To go or not to go...

This summer I had planned to visit my bf in the UK. I bought my plane ticket and booked a place to stay in March. His sister has been having health problems since last year. The doctors found she had fibroids in her uterus. Finally, last month the doctors were going to remove them, but then found she had a tumor on her heart. She will be having heart surgery this week and will be hospitalized for possibly months. I am suppose to leave July 18th and be there for 5 weeks. My bf is the only one that drives, so his parents depend on him to take them to the hospital to visit and are there from when visiting hours start till the end. Plus he works.That means we wont spend much time together. His family doesn't accept me either, so there's no way I can join them in the hospital. I don't want to cancel because if I do, I'm not sure when we'll see each other again. Most likely we'll have to wait until next summer. We haven't seen each other since last Sept. If I do go, I will be spending a lot of time alone, but at least I'll be there in person for support because he's really going thru a hard time, but at the same time I feel I will add more pressure on him. I told him to take care of his family and not worry about me, but I know he will. I'm so confused. Any advice? Thanks in advance

That's a really tough one! I'm sorry you're in such a position and I hope your bf's sister gets better. I have no idea what you should do but I remember one time when I visted DH, someone in his family passed away and DH told me he was really glad that I was there for him. It was quite stressful and there was a funeral and such. Also DH had to work and had other commitments he couldn't get out of but I didn't regret going and neither did he.

Personally I think you can do no harm if you're there and not putting much pressure on him. If it were me, I'd go because waiting until next summer is a long bloody time!

Thank you so much for your response. I'm still undecided as to what to do and I'm running out of time to make a decision. Her surgery is this Wednesday so I may be able to make a decision after that is over. You're right though, I should probably go and see him for a few hours a day than go another year without seeing each other.

Thank you so much for your response. I'm still undecided as to what to do and I'm running out of time to make a decision. Her surgery is this Wednesday so I may be able to make a decision after that is over. You're right though, I should probably go and see him for a few hours a day than go another year without seeing each other.

Let us know what you decide to do and good luck!

For what it's worth, I think you should go. I haven't seen my boyfriend since September of 2009, and it does cause me problems at times.

If nothing else, you'll be there to support him.

Personally I think I would go too, but only if I was sure I could be just be there for him, help him out- make some meals for him etc. I am sure you could help relieve stress- but you need to be prepared to be alone a lot and have ways to amuse yourself.

Thank you all so much for your responses. I have decided to go. His sister had surgery a week ago and is recovering well. She was out of the icu after 3 days. She has major pain, but that is obviously expected. Other than that she's fine. The doctors haven't said yet when she'll be released, but if everything keeps going well, i don't think she'll be in there by mid July, which is when I leave. A big problem would be his mother who thinks I'm seeking 'asylum' in the UK (yeah, that's how ignorant she is). She has threatened to disown him because of me . Any way, I hope we wont have much of an issue with her although I doubt it. 

Thank you all so much for your responses. I have decided to go. His sister had surgery a week ago and is recovering well. She was out of the icu after 3 days. She has major pain, but that is obviously expected. Other than that she's fine. The doctors haven't said yet when she'll be released, but if everything keeps going well, i don't think she'll be in there by mid July, which is when I leave. A big problem would be his mother who thinks I'm seeking 'asylum' in the UK (yeah, that's how ignorant she is). She has threatened to disown him because of me . Any way, I hope we wont have much of an issue with her although I doubt it. 

That's good news on the sister front!

I'm so sorry about the unsupportive mom! That's so awful. I would just ignore because logical reasoning doesn't really work well when it comes to ignorance. It just sucks when people aren't supportive. It's hard enough with support to be in a long distance relationship! Do you have to see her often? Or does your partner have his own place?

I don't have to see her, but unfortunately my bf had to move back home and hasn't been able to find full time work, so she feels very in control I guess. She has said she can't accept me because of my race and I'm only with him because I want a visa. It's very tough when I'm there because she makes threats to kick him out and disown him. I just find this all sad because she hasn't given me a chance and instead has turned his family against me, even his sister, who hasn't met me. If he had his own place, this wouldn't be an issue

Wow she's quite extreme. That's really sad and insecure of her. I hope your bf gets a job really quick! We've been there and it took a long time for us to get back on our feet (6 months) so I can greatly sympathise with you but thankfully we never had to live with either of our parents which would be so difficult for me.