when it seems impossible.  You can do it and he thinks you are worth it (I hope anyway  ).  And believe me when I say it is so hard even to recognise your own achievement at pushing through to the end of immigration.  I look at some of my friends who were born in England and they have their careers together and am stuck struggling sometimes to get my degree recognised.  It's hard to be happy for them, but then I remember I was born half way around the world, and I live in a different country on a different continent now.  I have learned so much more than if I'd have only stayed where I was born.  I have grown loads and have such a different perspective on my life now.  It's amazing and it's all because of my dh, which makes me love him even more. 

It's hard, but you can do it.  Many others will be doing it with you too so hopefully you can draw strength from them too!