Knoxville to Manchester(maybe)-Trying to escape toxic mother-HELP!

Hi! I have been married to a Brit living in the states for 5 years this month. We have a 2 year old and i'm 4-5 weeks pregnant with #2. I have recently done some research about toxic parents (because long story short, my mother is SUPER involved and toxic in my marriage and since my sons birth, my children's lives as well) and discovered that she is a classic narcissistic parent. I also came to the sad realization that she will likely never change. I have spoken to her, argued with her, and even threatened lawsuits against my mother for her behavior to no avail. I am at my wits end and i don't want to allow my fear of moving to allow her to keep polluting my life. I recently came back from a 3 month "trial run" of living in the UK. Much of that time was spent alone with my son as my husband was at college doing a short course. I LOVED it. I was already familiar with the area but it just came naturally to me. I have a sister in law, brother in law, 2 nieces, one nephew and a lot of extended in laws that would welcome me with open arms. I have no trouble getting along with the people there that i know and i am very open minded and adventurous and i LOVE people so these things aren't hard for me. My husband is the bread winner in our family and would have a job whenever we moved, no problem. I suppose what i'm asking is, has anyone else moved SO FAR away to escape toxic parents and did it work? This is VERY important to my family and any advice would be gladly welcomed. Thanks 

First off, big hugs for what you are enduring. Are you wanting to move that far simply to get away from your mom and current situation, or because of that and a desire to live in your hubby's hometown area and near his family? If it is a bit of both, all should be fine.

If it is only to get away from your mother, you could move just far away enough to keep her out of your business. Although the cultures are similar, there are a LOT of differences between the US and UK. You mentioned being in that area and with his family came naturally, so it sounds like you will adapt easily, for the most part.

There is no need to spend your life miserable, or subject your children to a miserable life, trying to please or even be near a family member who won't allow you to be happy. I don't need to know the situation, but I do feel you know in your heart and mind you would be happier elsewhere. Maybe (again, I don't know the situation) you could have a slightly more normal relationship with your mother, or at least be in control of when she can contact you, from a distance where she isn't able to be around all the time.

It does sound though, like you are doing your research and soul searching, and not making a hasty decision. That is the wise thing.

My mom and dad moved to a suburb of Savannah, Georgia from upstate NY after they got married. My dad's army base was there, but they also made the move to keep my mom's toxic mother out of their lives. They did end up moving back, but didn't have any contact with my grandmother for a few years. When they did resume contact, my grandmother was still toxic but much, much less so because she realized that she didn't necessarily have any right to see her daughter or grandchildren,and that it was a privilege contingent on her own behavior. Not to say you have to move to a different continent to escape a toxic parent, but moving away (even a smaller distance) can help you establish and maintain boundaries. You can do that without moving of course,but the distance may make it a bit easier. Best of luck!