Grandma died a week ago today - No U.S. Christmas?

Hello all,

I am now in the US at my parents' house. I have been here since Wednesday night, a 24 hour trip from Norwich, UK. I was actually skype-calling my dad when he received the call from Hospice that she was gone. She has been sick for a while so we were expecting it. It's very sad because I was close to her because we lived in the same town as her growing up. But, the funeral was wonderful and my ENTIRE family was there and we all had a great time.

It just sucks that it was so expensive for my dad to fly me back. I feel guilty. Now it makes it slightly pointless to come back home for Christmas, also, the ticket prices have gone up since I was trying to hold off on buying them because of my grandmother. I think I might spend my first Christmas ever away from my parents. I guess I knew it would happen eventually, but it's hard to imagine it. My boyfriend and his parents have offered to take me in for the holidays though and they are all becoming quite excited actually. It WILL be a fun time and I will have loads of good food and a big warm bed and fun English things to do. It's just hard to be away from North Carolina!!

How was it that first time you all spent Christmas in the UK away from family?!

First, I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother. Living so far away makes those situations incredibly difficult, but I'm glad you had a nice time seeing everyone.

My first time away from family for Christmas was a lot of fun. I stayed with my boyfriend's parents and was introduced to all of the british Christmas traditions. I really enjoyed it! I've not been home for Christmas since then, as the past two years the BF and I have just spent it on our own and we're looking to do the same this year. I don't know how your immediate family is with Christmas, but as my eldest sister now has 2 kids and my other sister lives an 8 hour drive away, family Christmas doesn't really happen anymore. So I don't feel like I'm missing much, plus I really enjoy having a nice Christmas meal with my BF. 

So sorry about your Grandma

We haven't moved yet, but from my point of view I definitely missed my UK family's Christmas after I moved to the States. Hubby and I kept trying to make it over there but it never quite worked out between our jobs and vacation allowances.

Although experiencing a cajun christmas dinner did kind of make up for it.

On the flip side we have decided that since for us, Thanksgiving is the bigger family get together in the States and of course not celebrated by the UK family we will come back for that and spend Christmas with my family.

Sorry to hear about your grandmother. It is fantastic that your boyfriend's family is getting excited about hosting you for Christmas. I had a similar experience on my first Christmas in the UK. I was only in the country for less than a month and was planning to fly back to be in my friends' wedding two days later. I had one of my favorite Christmases ever. The traditions are different and the food just as delicious.

I've been back home for a couple of Christmases now, but I really enjoy the ones here too. It must have something to do with the company too. 

I'm really sorry to hear about your grandmother and I'm glad you were able to make it back for the funeral.

Unfortunately, I had a different experience my first Christmas away.

It sucked.

I ended up staying in Ireland because I had just been home in November and was going back in March to get married. I love my in-laws, but they have no traditions. It's all about gifts and turkey. Period. There's no Christmas music playing, there's no going to look at Christmas lights, there are no Christmas cookies, I think MIL went to mass, but there we didn't go to any candlelight service. I had hocked a big thing of cookies and treats I had made all the way from England and DH and I were the only ones who ate any. When my nephew asked if he could have one, my MIL told him he wouldn't like them (that's a whole other gripe about her). I was miserable. At one point I was sitting in the bedroom having a little cry over missing my family. Maybe I had set my expectations too high? I don't know. I don't think Christmas music at Christmas time is unreasonable. The next year was better since I knew what to expect. All I'm saying is if you have something that you REALLY like about Christmas, mention it to your BF ahead of time. I did talk to DH about all of this after the fact and he felt bad. I guess after 33 years of Christmas with my family I didn't even think that someone might not do it the exact same way! 

I'm not trying to be a Debbie Downer, and I certainly hope you have a fantastic time, but I just want you to be prepared that it might not be fantastic and you're not alone. 

All I'm saying is if you have something that you REALLY like about Christmas, mention it to your BF ahead of time.

This, a million times.  My in-laws don't have much in the way of traditions either, and in my family we have a lot.  Fortunately, DH's mother in particular is very keen to take on some of mine, partly because she wants me to feel at home, but also I think because people like to have traditions.  She's enthusiastically embraced the idea of Thanksgiving, and that's become almost bigger than Christmas for us.  Let your BF know what is important to you and see if his family are open to the idea of doing some of the things you love.  But also be prepared for the possibility that they won't be, and be ready to deal with that. 

My first Christmas away was when I lived in Japan, and since it's not a holiday there, I had to work on the day.  I had only been there a month and so didn't even have any close friends.  At first, I went after work with some other English speakers to a pub that claimed to have a "turkey dinner," which turned out to be dreadful.  So (future) DH and I and our friend decided to find someplace else to get a decent meal.  We ended up in a steakhouse, and after our friend left (she was dealing with some personal issues and wasn't really up for a night out) future DH and I had a really nice meal together (the restaurant's "Christmas special" six-course set menu) and got to know each other.  A month later we were officially a couple and less than two years later we were married.  This Christmas will be the fifth anniversary of that "first date."  Sometimes things that seem awful end up being better than you could ever have imagined.  Hope it all works out for you .

I'm sorry to hear about your Grandma.  I had a similar experience when my Grandma died a couple of years ago.  I was here in the US, and my family are in the UK.  My mum called to say my Grandma wasn't expected to live more than another 24 hours.  So I immediately got on a flight that night, which was about $1000.  In the end, she survived another 2.5 weeks.  I returned to the US after 2 weeks, so I wasn't there when she passed, and I couldn't afford another flight to return for the funeral.  But, I'm happy that I was there for those two weeks - not so much because my grandma needed me (she wasn't awake most of the time and didn't really know who was there), but for my mum.  My mum lives alone, so I think it was good for her to have someone there to support her.

I spent my first Christmas away from my family in 2009.  I did it again in 2010, and will be doing it again this year.  The first year was harder, but BF's family definitely tried to make me feel involved.  I knew I was going to miss certain traditions, so I bought some Christmas crackers and made some mince pies.  They weren't as excited as I was about those things, but they humored me :-)  There are still some things I won't get used to.  The food, for example, is totally different (It's good, just not very traditional - eg salad, lasagna etc.)  But on the whole, it's been pretty nice.

First off, I am really sorry to hear about your Grandma.

I spent my first Christmas away from family last year.  I was really worried because Christmas time is a huge deal for my very large family.  Every year we go to my grandparents for Christmas brunch with about 30+ of my aunts, uncles, and cousins.  And then we have Christmas dinner at an aunts/uncle's house for the other side of the family, again with like 30+ people.

My husband's family is lot smaller than mine and we ended up spending Christmas with my MIL and her husband.  It was really nice, we exchanged gifts (MIL went overboard with my gifts as she was super excited about being able to buy for a girl), and then went over to my husband's aunt's and ate, drank and played Wii games.  It was pretty much like home, but on a smaller scale.  I also did Skype with my mom and dad on Christmas Eve.  I am sad about not being able to go home for Christmas this year (I was kind of hoping to be able to alternate where we spent Christmas), but we just don't have the time off work and the money for it.  Also this year, husband doesn't really want to go spend Christmas with his family.  So it might just be us, which I don't think will be as nice as spending it with some family at least! 

It will be hard, but it sounds like your boyfriend and his family will be very welcoming and try and give you a nice Christmas.  You just have to make the best of it and not expect it to be the same (which I know is really hard when you have the same yearly traditions!).

So sorry about your grandma.

My first Christmas in the UK in 2005 was wonderful.  My now in-laws were so warm and welcoming (but that's the kind of people they are).  We went back for Christmas 2007 and 2009 but 2009 felt wrong because we were in Florida and it just shouldn't be that warm (not to mention we were all sick as dogs).

I agree though if there's a particular food or tradition that it's just not Christmas without offer to organise it or make it yourself (as I do my Mom's coffee cake every year) or mention it to your BF.

Oh yeah, I've since introduced my in laws to green bean casserole and they love it! 

First off, thanks for the kind condolences. My family laid my grandmother to rest in a very dignified manner, and we are all relieved she is in no more pain.

Secondly, thanks for all of the stories!

She's enthusiastically embraced the idea of Thanksgiving, and that's become almost bigger than Christmas for us. 

This has proven to be true for British people! They love thanksgiving and I had a nice dinner with friends where I cooked turkey, but ruined the mac and cheese lol.

I agree though if there's a particular food or tradition that it's just not Christmas without offer to organise it or make it yourself (as I do my Mom's coffee cake every year) or mention it to your BF.

This is very true, funnily enough though, I have already been suggesting (or more accurately, demanding) various things of my boyfriend for Christmas. Such as, we MUST MAKE EGG NOG (as can't find any in stores ANYWHERE), I have to watch 'The Nightmare Before Christmas' on Christmas eve, and I'd love to hear Mariah Carey's famous Christmas album lol. I dunno how that last one will go over though lol. He's been very receptive and going waaaay out of his way to accommodate me. His mother has asked me for a list of small things that I would like for gifts and then proceeded to tell me NOT to get her and her husband anything. I still plan to though, (any ideas?! Seriously!!).

So I'm excited, but yes I will miss my family dearly. We always have a HUGE Christmas with 20-30 people and loads of gifts and a big tree and INFINITE food. It seems like although other people here did miss their family too, there weren't any major breakdowns which is encouraging. I guess that the fact we all up and moved countries at all shows that we aren't ridiculously attached :-P

Any other tips to make it through a first English Christmas, or boyfriend's parents' gift ideas would be greatly appreciated!!

Leah
xx

I'm very sorry to hear about your grandmother!

My first Christmas away was last year and I embraced it wholeheartly - First time in my life I put up a real Christmas tree and I loved it- I made all the decorations myself! And then I created my own special Christmas Eve, making an amazing meal for my boyfriend and I and we watched 'Christmas Vacation'.   We went to his family on Christmas Day and it was snowing hard and it was deep.  So the drunken walk home to my house (3 miles away) was really amusing. But it was gorgeous, all the Christmas lights and the snow.  His mum put on a great spread of food -all the traditions, I made J put on his crown   , his mum piled me up with presents (amazingly, considering she hated me in the beginning) and I came home and skyped my family.  
I am cheating though, not really a 'Christmas' away, because I went 'home' at the end of the December and did Christmas again with my family.  So its not the best example, but I guess my point is, go with the flow, tell your boyfriend all that will be special to you, and enjoy yourself!  New traditions are neat- mince pies, Christmas crackers, sausages wrapped in bacon!!!, going to the pub on Christmas day, the Panto, etc.  I would have been OK if I didn't get home, because I had an excellent day!  

J had his first ever X-mas away a few years ago with me and he cried and I think my family completely overwhelmed him to bits.  It was really tough for him, so now he doesn't go back with me.  And I'm OK with that, we do our own Christmas thing now - I'm starting to plan our night, probably going to be on the 16th this year 

And don't be afraid to feel homesick- the holidays are so tough and if you do become homesick ,its all OK- it's so normal to feel down.  Just know that we'll all be here for you if you do.  Happy Christmas!

Sorry for your loss.  Death is never easy even when it's expected.

Our first Christmas away from home was when we moved to LA, we couldn't afford to fly back to Boston for the holidays, so we decided we were going to make the most of it.  I made a nice dinner with quail after a nice day out in Pasadena.  The next day, my husband got sick with the stomach flu (not food poisoning as the quail was cooked properly...I made sure of it) and I got it a couple of days later, so that wasn't so good, but rememberable to say the least.   

This past Christmas, we went to spend it with my brother-in-law's family in the UK.  It was wonderful and we had a great time.  It gave us a great way to connect with them a bit more since we don't see them often as we still live in the States.  We look forward to more Christmases with them to come.

All you can do it jump in with both feet and try to enjoy the new experience.  At least you will still be surrounded by those who also love you...even if it's not your immediate family.   

I don't have advice and I realize I'm a bit late, but I wanted to offer you my condolences. So sorry for your loss.