How to tell parents and inlaws and when about pregnancy

How did or are going to tell both sets of parents that you are planning to get pregnant or are pregnant? Are you/have you told them when you are going to start trying to have a baby?

DH and I decided that we want to start trying next summer. Should we tell our parents of our plans? I know my family will have a hard time with it because they are in the USA and I am in England. My mother used to be a labor and delivery nurse and taught lamaze classes. I feel bad for my side of the family but living in the USA is not going to be an option for another 9 or 10 years and we are not waiting that long....

Any advice?

We didn't tell our parents that we were trying but we did tell them right away once we knew we were pregnant.  My mother is THRILLED, and the issue of me living in the UK has not been a big deal at all since she found out--and she certainly hasn't been positive or supportive of my move over here until now.  I think a lot changes once there is actually a baby on the way and what bothers your family now may not bother them when they are focused on the excitement of a grandchild on the way. 

We didn't tell my MIL until we hit 4 months gone (just after Christmas) and we didn't tell my parents in the US until we visited them about a month & a half later. I wanted to tell them in person and we had planned that trip before we found out so it just seemed to be the right thing to do for us.

We wanted to wait to tell everyone until we were fairly certian that the pregnancy would continue to term, not to get people excited and then have something awful happen.

My DH and I were just having this discussion last week.

We are thinking about trying late next year, but we are not going to tell our families until we are actually pregnant, just to avoid extra pressure, questions, etc. And so my family doesn't  spend time trying to convince us we need to get pregnant/have a baby in the States.

We didn't tell my MIL until we hit 4 months gone (just after Christmas) and we didn't tell my parents in the US until we visited them about a month & a half later. I wanted to tell them in person and we had planned that trip before we found out so it just seemed to be the right thing to do for us.

I think it would be great to tell them in person! (Except my mom would probably try to kidnap me to save her future grandchild from socialized medicine  )

And if/when we are pregnant, we are going to tell our parents after 3 months, for similar reasons to Weby J.

The hardest person to tell will be one of my oldest friends who is a doula and is finishing her qualifications to be a midwife. We always said she would be the one to birth my kids, and I think its going to break both our hearts that it would be a random person there instead of her.

We didn't tell our parents that we were trying but we did tell them right away once we knew we were pregnant.  My mother is THRILLED, and the issue of me living in the UK has not been a big deal at all since she found out--and she certainly hasn't been positive or supportive of my move over here until now.

Congrats lilybelle!

we told my sister that we were trying, mostly so she would keep all the clothes my mother had made. she also got told after we knew, but we didn't tell the rest of my family until after we'd had confirmation from the doctor's. I don't have in-laws, so that wasn't an issue.

If people ask, I tell them we're trying, but I didn't make a formal announcement or anything. For all I know it could take YEARS for this to happen, so no sense getting anyone's hopes up until we're finally pregnant.

I just told my parents we were pregnant when we were pregnant. Its too embarassing letting them know we planned to have sex a lot on certain dates to try for a baby. Best to let them know after the fact!

Both times we've told my parents (by phone or by Skype) and his parents (in person) within days of knowing I was pregnant, plus his sister.  All were sworn to secrecy until after my 12 week scan.

When I was pregnant with Jean I bought a pregnancy & childcare book.  Unknowingly my MIL bought me the same book.  So I sent it to my Mom so she could better understand how things are done here and have fun reading how big the baby is at such and such weeks gestation.  She loved it!

We told our parents a few weeks after we found out (we were around 7 weeks when we told them).  We wanted a few weeks just to enjoy having a little secret.

Our parents were sworn to secrecy until after the 12 weeks scan because we wanted to make sure everything was going along ok first.  We told our parents knowing that if something did happen, they would be there for emotional support. 

I also thought it was important to let my parents know as soon as possible so they could be prepared to come visit soon after baby arrived.

We're not planning on kids any time soon (if ever!), but if we do decide to start trying, I really can't see myself announcing that to my family.  I just find the notion kind of odd. 

Every time someone tells me they've 'started trying,' I can't help but instantly picture them...trying.  Which gets disturbing.  Especially when it's family.   You're basically saying 'Guess what!  We're going to start having lots of unprotected sex, according to a timetable!' 

I think I'd just wait until I was actually pregnant.  Especially since it's not likely to be that easy for us.  On top of everything else, I wouldn't want the pressure of people asking all the time if I'm pregnant yet, and then offering all their advice if I say no.

I wouldn't want the pressure of people asking all the time if I'm pregnant yet, and then offering all their advice if I say no.

Yeah that's why we didn't tell people we were trying.  Bad enough my Aunt asked if we were pregnant again yet when Jean was FIVE MONTHS old 

we waited  until we were  about  3 months pregnant. My mother is a horrible  worry  wart  and never  supported  me moving to the UK  so I fdidn't need the extra  badgering. We told them by phone. It never helped  that  she always  asked  me  'if anything was  'new'?"  all the time  with that  inuendo anyway.. In our case  we also knew C wouild be born with a  cleft lip  & palate and she swore me  to secrecy until the baby was   born.. giving me all these  scenarios  of why it was best to keep it secret  from everyone.. blah blah..  I don't think I would have  listened  to her  this  time around.. We told my in-laws also at the same time  and did tell them  about  her issues and wished I hadn't because  every discussion was about  THAT  like she was a science  experiment and why did this happen?  not in a  why us  way but why...scientifically ..what was in her gene  pool..etc.   I never felt like she was going to  be  a  baby around them... just something to  solve.  we lived with them  at the time  and  it was  hellish..

Every time someone tells me they've 'started trying,' I can't help but instantly picture them...trying.  Which gets disturbing.  Especially when it's family.  You're basically saying 'Guess what!  We're going to start having lots of unprotected sex, according to a timetable!'  

I think I'd just wait until I was actually pregnant.  

Absolutely. The idea of announcing your intentions just seems...uuugh. Not my style, I guess. When I was pregnant with my son, I waited until I was 12 weeks before telling *anyone*, including our parents. With us living far away (and having a big holiday to Italy planned when I was in the thick of morning sickness) I did not want my mother worrying about everything until we knew for sure it was a-o.k.  My mother's only complaint about us keeping the lid on our secret until 2nd trimester was that she didn't have nearly as much time to shop before hand.    

With both pregnancies our families found out the same day we did, in fact, during this one, DH and my dad were in the same room when I told DH that I was expecting.  It was really sweet actually, because my dad happened to be visiting from the States on Mother's Day.  Since we were trying, DH and I had a chat before he came about if we did get good news that month, if he wanted me to talk to him alone first or if he wanted my Dad to be able to know too with him, he chose the latter as we're both close to my dad.

So on Mothering Sunday, I took the test before anyone else woke up and got my positive.  Everyone else woke up a bit after that and came down bringing me a Mother's Day gift and cards.  I then turned around and said, "I know this isn't the norm, but I have a Mother's Day gift for you too," and gave DH a little box.  DH opened it, and looked; Dad asked what it was and DH calmly explained that it was a pregnancy test. 

For some strange reason, he thought for a minute that I had found the pregnancy test from our first daughter and given it to him as a reminder.  He was sitting there thinking what a strange thing that was for me to do, when suddenly we saw comprehension dawning on his face, and he held me and cried with joy on my shoulder.  It meant so much to me to share that moment, and I believe my father was so touched to be a part of our joy and see the love my husband has for us as a family first hand.  It was one of my favourite memories.

As for "trying," my family is much more family oriented, and they all knew, especially as my sister and I were both trying at the same time, but we never told DH's family that we were trying.  That just felt weird, so they found out when we were expecting.