Family

I'm wondering if there is anyone else in a similar situation as me.
Everywhere I turn I see people talking about living near family, wanting to live near family, moving to be near family- family family family...
We moved from Colorado to Washington state in part (and I can't emphasize the 'in part' enough, as in a small part) to be near my father. We lived in Colorado away from any family for 10 years and did just fine. Yes, my brother and sister (and mother before she passed away) were just one state away so it was not 'that' far... but regardless we did fine.
Now that we live near my father I have a greater than ever before urgency to move away. Yes, I wanted to get away from Colorado but this time it is an extreme urgency. Part of it is that my father, while good intending and good fun to be around usually (at least when my kids are around too) annoys me to no end. I hate to say that and believe me I feel bad enough, but while it's hard to explain I just know I need to not live near him.
So on my side of the family, all that is left really is my father (nearby) and my brother and sister (both are in the same state- several states away from here).
My husband's family has more members and they are much more sane than mine- only all of them are in Sweden... dh does not want to live in Sweden. I'm alright with his choice to not live in Sweden- I would never live in the state I grew up in, so I understand where he is coming from.
But a move to the UK would certainly take away any family options. My kids are older now and we are not in any need of relying on family for help, and if something were to happen we could rely on my two older children to help out more. So in that aspect family is not a necessity... I really don't mean to sound as callus as I am sure I am sounding. And I'm sure there are things that come up that family is great to have around for...
Just trying to put a point to what I am saying here and I don't think I am doing a good job of it.
Thing is I keep seeing everyone talk about family, missing them, or loving living near them or so on and I wonder what I must be missing out on. And also wonder if we move to the UK what we will all be missing out on there. Yes, we will be a whole lot closer to the Swedish side of the family and that will be amazing but it's not like we can get together on weekends or whatever.
Is there anyone else out there that does not really have extended family in the sense of the meaning that everyone else seems to keep talking about?
I know none of us can pick our families and I am sure I would not do too well living near by brother and sister and know living near my father is not an option for much longer as I actually feel like it is killing me. So in those aspects I should not even be worrying about any of this... ugh. I just get a little envious when other people talk about their families and doing all of these things with them and being able to count on them and being near them and so on.
Sorry this is so long and jumbled. 

Sometimes familiarity breeds contempt, even in families.  Mine has always done best when we live far away and see each other rarely.  That doesn't mean we're not loving and supportive, just that we get on each other's nerves if we live together.  I do wish we could be a bit closer, but I don't really miss them the way some people say they miss their families.  In the three years I've lived in the UK, I've seen them three times, which realistically is not much less than when I was living in the US.  Everyone is different, and you shouldn't feel weird or ashamed if you're not as close to your family as some other people are. 

Beccarose, I understand where you're coming from.  My parents moved to Florida when I was in my early 30s.  We all lived in the Philadelphia area.  So they left me and my sister to live the good retired life. 

Now that I'm living in the UK some people with big close families are amazed that I can live so far away from my family and not see them for years.  I don't feel badly about it.  I have only one first cousin who doesn't keep in touch and no more living aunts and uncles anymore.  We never had a big family even whe they were all alive. 

Other than my mother and possibly my sister I don't feel I can count on my family.  My father is not supportive and though he travels far and wide he has never come to the UK to see his daughter or meet his son-in-law.

When I got married to my now ex, no-one would go to the airport to pick up my second cousin who is like an aunt to me.

Every family is different and the dynamics are almost always complex.  I believe that family can be those we choose rather than those whom we are related to.  My now husband's family is extremely supportive and would do anything for me.

Sometimes familiarity breeds contempt, even in families.  Mine has always done best when we live far away and see each other rarely.

I think this is a very important reminder for me. We moved to Washington state after a couple of really nice visits my dad paid to us in Colorado. I made the mistake of thinking that since those visits went so well that living near each other would be similar. Truth is there had been 7 years that I had not seen him, he had not met either of his two youngest grandchildren and it was not until his wife died that he started making an effort with any of us. I know I can not continue to live near him, but I still feel guilt over it all too.

I believe that family can be those we choose rather than those whom we are related to.

Thank you SO much for saying this! What a huge eye opener it is. I've often wondered when we move if we will be able to have such good friends that they are just like family. It's not something we have had in either Colorado or WA state, but I think you're very right in that statement.
You're right, too, that families are complex, mine is no different. And while I have good visits with my brother and sister I could not at all picture living near them.
Maybe we will meet some great people and be integrated into their families....  Who knows.

But thank you both for the support. I feel huge amounts of guilt over my dad but know in every ounce of my being that I can't continue living here, it is definitely not for me, that's for certain. And if I could never see myself back in my childhood state that I left 20+ years ago and don't even like going to visit- then that sort of leaves us living no where near family either way. I guess I just start picturing all these super sane close knit families who would do anything for one another and fantasizing about it. But yeah, I tend to forget that no one is perfect and that goes for families too.

You are definitely not alone! I always get kind of down during the holidays because I have one of these families as well. I think I would rather pluck my eyes out than live within driving distance of my mom, and I've not heard from my Dad in years (he even deleted me off facebook!)

My husband stayed home yesterday to celebrate Thanksgiving and he is always asking questions about what it is like and I kind of have to give him these "Well, it SHOULD be like X" because we just never did these things (I can't actually remember a family Thanksgiving, I always went to friends').

I hope that you can indeed find some family-style friends wherever you end up! Just wanted to tell you, you're not alone

Thank you missjoules. Really means a lot to me to know I am not alone in thinking the way I do.
Funny thing is I think if my family was outwardly dis-functionally crazy lunatic like it would make it a whole lot easier for me to snap and realize how quickly I need to move along. But it's not like that in my family, it is much more passive aggressive bananas and small things, but they add up into a solid mass of poop. I spent a good portion of Thanksgiving yesterday crying- should paint a clear picture of how holidays are.
So my dad spent hours yesterday telling me how he wanted to do this and that and the other with my kids this weekend starting with having them to his health club today to swim- he then proceeded to leave a message this morning asking if we wanted to cancel since it is sunny out...  HE'S the one that wants to cancel since it is sunny out- see, passive aggressive nonsense like that. He said he would call back at 1 to see if we want to cancel, it is now almost 2 and no call and we are supposed to meet him at 2:30. And there is no way of getting hold of him- of course.
Those lots of small things that should not mean much add up, quickly.