Any current foster carers?

Hi all, I've been thinking about this for awhile but haven't done anything about it. I was wondering if anyone here is a foster carer. What are you experiences? Is it difficult to become approved? Will they let me even if I haven't gotten my ILR yet??

Chicklet is contemplating a move back to the US. She desperately wants to attend high school in the US. It will break my heart if she decides to go, but her god-parents are agreeable to her staying with them. I just know I'll go out of my mind with missing her and boredom if I don't do something. I love being a mom....and I know there are so many children that need a place, even if just for short terms stays.

Anyone have any advice??

I haven't done it, but a colleague I was close with at work over 3 years ago did.  He and his wife were empty-nesters and his wife was a homemaker.  I was really intrigued by the process so used to ask a lot of questions.  The main things I noticed were:

- He and his wife had to attend A LOT of training courses.  He was probably out of work on average 1-2 days per month for the first two years he was fostering.  This seemed to increase during the stays with troubled kids.  I suppose there were meetings with the social workers etc.
- They did have some say in what types of children they would foster (age, gender, race, situation - long term, short term, emergency).  They picked toddler-young school age girls, as they had a granddaughter whom the wife looked after a few days a week and figured it would be a good fit for their family.
- I wasn't clear about this one thing:  whether they could bring the foster child on vacations with them or not.  The few times he did, he left the child with another foster family for the week.  Not sure if that was personal preference or not. 

Good luck.  It is something I think about doing when my girls are in school.   

I have started the process twice in the UK.

You will be allowed to even though you do not have ILR, though your DH would have to be considered the main carer until you had ILR.

The process generally takes from 6 months to a year.

They look at your physical space to take care of a child: You need to have a space they deem appropriate and safe. So generally one bedroom free, though the 2 councils I applied in preferred more empty bedrooms for sibling sets. One place we lived in was deemed not appropriate because of the handrails on the communal staircase and we couldn't get our maintenance company to change them, even if we paid for them.

It was recommended to DH & I to quit our jobs and apply for a council house to foster so we could have more than one child at a time.

They also look for people who live in smoke-free homes

They also look at your circumstances: Are you currently a stay-at-home mom? They want at least one parent in the household to be unemployed. One intake worker told me that she found that "women who intended to work are not committed mothers" (Note that I work at home, make my own hours and understanding bosses and it was something that they were considering rejecting our application for)

For most areas, they want you to have a driving license, even though they are not a requirement. ('The train was late/cancelled' is not an excuse to miss a court appointment, bio family visits, or anywhere else you are expected to take the child)




DH & I would love to adopt, especially out of the foster care, and we were basically told that we would be put lower down on an adoption list because we were foster care. We were pretty heartbroken about it decided to pull our application and focus on moving back to the US where it is more likely we can adopt out of the care system.

HOWEVER, I have several friends & family members that are foster carers and I think it is one of the hardest/best things you can ever do and you should definitely look into it!


I highly suggest calling your local authority and getting a mailing that describes all the different types of foster care. I know two years ago most authorities were in desperate need of long-term foster carers (from months to years), especially those for older children.

There also might be meetup groups in your area for foster parents, which is a great way to get the real dirty details.

One good thing about going through the visa process is that you and DH should be used to people wanting intimate details about your relationship- so it won't be too weird going through this process

Chicklet is contemplating a move back to the US. She desperately wants to attend high school in the US. It will break my heart if she decides to go, but her god-parents are agreeable to her staying with them. I just know I'll go out of my mind with missing her and boredom if I don't do something. I love being a mom...

This made me want to give you a big ((((hug))). No matter where Chicklet is- you are still a mom! I am guessing a great one.  

- He and his wife had to attend A LOT of training courses.  He was probably out of work on average 1-2 days per month for the first two years he was fostering.  This seemed to increase during the stays with troubled kids.  I suppose there were meetings with the social workers etc.

You will be req. to take child(ren) to court cases, meetings with social workers, meetings with bio-family members, also there can be meetings with therapists, court appointed counselors, teachers, etc. This is the main reason for wanting one unemployed parent and a driving licence + car

- I wasn't clear about this one thing:  whether they could bring the foster child on vacations with them or not.  The few times he did, he left the child with another foster family for the week.  Not sure if that was personal preference or not. 

You will probably have to get approval for anytime you take the child out of the local area. I know one person who had to get approval to take a beach day trip. This seems to highly depend on the place you foster, as well as the needs of the child.
Most carers have a respite family they get to use for a couple of weeks throughout the year.

I highly doubt you would get approved to take a child out of the country, as the first priority is making sure child gets to appointments and I was never given a good answer when asking this during the intake process. (We just assumed it wasn't possible and we wouldn't go back to the US a lot anyway, plus I can't imagine the headache of getting a passport for a foster child!)

Thanks for the great info! We definitely have the space, and I am a stay at home mom, and neither of us has smoked for at least a few years now so those are no problem. I don't currently drive...hmmm guess I could finally get around to switching my US license over  . I would probably need to get permission from our landlord too which shouldn't be too hard.
Lots to think about!
Thanks again for the information...its a great help!

I've never fostered, but I have a good friend who did it for about 5 years. From what I hear, there's a pretty high burn-out rate. It's not easy, but good for you for wanting to give it a go!

Granted, her position may have been more difficult because she fostered babies/mums at first, and then the babies on their own once the mums left. A tricky situation and a lot of work.

I don't currently drive...hmmm guess I could finally get around to switching my US license over  .

Just a small point... there's no way to 'switch your US licence over'.  You'd need to start from scratch and apply for a UK licence, as your US one isn't transferrable.

Just a small point... there's no way to 'switch your US licence over'.  You'd need to start from scratch and apply for a UK licence, as your US one isn't transferrable.

No I know...how I wish though! If we had an automatic life would be so much easier.

The comment about working mums not being dedicated enough was dead wrong, but I must say, as a social worker, I'm very hesitant about placing a child in a family where there isn't a stay at home parent.  Part of the reason is what someone else posted.  There are a myriad of appointments for a child in care, and it is your responsibility to make sure they get there.  Some of our kids have contact with their parents 3-5 times a week, so even without therapists, social workers, court appointments, etc, it can be a major time commitment.

Besides all that though, many of the children I have placed into care have very specific needs and can be quite disruptive.  Even with some older teenagers, who you would normally let be home alone, there are many who I would not leave alone in my home.  They could cause problems, and they need people to be there for them to talk to and share fears and concerns.  These kids have tremendous needs for caring and support, and it would be very, very difficult to provide that and gain there trust if you only see them a few hours a day. I suspect the comment from the thoughtless social worker had more to do with that kind of stuff than just saying working mothers weren't dedicated enough. Most carers I know come to think of their foster care as their work.

One other piece of advice I'd give is to check out multiple options.  The need is certainly greatest for local authority carers, but if there aren't enough of those (which happens often) then the LA will turn to agencies, and much as I hate to admit it, many of the agency foster carers are better paid with more support.

Another social worker chiming in...

True it takes 6-12 months to go through the process with lots of training. I agree with Cadenza about the use of independent fostering agencies. The process is exactly the same, but often better paid and supported.

Have you considered doing respite? These are short stays for children who may be living with their families or other foster carer carers full time. If you have an adaptable home and would consider taking a disabled child this is another way to provide care to needy families.

plus I can't imagine the headache of getting a passport for a foster child!)

Social workers have to do this for children placed in care. Agreement depends on many factors, but we've said yes many times for stable placements to Disneyland Paris or even USA. Holidays abroad are cultural experiences for British families and looked after children should be considered for them with the appropriate risk assessment. However, many foster carers prefer a respite break of their own and leave the child behind with alternate carers.

It was recommended to DH & I to quit our jobs and apply for a council house to foster so we could have more than one child at a time.

...

DH & I would love to adopt, especially out of the foster care, and we were basically told that we would be put lower down on an adoption list because we were foster care. We were pretty heartbroken about it decided to pull our application and focus on moving back to the US where it is more likely we can adopt out of the care system.

Danielle, I am surprised about some of the feedback you have had during your experience! More than one available bedroom, council property, quit you job, lower priority as adopters. It sounds like you need to find the right agency that will match children to your circumstances.

Don't get me wrong, I have definitely heard stories where things didn't go as smoothly as carers had hoped but if you are ever dissatisfied with an answer, then lodge a comment/complaint and get it verified.

I had to vet an adoptive placement over Christmas and I can tell you that it is one of the hardest decisions I have ever made.

Danielle, I am surprised about some of the feedback you have had during your experience! More than one available bedroom, council property, quit you job, lower priority as adopters. It sounds like you need to find the right agency that will match children to your circumstances.

This was almost all from the first place and did eventually file a complaint, especially because a lot of it was in direct conflict from what they had on their brochures, etc.

We did talk to some private fostering agencies in London who seem fantastic though! We decided to not foster here when we decided to move back to the US permanently, because it didn't seem fair to get certified then only be able to do it for a 1-2 years, when they really needed long term carers.

I don't envy your job- the responsibility of placing adoptions must be incredibly stressful! It is neat to think that you had a part in helping create a family though.