Potty Training

I need some advice.

We started potty training the girls in June. They were 2 in April this year. Within a few days we realised that training two at the same time was too stressful so Abby went back on diapers and we pressed on with Izzie.

Izzie was dry within a couple of days but we've had problems with her poo'ing. She just doesn't tell you she's gone or needs to go. She'll also lie about having already gone in her pants.

We put her on pull ups, which I hated but I couldn't deal with the mess. I found it was ok if I put her in pull ups until she had a poo and then I'd put her in her pants.

Jon, however, is super lazy and puts her in pull ups all the time. He also has some big issues with the nursery. Despite the fact that we label stuff, the girls clothes seem to go missing when we take them to nursery. Jon refuses to put Izzie in underwear because he doesn't want them to go missing and he also doesn't want to deal with the mess.

Because Jon takes them to and from nursery on the two days they go, I have no control over what they wear.

Izzie has begun to revert back to weeing herself. I'm currently through the third time of re-training her. It's only a day or two but it's stressful for both of us. I've fought and fought with Jon over this and he insists she's just not ready which I think is BS. She's got the weeing down no problems, it's just the pooing. We know she can do it, however, because she had two days in August where she kept going in the potty.

I've discussed this with the nursery and they agree with me. They've also offered to put Izzie in the nursery pants (which they clean and keep there) but Jon refuses to do this too.

Advice?

HI-- I can feel your frustration from your post.  I've got 2 (DD 4.5 and DS 2.5) and trained them both when they were turning 2 (both right around their birthdays).  DD was pretty motivated and was happy to sit and read books etc and fell for the m&m/ bribery trick.  DS i thought would be harder since he could've cared less but I decided we could do it and just went for it expecting a longer road, but it was ok.

In my experience every kid is different and you have to find what's going to work for them and you as a family.  Also I think firstly everyone who's going to be with the child has to be 100% on board with it.  Kids are really smart and many times we don't give ten enough credit for that and they can tell where there's a way out and will run with that (at least my 2 will) Also to help with my patience and frustration we picked a time and just went full guns and decided no turning back BUT to keep my head in it I kept telling myself that for 2 years of their life they were chased, bribed and pinned down to get changed and to expect the complete opposite in just a few days is unrealistic and also to understand that accidents happen and they will learn from those too.

I'm sure you have done some research on this but have you tried reward/ sticker charts etc?  My 2 never went for that just cheering and a potty dance and candy.  Sorry not tons of advice but just hang in there

Agree that everyone has to be on board. It sounds like your problem isn't with the girls or the nursery but with your husband.  Not sure how you will handle that one, though. Can't you just tell the nursery to put her in their pants even if your husband doesn't want them to? Surely he can't control what they do once he leaves.

My friend has had 6 and she really likes the Potty Training in a Day thing (even if it actually takes longer than a day).  With the doll and all that.

She thinks a lot of it is that with the first kid at least it was almost as if she wasn't training him to be potty trained but training herself almost.  It is hard to express it.  Like, you want your kid to be independent but with her first kid she said she just felt like it was training him to be dependent on her being there in the bathroom.  If that makes any sense. 

Thanks guys. Since I wrote this, my husband seems to have come around a bit. We left the girls overnight with my inlaws while Jon and I went out and between me and his mother having a go at him, Jon seemed to understand that Izzie is ready and just needs us all helping her along.The nursery is still an issue but I really think this is down to his stubbornness and laziness to deal with the mess. However, when Izzie is at home, she's in underwear. It's difficult because she's confused and is having accidents, whereas she never had any before but at least Jon is giving in.

Izzie sounds a lot like my DD1.  She had no trouble getting the wee down and only had minimal accidents once she got the hang of it--it helped that DH and I were on the same page, so she got consistency from everyone.  The poo, however, took longer.  She just seemed to either not get her head around it or sometimes freaked out trying to do it on the toilet.  I had several months of messy pants and accidents and just wanted to pull my hair out sometimes.  She was potty trained and doing well, but just couldn't seem to get this one thing, and it brought me to despair at times--especially when she had accidents in nursery.

I finally just kind of sucked it up and let the accidents happen.  I would clean her up and try so hard not to be all negative if she had an accident as I knew this would make it worse, and it's better she has an accident than she learns to hold it and not go at all--causing bowel troubles.  We also adapted the reward charts to find things that were meaningful to her to reward her if she went on the toilet.  We had done that during her initial week or two with the wee, but we changed it to be just rewards for the poop.  For DD, sweeties didn't seem to make a huge difference, although she loved getting a Peppa Pig sticker to put on her chart.  At first some of the rewards came for when she had a bit of an accident, but she still managed to get some poop in the toilet, then it finally shifted and she got the hang of it.

Those months weren't fun, that's for certain, but you will get through them, and she will learn eventually, I promise!  It will help tonnes if you and DH can get on the same page--sounds like you are making some strides there.

Jon is currently on the same page. I feel like I'm dragging him kicking and screaming but at least I'm getting my way.

We've now started on Abby. It took her a week but she finally has had some success. I've implemented a sticker chart and that seems to be working more than sweeties.

Still getting accidents every day but Abby is trying so hard, bless her. Izzie is doing well with the weeing but not with the pooing. I think I'm just going to have to ride this one out.