New to the long-distance thing.

So I am very new to the whole long-distance relationship thing. Bf and I reconnected in June 2009 via FB. We knew of each other 20 years ago, never dated. Starting in January our relationship started to build via skype and texts and e-mails and by my visit in May of this year, our feelings were very mutual and strong. Visit went well. Since then there has been all sorts of talk about me moving to the UK, him moving here, marriage. This coming Wednesday (the 14th) he will be coming to visit for a week and we are having "the talk." Talking about our futures, money, the relationship, everything.

We have not really talked about any of this because it's very important to him that we be face to face.

We've both said we are very committed to making this work.

Don't have a lot of things planned during the visit, mostly just hanging out together.

But the stress of "not talking" about things has my anxiety in over drive. I am going nuts, being really emotional and clingy. Probably driving him nuts as well. Any suggestions on how to get myself dialed down emotionally so when he does step off the plane I don't become a complete nut job?

~M

Chances are, when you see him at the airport you'll be more excited to see him than concerned about other things. (At least I'd hope!) But don't feel the need to put off talking to him until a later day. If it's really bothering you waiting to talk about those things, then let him know. And remember that he wants it to work, too. Most guys don't do transatlantic flights to visit people for no reason. 

I agree with elle.davis.  Wednesday isn't that far away so try to stay preoccupied until then (cleaning the house, grocery shopping, whatever keeps you distracted).  You'll probably have a lot of catching up to do when he gets here but set aside a specific time to have "the talk".  You can even plan this ahead of time if you want to...plan to make him a nice home-cooked meal and have a night at home with no distractions.  Good luck and keep us updated!

Just want to say i agree with ellie.davis and patiently waiting.  I'm an obsessor naturally and so those conversations were always on my mind before my DH came over, but for me, picking him up at the airport made them seem far less important.

Enjoy your visit!

I'd say to just try to relax and go with the flow. You may have known each other for twenty years, but in the grand scheme of things, you haven't been seeing each other very long. Just wait until he gets there and see if "the talk" happens naturally because being together is so natural. Maybe he just wants to see you again first to be sure of what he is feeling, which isn't a bad thing. Just focus on seeing him and how great that will be, rather than carrying so much anxiety about what happens next. I know that can be hard, but try. 

  Thanks everyone. Just need that steady hand. I went to the gym yesterday morning after work (I work nights) and put in a really long work out. Seemed to help loosen up the tense muscles and worked off stress. Had a good conversation (about nothing) with the BF and am starting to relax some. I think once I get done with work tomorrow night (Sunday night) and have Monday and Tuesday to be at home to prep for the arrival I'll be able to relax more.

Will keep you posted! I appreciate having people to talk to about it!

~M

I totally understand the stress of "not talking" about things.  

My partner was the same way - he wanted to talk about the serious things only in a face to face chat, and while I understand the desire to do it that way, it still drove me crazy having to wait.  And as it would be months before we could see each other face to face, I finally told him that it's important to me to have these conversations, and it was really stressing me out not talking about it.  He understood how much it stressed me out - the feeling of not talking - and he agreed to have a phone conversation about things.  We did, and it really settled me down.  And he didn't think it was that bad either.  I think he still would have preferred face to face, but the conversation via phone wasn't as bad as he thought it was.  

As you only have to wait until Wed, that's not too long to wait and try to find things to keep yourself busy.  But, if it would be a longer amount of time before you could have the face to face chat with your partner, I would definitely recommend telling him how you feel - and if not talking is stressing you out, tell him that.

LDRs can be very difficult sometimes, but hang in there!  They are do-able!

EDIT:  Just noticed some horrendous grammar that needed fixin'

Yes, I think if I would have had to wait longer I would have insisted on the chat. I've already put out there that once we have "this chat" then there will be no more of the waiting until we are face to face thing. Skype will have to do.

I figured out why I was so worked up over not talking. It reminded me of my ex-husband who refused to talk about anything, even face to face! that feeling of being helpless to initiate a conversation or to work out an issue. Which is why we are divorced!

But I do appreciate the BF and his willingness to talk. If I have to wait I do know that he'll talk. It might be hard for him but he'll do it.
~m

So as an update, we had many days of good talk time. I had purchased a couple of books that we went through together. One is "Intellectual Foreplay" which had tons of questions we asked and answered. There was another one on long distance relationships. Will have to see if he left it here someplace or took it with. It was very helpful on giving us ideas on how to manage the LD relationship.

So now we have a plan. Will start the visa process at my visit in the end of Sept. He needs to read all the information I've sent him on it, try to figure out what we need to do with all that. The plan so far is for me to move there in March of 2011.

60 days until the next visit. But I think this time will go easier. We can "talk" now for one. We've also set up "set" times to skype and have established some rules, like if he needs to go off grid with his kids for a day or so he'll let me know so I am not left wondering what is going on over there.

M