What is the appropriate reaction?

I was just wondering what everyone thought would be the best reaction to being told by your mom that no one will come to your (my) wedding?

At the time I was defensive and replied that I didn't care if people came or not, which became in my mom's viewpoint that I didn't care if my family came or not.  She deems saying this as much worse than telling your child that no one will come to their wedding.

I've just been racking my brain to see if there is a 'correct' way to react to that statement and would love to hear some opinions.

Without any further background, I'd say your reaction wasn't worse than hers...just that, a reaction. Why did she tell you this exactly?

I think the initial reaction was fair.
I would have started to cry and said its my one day and I want my family there.

Sorry this is still bugging you!

appropriate varies....

the diplomatic reply would be I'm sorry you think that.

I got told off by my Aunt for scheduling ours to coincide with feb school vacation in ma - she said I should have had it in August.

Thanks everyone.

The background was me telling her that I wouldn't be getting married in Maryland.  She still makes digs about how far and inconvenient everything is for her.  However, she is making all of the favors, programs etc. 

Screw her.  Elope.


We ended up eloping to NYC June 1st, and I am SOOOOOOO happy we did.


Sometimes parents just get in the way.

Thanks everyone.

The background was me telling her that I wouldn't be getting married in Maryland.  She still makes digs about how far and inconvenient everything is for her.  However, she is making all of the favors, programs etc. 

I assume you're getting married in the UK? I think the appropriate reaction, though hard to do, is to take the high road....no matter how petty/heated the argument gets, try to remain apologetic and understanding, while continuing to do what you want. When it comes to your own wedding, you must do what you want to do within reason. When you start to bow to other people's needs and demands, you will resent parts of the wedding or even the whole.

We can never make everyone happy no matter how hard we try, and when it comes to something you're going to do once in your life, I don't think you're under any obligation to go out of your way to make others 100% happy.

Perhaps remind her that although she isn't getting what she wants (a wedding in MD), neither are you (as you would prefer your mother to be happy and comfortable with your wedding plans).

Screw her.  Elope.


We ended up eloping to NYC June 1st, and I am SOOOOOOO happy we did.


Sometimes parents just get in the way.

We're way to far along into planning and paying for it all to elope!  I do wish we had gone for the city hall thing though.   

I assume you're getting married in the UK?

Perhaps remind her that although she isn't getting what she wants (a wedding in MD), neither are you (as you would prefer your mother to be happy and comfortable with your wedding plans).

Getting married in North Jersey, a whole 3.5 hour drive from her. 

I love the second idea as well!

She just keeps behaving in such a hurtful way that I’m beginning to feel that I need to sit her down and have a talk with her.  I just wanted to sort of check that my response wasn’t the meanest thing I could have said.  

I like the response of ‘I’m sorry you feel that way.’ Much more diplomatic and mature than I actually am.  

Too late to change your response, and you shouldn't live with regret. You might have said something else, but you said what you felt at the time. It's too late to handle it differently. But, you could tell your mom that what you said really meant that you are sorry no one will be able to come, but you will still be happy regardless because it's your wedding day, so as long as your man is there, nothing else truly matters. Which is basically what I said when no one in my family came to mine. Your call! Just don't let thinking about that get you down. Your day will be special no matter what.

Thanks Jewlz.  My mom’s comment is not totally shaping up to be true, but still hurts a lot.  She’s also a big told you so type of person.  Pointing out that such and such would be better in MD.  We do have a handful of people who I thought would never come rsvp yes and book hotel rooms.  One woman hasn’t left the county she lives in in just about forever! 

One of my Uncles (who has a newly adopted child that I was the first person to buy a ticket to visit in FL) has decided that it’s ok if he doesn’t come.  It might not be right, but if he can’t be bothered to come to my wedding when I was the first (and only) one to visit him when he moved to Paris, moved to FL etc  but he could go to my sister’s wedding when she has zero contact with him then I’ll just be abandoning my flight to FL.  I’m no longer willing to go to the bother of keeping in touch with people who don’t want to keep in touch with me.  Of course, my mom also bought a ticket to visit at the same time thinking that she’d be less of a burden on my Uncle if I was there to take care of her.  My mom has MS.  Now she’s pissed at me.
Perhaps I’m  just in a really foul mood today and should just take my frustration on the rude people on the subway instead of on these boards. 

Thanks Jewlz.  My mom's comment is not totally shaping up to be true, but still hurts a lot.  She's also a big told you so type of person.  Pointing out that such and such would be better in MD.  We do have a handful of people who I thought would never come RSVP yes and book hotel rooms.  One woman hasn't left the county she lives in in just about forever! 

One of my Uncles (who has a newly adopted child that I was the first person to buy a ticket to visit in FL) has decided that it's OK if he doesn't come.  It might not be right, but if he can't be bothered to come to my wedding when I was the first (and only) one to visit him when he moved to Paris, moved to FL etc  but he could go to my sister's wedding when she has zero contact with him then I'll just be abandoning my flight to FL.  I'm no longer willing to go to the bother of keeping in touch with people who don't want to keep in touch with me.  Of course, my mom also bought a ticket to visit at the same time thinking that she'd be less of a burden on my Uncle if I was there to take care of her.  My mom has MS.  Now she's pissed at me.
Perhaps I'm  just in a really foul mood today and should just take my frustration on the rude people on the subway instead of on these boards. 

I'm sorry to hear this is happening to you. I understand weddings, planning any sort of organized event can be stressful. Just focus on your special day with the man you love and forget what the naysayers say (even if it is your mom ) I have a mom like yours who is a "I told you so" type of person and sometimes not feeding into that behavior is the best response. It doesn't help that she's one of the few people who knows how to rub you the wrong way Stay positive and try to enjoy the process Wish you luck!

DW is still bitter that her sister didn't travel from Connecticut to Florida for our wedding 3 years ago. She understood that her dad, at 87, couldn't make it, and her 20 year old daughter was basically pissed at her for leaving the country (they've since made that up)....but when my sister and brother in law, and my best friend and his partner flew from the UK to Florida for the wedding, DW was rather annoyed that none of her family and friends made it!
We stayed with her sister for a week after our wedding, DW stayed for 2  whilst waiting for visa, and we visited them last year. Then this Easter they were looking at coming over to visit but don't seem too keen even when DW was offering to contribute to the airfare! Oh well, if they don't want to visit the UK.....

I guess it didn't matter in the end as Irene ruined the wedding anyway.

I would have done exactly what I do with my mother when she says stupid things, which she does all the time, I would have walked away thinking, this is YOUR crazy, not mine. You are acting like an idiot, not me and been happy that you can walk away from it thinking that she is nuts. I do this daily with my mother.

I guess it didn't matter in the end as Irene ruined the wedding anyway.

OH no! Did you end up rescheduling or what? Is there a thread about this I'm missing...


Sorry to hear