Unresolved Anger

How do you cope when you're angry at something that you can't do anything constructive about? I'm normally really good at keeping my anger in check to resolve issues and move forward, but what do you do when there's something that you know you can't do anything about now without making things much worse?

I know I'm in the right, I know everyone supports me, even people that don't know me very well, and everyone says I should be outraged, the other person involved has shown themselves to be small minded, petty and pointlessly vindictive but I feel very impotent as there's nothing I can do to resolve my anger. (Like I can't talk to them or anything for a very important reason)

Right now I've been taking inspiration in Justin Timberlake, (the ultimate, what goes around comes around success story!) and focusing on what a tasty cup of tea I'm drinking, but neither of these things are cooling my outrage enough.

I'm pretty sure this is a situation where I could serve up some ice cold revenge in the future, but right now all I can do is sit around be annoyed.

BLEH!

That's a diffcult situation to be in. I'm glad you have so many supportive people around you though!

Do you have any healthy coping mechanisms that you use for dealing with stress (exercise? going on a night out? cooking your favourite meal? etc.)? It might be worth it to do something just for you so you can feel better about things in general. I think that given all that you are dealing with a treat is in order! 

Otherwise, breathe. Seriously. Sometimes when we get stressed and angry we stop breathing as much as we should. Breathing in your mouth and out your nose is a good way to steady breathing and relax, which might be a good idea to start doing when you feel like you're going to explode at the wrong time.

Here's hoping you get your chance at revenge very soon!

The worst part about that feeling is knowing that every minute you're angry, is another minute the other person has the advantage over you. And while you know that, you can't change it.

I like to write letters that I will never send. It's a good chance to just get it all out on paper. And then, if you have a safe place, burn it.

The Justin Timberlake approach is the best one. What comes around really does go around. People are petty and small minded always get theirs, even if getting their just means they have a boring, stupid, and totally un-fun life. I mean, Justin's life looks great, plus he acts like a big dork and is clearly having a lot of fun. Even if he weren't Justin Timberlake, a person like that is always going to be asked to parties, do well at work, and all that good stuff because he's nice, and he's nice because he's not weighted down with dumbness.

So, focus on your personal freedom from nonsense!

I think the letter idea is a great one!

I'm in the habit of making lists, so when I feel this way I make almost like a pros and cons list. On one side of the paper I list all of the reasons why my anger is justified. On the other side, I list all of the reasons why I should let it go. When I'm finished, I read it back to myself. I find I usually feel better after that. If I'm still feeling angry, I crumple the list into a ball, throw it on the floor and give it a good little stomp. 

Screaming into a pillow also helps. I also recommend having a good cry. 

I'm positive the person who made you so angry will get their comeuppance someday. Be assured of that. If not, give me their name and I'll see to it. 

I'm all for the letter writing and good cry approach. When I know there is nothing I can do, or at least nothing at that time, I will write a letter to the person who has me angry or hurt. I list all the reasons why I am upset with them, what I would like them to do to rectify it, and all the spiteful things I'd like to do because of it. I really let mind take over and write it all out, every little detail. When I am finished I feel like I have gotten at least most of the poison out. It doesn't mean I am ready to be happy with the person, but it makes it all feel a bit more bearable. There have been times I've had to write a second letter a few days later because I've let myself continue feeling all the icky feelings.

It doesn't fix the situation, but in a small way, it feels like you are venting to the person about what he/she did.

Having a good cry also gets out some of the poisonous feelings. It isn't fair to you to have been wronged, but it is doubly unfair to have to feel like there is nothing you can do about it. Even if you have to bide your time to get justice, I hope you can find a way to be able to deal with it in a way that gives you peace. (I struggle with that myself.)

I don't really cry at that kind of thing, I feel more like hunting this person down and punching them in the face (I am a bad person obviously).

Thanks for the letter idea, I might write a really strongly worded email that I wont send, (That's more *me*).

I did put a "I've been wronged but will end up on top" playlist together, thanks for the suggestion to do what I normally do when stressed, I normally use music to get me through...pretty much everything.

I met some friends who had just heard the story via email and they were suitably outraged and got me lots of drinks and I ended up out to stupid o clock, so that was a good stress reliever.

Ugh, such a frustrating situation. There is comfort in knowing I was 100% professional and that this person is a massive...you know... but it is frustrating that people like that can have so much power.

*sigh*

If you have a 'junk' email account - one you use when you have to give an email address and know you will get spam from it - you can always email it to yourself. That way you get the feeling of hitting the send button without actually sending it to the person.

People buying you drinks until the wee hours is always a great stress reliever.  

There's nothing wrong with thoughts of hunting the person down and doing bodily harm. (Um... maybe.) I've had thoughts of sliding someone (naked) down a slide of razor blades into a vat of saltwater or vinegar. I'd never act upon it, but it made me feel better.

ETA: Before everyone thinks I am an evil, awful woman, that was a one time thought. The man it was directed toward had done something horrible to a little girl close to my heart, and I couldn't help but want bad things to happen to him. I normally don't have evil thoughts like that. 

If technology is your thing, you can post an anonymous message here: http://www.smalltime.com/anon.html

Of course, there may be no such thing as true anonymity on the internet, but I think I may try it. Seems like a good way to set some unhappiness free.

Huggs CB - yes I am queen of writing sh*tty emails and not sending them.
It makes me feel better for sure!

*lots of hugs*  I am so not a fan of unresolved feelings.

I am a HUGE fan of unsent angry emails/letters, and I love the idea of sending them to yourself so you have the satisfaction of hitting the "send" button.  I used to write letters, then burn them.  (if you're inclined, you could try to visualize your anger getting channeled into those letters, and it evaporating when you burn them)

Punching a pillow, screaming into a pillow, and doing hardcore exercise are also ways I've found are helpful (at least to me) to get out some of that bottled up anger.  Or having a good cry.

Or, I write a story where awful things happen to the person in question.  I did that when I was robbed, and imagined my robber getting caught by a few fictional villains.  I felt so much better.