What is wrong with me?

I am in Norway right now at my boyfriend's parents house. I've been here about a week and have felt a great deal of depression and anxiety and I'm irritable. I feel bad for my boyfriend because he's so sweet but right now he gets on my nerves a lot. I haven't been sleeping well, and I feel a deep sadness because I miss my mom (she passed away in 2003.)

I'm guessing this is one of my "spells" but I guess I'm realizing I won't be back in the U.S. for quite some time and perhaps I just realize it now right off the bat. I'll be moving to London in about 3 weeks.

Did anyone feel all mixed up and depressed early on?  I have a history of depression and anxiety, so I can recognize it and (so I don't do or say something I will regret later when I "come out of it")

Yes, yes, yes. I felt mixed up and depressed early on. You should see my journal from the first year I was here. All I did was vascillate from 'Oh, I want to go home, what is wrong with these people!' to 'I love it here, can't believe I live in ENGLAND!!'  Sometimes within the same paragraph.  I went to the doctor and even saw a therapist for time (NHS provided 6 weeks of counselling), and he told me 'This sounds like something that will ease with time,' and he was right.

Hang in there, and let your boyfriend know that none of this moodiness has anything to do with him, it's just something you are riding out. You'll be fine!

What you're feeling is normal.  Lots of people hit a slump when they first arrive.  For me, it was the first month or so, I think mostly because the move was anticlimactic.  

I also suffer from depression and maintaining medication was key for me to stay relatively normal.  If you need to get help, please do so ASAP.  An international move is very stressful.  Do what you have to do to cope.  Good luck.  

I can relate as I just moved here a couple of weeks ago and have been up and down. Others have already offered great advice, but I can say that you have every right to feel crummy and depressed. It stinks to be so far away and feel a bit pressured to be happy and be yourself when you just can't. Plus you can't really explain why, you just are. No one reason, you just feel down and anxious. My best friend gave me the best advice: baby steps - do as much or as little as you can in a day. Something small to start and eventually you will get where you need/want to be when you're here. I'm still taking that advice and so far, so good. I'm doing the best I can and I'm sure you are too. One day will be great another kinda blah and another really awful, but eventually we'll both find some sort of normalcy in our new lives in England.

   aaw, sweetie... *hugs*
It is totally normal to be feeling the way that you do... I have been here over 2yrs, and still have my bad days/weeks.  Now though, the good times outnumber the bad.. it gets easier, really!   

I miss my family a lot, too. I haven't seen anyone from home in 1 1/2 years, and it won't be until XMas that I see them again when I go home for a visit.  :\\\'(   Its not easy, and some days I feel like a crazy person & cry out of the blue, just wishing they were here and feeling so homesick.

I suffer depression as well.  Its good to talk about things, and this forum is a good place to come when you are feeling homesick or like no one understands you...  Also, there are so many helpful members here that will point you in the right direction when seeking help/info.

I'm here for you, as well, and you can feel free to PM me anytime you need to talk or vent.   

Take care, and hang in there!!!   

It's perfectly normal, especially if you're prone to that. I'm prone to anxiety/depression myself, and due to a whole bunch of bad circumstances this past year in the UK for me, including isolation and loneliness and a very bad year at university, I was at breaking point. I finally went to my GP several months ago and took control of my life and started a low dosage of antidepressants. They really made coping much, much easier and put things in perspective. I'm much more relaxed now and my thought patterns are much less negative, and I feel alot more motivated to make things work for myself.  Plus, missing your family, the poor weather, the darkness during the winter, everything you were used to back "home", and overall loneliness can make depression worse if you're already feeling slightly depressed. I'm not saying antidepressants are the solution for everyone, but I know they have really helped me cope better and have made me feel more like my old self again.

Ditto what most everyone has said - from dealing with it myself and handling my depression.   Like Carla said - one day I can be like, "I'm sure glad I live here in England", then an hour later I can feel really sad about not finding a familiar product I was used to and say, "Well back in America it wasn't so difficult...".  Sometimes I drive my husband crazy  (well almost all of the time I do )

Seriously it's normal though *hugs*, I'm glad I have found this place where I can read what other people are thinking and know, that we've all been there and I'm not alone feeling like I'm losing my mind. 

And like others have said, it's a HUGE change, so don't beat yourself up about not being 'happy' like you think you should, it will get easier with time - and you will shed some tears along the way!!! 

 

Add my name to the list as well.....my first winter here....was a nightmare.....I had anxiety attacks.......couldn't sleep.......and then sometimes all I did do was sleep.....I thought OMG what have I done..and then I would realise I didn't have ANYTHING to go back to in the USA...so that made me scared as well....

Since moving towns and buying our own house..I finally am having a better life...I have come to terms with the "it wasn't like this at home" syndrome...nothing will EVER be like home and even if you went back home it won't ever be like it was when you left.

It is the unfimiliarity of being somewhere new.....I get really bad depression in the Winter time and homesick starting in October.......cause I am a very artsy person and I loved decorating my house in the USA..I used to have my house decorated on Oct 1st for Halloween.........and I loved Thanksgiving and Christmas.......my 3 favorite months.......October it was the Indian Summer feel I loved.....the smells and the way the air felt....the colors..........*SIGH*

Point is your not alone and we know how you feel
Chin up

Shell

Boy, is it not unusual! My husband and I, both Americans, came here almost 5 months ago for him to take up a job as a social worker. Two months into the job, he experienced one of these episodes just after we'd gotten the money for a car loan. He took off and went to the US for a day and a half! He came back, is still getting counciling, and hadn't spent any of the money, but the repercussions have been reverberating in his work situation ever since, and the end result, by way of a meeting just this afternoon, is he's lost his job. I've been going through my own frustrations not having found work yet despite having degrees and being willing to take on almost anything. Overqualified. Who knows what happens now. We may end up underqualified to live under a roof. Don't mind me. I'll brighten up tomorrow, maybe. Right now we're both in shock and so angry we could spit nails.

Sorry to hear that DJC.  You and your dh have 28 days to find a new employer for him who will sponsor his work permit or you'll have to return to the US.  I hope he's able to find something.

Boy, is it not unusual! My husband and I, both Americans, came here almost 5 months ago for him to take up a job as a social worker. Two months into the job, he experienced one of these episodes just after we'd gotten the money for a car loan. He took off and went to the US for a day and a half! He came back, is still getting counciling, and hadn't spent any of the money, but the repercussions have been reverberating in his work situation ever since, and the end result, by way of a meeting just this afternoon, is he's lost his job. I've been going through my own frustrations not having found work yet despite having degrees and being willing to take on almost anything. Overqualified. Who knows what happens now. We may end up underqualified to live under a roof. Don't mind me. I'll brighten up tomorrow, maybe. Right now we're both in shock and so angry we could spit nails.

Bummer.  Hope he finds another sponsor soon.

I guess I must be the odd one out.  I moved here and everything was an adventure.  Sure I had down days, but I have them even now after all these years.  Try changing your outlook...or your scenery.  Go for a walk - do something you've never done before (like get a Indian Head Massage).  Try focusing on something other than being down.

There are loads of people that would kill to be in your situation (ie: living in the UK), so try to make the best of an exciting new life.

Okay, a word to the wise for you people on SSRIs. DON'T take an abundance Melatonin if you're on something like Zoloft, Prozac or other SSRIs!

I was really out of sorts about 2 days ago and I realized I had been taking 6 mg of Melatonin every night to try to sleep for the past 1.5 weeks since I got here, and I realized that may be what is causing the problem. Now that I've stopped taking it I'm already feeling like my old self and starting to sleep like a normal person again.  Apparently the dosage they give out in health food stores (in the U.S.) are much too large and I was taking two pills to boot instead of just one. 

I've felt some anxiousness about life now and then, but not like I did the other day when I posted here. That felt unreal. Now I feel happy and excited again.... But I'm sure I'll have my down days....

Thank you! 

DJCNYC

How far? Has your husband gotten another job. I know getting a job as a qualified Social Worker in UK will not be a problem, they are hot cakes, but i don't seems to know much about the work permit stuff.

Please can you let us know how you are faring.