Trouble in paradise.....

Hello gang....
So I come on here every once in awhile and have posted some good and bad experiences of my LDR. I have hit another "bad" one.
My wife and I got married last month and then had to go back to our respective countries. I was able to get some additional time off work so ended up going to see her ( I am actually there now).
In a nutshell, we have been arguing. She even said " eff u" to me this morning. I would never ever say this to her and quite frankly was shocked. We argue about money and rearing issues of her daughter. Money issues are always the same. She ( in my opinion,) never cares about keeping us on a budget or saving money on costs of things). Trust me I am not a miser. My wife gets the best of everything. I treat her like a queen and our honeymoon was way more expensive than I was comfortable with but I wanted to stay where she wanted and do things that made her happy. I am not rich but I am the main breadwinner and she resents me "having" to help her pay "her" bills. It is crazy expensive in the UK for an American because of the exchange rate and she looses sight of this constantly. Daughter issues are that she is too "soft" on her and is bamboozled by the little girl who is quite manipulative. Cute and smart as a whip! I love my step daughter but she does do stuff to try and get me in trouble with her mom. I never get the benefit of the doubt and my wife always is defensive.
Two days ago the little girl was swinging her body around in her room and hit her hand on the door frame. Bruised the top of her knuckle. A few tears. I put ice. No problem. The next day she was out scooting all over the neighborhood and has been on the computer all weekend without complaints. There has been an issue at school with bullying and she was given advice by us on what to say and how to handle it. So today, monday morning, facing school again, she wakes up and says that her hand hurts. My wife wakes me up and says no school for her and would I take her to the doctor. I said the little girl did not have a problem with it the last two days. I said it was silly to go the doctor. She insisted. My wife could get off work early; instead she wanted me to take a $50 cab ride to and from the doctors office because I don't drive. She said " I will pay for it". Excuse me! Its OUR money so I said sarcastically, "what... are you hiding some I don't know about ". She always says this when she accuses me of cheaping out,  like, buying an onion at the 99p store rather than pay 2 pounds at M & S.
So I am with the little girl at home all day. I am doing some book work but fully available to her. Mom calls and tells her to get ready by 2 because she is coming home. Little girl said that her hand hurt but I reassured her that it was only bruised and not broken or she would be in agony. She laughed and joked and I told her to get the peas from the freezer to ice it like we did on Friday. Thinking that my wife fed her daughter before she left for work, I didn't bother asking if she was hungry. At 10:30 she asked for her breakfast. Hmm...did wife forget? Ok no problem. Then she wasn't hungry for lunch and didn't ask for any. Wife came home from Drs visit ( by the way nothing wrong only a bruise) angry that I did not feed her daughter and that I did not give her pain meds. SHE DIDN'T ask me!!! Then wife says she will keep her off school and take her to a child minder since I "can't be bothered to take care of (her) daughter". HUH?
Wife apologizes for the "eff u" remark but not for anything else and is now certain that I she cannot count on me to take care of her daughter or her (wife's) needs.
So here I am sequestered in another room of the house wondering about our future.
Bottom line. My wife and I got along better when apart and on skype. When we are together we tend to argue. Our fighting styles are different. She will go silent and hold grudges. I want to talk it out and make up. Every trip it has been like this although I thought it was just getting to know each other. Maybe it is. It's not like we fight constantly but we get into at least one each visit. And it always goes the same way with one of us saying we wish we could get on a plane sooner to go back home. Then we make up eventually. On skype there are so many promises about romance and things and then when we get together we have a few romantic days and then the kids take over, dominate our couple time (she feels it too) and we start to bicker. All our expectations of a wonderful reunion tend to fall apart.
I am wondering if I made a mistake. I thought she was the love of my life and we had a good relationship. My ex wife used to call me names and I hated that. My new wife knows that. Has she lost respect for me so fast? Despite spats we have always had a deep bond or so I thought.
Now what do I do???
Help!
Thanks!

See my post in the other thread, pimmscrazy. I said a lot of things there that I'd repeat here. But as an ex-stepparent to three kids of varying ages (my first marriage was an interesting, if not ultimately successful, one), I can tell you that the presence of one or more children complicates matters exponentially.

That discussion I advised having? It also needs ground rules regarding the parenting component, and those can be a lot harder to set because the biological parent inherently comes to the table with a whole load of emotions and instincts that the stepparent can try to understand only on an intellectual level. You have to set co-parenting rules that are fair for everyone involved, but my experience is that you mostly give way to the parenting style of the bio-parent. (I was usually OK with this, as I've no desire to be anyone's parent, and rolled with it unless my agency as a person was being violated.) Any other way can quickly spell disaster.

You mentioned getting in a fight per visit. I imagine that's quite common; I know it's happened to me on occasion. The emotional stress of the parting creeps up on you before the actual parting, and there's this weird, terrible thing your brain can sometimes do where it thinks the parting will hurt less/you'll be happier to leave if you've had a row. Don't ask me why, but the human brain is a prick like that.

But, seriously, despite the popular perception that an LDR with someone from another country is a flight of whimsy, it's actually the world's toughest exercise in practicality. Have a cool-headed talk about the logistics of your relationship. Then work on the promises of romance.

Good advice. Thank you. I hope to get to that point with my wife before I leave town. I kind of responded to your post via my other post but basically I feel devastated. Am I making too much out of it? The " Eff U" comment and then "shut your effen mouth" cut to my core and invoked old memories I thought I would never have to revisit. She called this morning ( returned my call actually about what time she gets off work today) and benignly asked me how I slept indicating she slept fine. I watched her drive off today from my upstairs window. She didn't see me. The look on her face was the same look she always has. No indication of heavy heart or distress. Perhaps that 's the British style. My heart is breaking. I am not sure if she really cares.
So that is the woman that I married.
If we do call it quits how stupid I am going to look to friends and co-workers who have heard nothing but how much I adore her for the last 2 years!!!
And today the little girl is home again with her sore hand. Downstairs right now as I am trying to compose myself, put on a smile and be excited about watching a kid movie. The sad part is I really do love that kid even though her mom thinks that I don't like her.
Sorry to ramble on. I am a bit raw. Typical emotive American I am!

Ooh and one more thing about the step parent component. Yes, we have had that talk on more than one occasion about "following her lead" so of course I try my best. I don't want to boss the kid around but sometimes cant hold back saying things like please pick up your stuff from the stairs, the living room floor, the kitchen, the bathroom,etc. Typical kid. No problem. It is that my wife does not follow through and has admittedly let her kid get away with not assuming responsibility. Babying her so consequently she acts like one. Helpless. I won't feed that. I treat the little girl, soon to be 10, more age appropriate. We laugh, joke and have fun. I teach her things and life skills. I won't baby her and be her servant. I encourage her to things for herself. My wife sees this as me "not liking" her. She says, " I want you to adore her the same way you adore me". I told my wife FLAT OUT..."impossible". I don't adore anyone like I do my wife. I was honest with my wife and told her that I would probably relate to the little girl better when she gets older. I just can't do the babying...it goes against my grain. Don't get me wrong, I am affectionate with her but refuse to coddle her like a 3 year old.
She would have the best life in America. A chance to re- invent herself as she is constantly bullied at her current school. I would look out for her and make sure she had lots of friends around and get on sports teams and go to her games and all. I think I am a good step parent, not perfect, but I am learning, and my heart is in the right place. My wife sees it differently. Makes me wonder why she married me if she really thinks I don't like her daughter.

Step-parenting is tetchy business; it's hard work to walk the invisible line set up by the bio-parent and the stepchild, even in the best of situations. If you really feel that you and your wife can't have a thorough and rational discussion of all your issues, working with a therapist is probably a good idea (although I'm not sure how the logistics of that would work in an LDR).

Sure is. Read my other post. It's all gone to hell now.

Good advice. Thank you. I hope to get to that point with my wife before I leave town. I kind of responded to your post via my other post but basically I feel devastated. Am I making too much out of it? The " Eff U" comment and then "shut your effen mouth"

Obviously I don't know the whole story or the context, but is it possible she didn't mean anything by those comments? My husband (we're both British) say "f*ck you" to each other all the time - it's virtually a term of endearment. 

She would have the best life in America.

But perhaps she likes her life here. And bullying, as horrible as it is, happens everywhere I'm afraid.

Not that simple. No.