Best way for our families to connect?

Does anyone have suggestions/experiences on how to introduce you & your SO's families? 

My bf and I are getting married in Wisconsin, in November, and as we were making plans, we never gave this much thought.  I assumed that, if his mother decided to come (which she's been very evasive and ambivalent about), that she'd meet everyone then.  We'd have a small dinner with her and my parents, and then she'd meet other people at wedding. 

Apparently, though, she's very upset that, since the engagement (which was only 'officially' announced last week), no one in my family has contacted her.  Neither I nor my fiance are sure what she expected.  As I pointed out to him, it's not as though my mom can phone her and invite her out to lunch or something. 

Has anyone else run into this?  Did you organize a phone call or something?  Neither my parents nor my FMIL are very comfortable with tech, so I can't see them on a video chat, even if we could orchestrate it. 

If anyone has any suggestions, I'd appreciate them.  At this point, we've basically decided to cancel the big wedding and just elope, which will probably just make her more upset.  So, I'm trying to find something to placate her a bit.

Thanks!

I don't know if this will placate your future MIL, or just make her angry, but according to this site, first contact between the families is the responsibility of the mother of the groom! 

The first rule of etiquette to be followed upon receiving news of the impending nuptials  is to initiate contact between the families.  Introducing herself and her husband to the bride's parents is her first responsibility.  This may be as simple as making a call to the bride's mother and telling her how happy she is about the engagement or an informal invitation to dinner at their home.  If preferred, dinner at a nice restaurant is always in order.  This may be with or without the couple in attendance.

Now how reliable that advice is, I don't know, as proper etiquette might vary from country to country.  In that case, if it is US custom for the Groom's family to initiate contact then perhaps your DF can explain to his mum and then have your mother either call or send a nice handwritten note.  As noted by this site, the responsibilities for the Mother of the Bride include:

In the event that the Mother of the Groom does not contact you, you will make the first contact.

Hope that helps...and you can always do some further googling of wedding etiquette to support your case!

Good Luck!  And best wishes!

I can't remember exactly, but my parents are very outgoing and were very keen to make a connection with my husbands parents as soon as it seemed like a serious relationship, so they probably spoke after we were in an LDR for about a year, we got engaged after about 18 months of travelling between NYC, London & Manchester (best time of my life!!I loved it) and my parents threw a big engagement party. My family had already met the boyfriend many times because he always came over for big family occasions and the Jewish holidays. Anyway, I think that they spoke on the phone one time when the boy came to LI to visit us and he rang them.

My in laws came over pretty soon after and my parents threw us a big engagement party. We had a great time in NYC and they get along great, they have nothing in common, but they always find something to chat about, music, growing up in the 50's and 60's...I say just get them on the phone, or just try skyping so you can show them how it works maybe.

I agree, its not great form that they haven't congratulated each other on the impending marriage, I can see how each party might be upset. I say just bit the bullet and do it, you be the one who pushes it and everyone will win!

GOod luck!!

I'm not even sure my parents and in-laws have spoken and we have been married for three and half years. 

I don't have a problem with it.  I married my husband and unless we have kids I don't see why my in-laws would ever really need to interact. 

I mean, I love my in-laws and I love my parents, but just because they managed to produce my husband and I doesn't mean they will particularly get along. 

It would be different if we all lived in the same country, but we don't so.....

I'm sorry this is stressing you out, I hope you can find some answers. 

My parents have never spoken with my in-laws, either.  They both ask about each other to see how they are doing, but the only reason I can see them ever speaking to each other or potentially meeting is if we had a child together and both sets of parents wanted to come visit soon after the birth.  I guess I can see how it would be different if a big wedding is planned, as you wouldn't want the first contact to be during the ceremony, but I personally never really saw the point just for an engagement/elopement.   

Not to be rude, but I don't see how this is your or your mother's problem! If your future MIL wants to talk to your mom, then can't she pick up a phone and call? I can't imagine cancelling my wedding and eloping because the MIL was miffed about a perceived slight on your/your mother's part when really it's her own problem! 

Well, that's just it.  It never really occurred to me that she'd care, either.  She's barely ever asked me about my family, etc.  My mom sent a memorial card when my fiance's father died last year, and my FMIL sent a thank-you note back.  They're both on Facebook.  I figured that if either of them wanted to contact the other, they would.  And as far as my father goes, he has trouble holding a phone conversation longer than 5 minutes with me; I couldn't picture him phoning a complete stranger and trying to make small-talk.

As far as the decision to elope, there was more to it.  Largely it's balking at the expense, especially now that no one knows what's going on with regards to fee hikes and immigration caps and all that.  But partly it was that the lack-of-contact thing is really only the start of the 'miffed' (which is putting it mildly).  It was just becoming waaaay too much drama, complete with tears, recrimination and paranoia, and is really making my fiance miserable, since he has to deal with it on a regular basis.  I can't stand seeing him so upset, and we both just want to get it over with.

Of course, since nothing is that simple, while this whole melt-down was happening, my father took it upon himself to book the reception hall last night.  Ever seen 'Grumpy Old Men'?  Think 'Slippery's Tavern.'  So, now we'll have to really make up our minds.

Oh, how I wish we were simply living in sin somewhere. :p  I don't even care what my grandma would think!

Our families met in the same way you had expected--a nice lunch before the wedding when they came out to the States for it.  It was very nice and all did well.  I think they may have exchanged a small email or two before that though--so maybe you can just give them each other's email addys and drop a hint to mom and dad that just saying "hi, we wanted to introduce ourselves" might help.

Since then there have been a few emails exchanged here and there, and during one of my dad's visits they went down and spent a weekend at their place.  I really don't think they'd have done that ordinarily, but my in-laws live in a beautiful village in the French Riviera.  They encouraged them to come out and see a part of the world that was new to them, so they took them up on it.  They rarely have contact though.

I've emailed my mother and asked her to add his mom on Facebook, and send her a message that way.  

I'm sure she'll get around to it some time.

To be honest, I'm not sure why his mother wouldn't have just done that in the first place, if she'd wanted to talk to my family.  I know she's looked at my mother's page.   But whatever.

Thanks to everyone for your suggestions!

Sounds like a plan to me.  Try not to let them get to you.