Physical/Medical frustration!!!

So I need a medical. Well 2 actually.... one for my life insurance (being all grown-up now) and one for my new job. I'm stressing out!! What do they ask? What will they look for??
 
I'm in pretty ok shape (round IS a shape), but I'm way heavy, hence joining the gym to firm up. Will this count? Like to show I am making an effort to get healthy? Dr's office said depending on how much info is needed, they may take 50-60mins!!     That seems MIGHTY long for a physical. What will they do for that long? 

What/how could you fail? Is that even possible? I don't mind the life insurance one, but if I don't pass the work medical, I don't have a job!!!

Me thinks I need to get on the cabbage soup!!
~LilacMoon~

What will they do for that long?  

Well -- First they make you take off ALL your clothes and then you have to wear one of those humiliating LITTLE paper gowns.  Immediately you notice --- "Hey! I'm the only one in a waiting room FULL of people wearing a LITTLE paper gown!"  Now you're thinking -- WHY didn't I wear a coat today!!!? (and yeah -- normally people change in the privacy of the LITTLE ROOM -- not right there in the waiting room where EVERYBODY can SEE!) 

When your name is called -- you delicately get up from your freezing cold vinyl chair and you're escorted to the EXAMINING ROOM   This is getting SERIOUS now!  The first thing you'll notice is the metal tray FULL of PROBING instruments and your chart on the table by the window (which happens to be cracked open just enough to let in a bone chilling breeze!)  The DOCTOR walks in and you look at him/her and think -- OMG! He/She looks YOUNGER than I do! (yes -- I'm talkin' YOU LilacMoon!!!)  The first thought that runs across your mind faster than the Kentucky Derby winner is -- "HOW is the Sam Hell can someone SO YOUNG know WHAT in the HELL they are DOING?! -- and --- did their Mother dress this person before they left the house?!"

The Doctor Confirms your birthdate (remembering to say the DAY first then MONTH and then the YEAR)

Next the doctor pulls out 6 plastic cups with LIDS and then you suddenly remember --- oh no -- you've had NOTHING to drink for the last 8 HOURS.  Your teeth are chattering out of sheer nervousness -- and by now - due to severe anxiety -- you are pretty sure your heart is going to beat right out of your chest like the ALIEN (the first one - not the sequel).

About this time -- your leg starts to twitch uncontrollably.  This slight action EMBARRASSES the holy buh-jeezus outta you and you just cannot STOP it!  The Doctor notices and writes it down on your chart.

The Doctor then decides it's time to play 21 questions.  yeah 21!  by the time you reach question 13 - you get the giggles --and you can't stop them either -- so there you are with your leg twitching and you're giggling.  Doctor stops the questions to make some MORE detailed notes in your chart.  You roll your eyes  (both of them) and the doctor CATCHES this --- and WRITES it down in your chart.



So ..... What did you say is for lunch?  Cabbage Soup? mmmmmm