4 mths in USA, now homesick for England?

I have some bad news for you - you'll probably never feel completely settled in either country. At least, this has been my experience. I have now moved between the US and UK on the following occasions:
 1) Moved over in December 2002
2) Moved back to USA in December 2003 - only stayed 3 months as British (now ex) husband broke down in tears one day and told me he did not want to be there
3) Moved back to UK - March 2004
4) Moved back to USA - May 2006 - this was after ex-husband decided that yes we would have a better life in USA and that we really should make a 'go' of it - I moved over first so as not to sacrifice our savings and find a job. Found said job in 2 months and the week before the ex was supposed to move over, he told me over the phone that he wasn't coming and wanted a divorce
5) Moved back to UK - August 2007 - this time I moved to Scotland upon divorce (ex was a lawyer so was able to make me out to be a monster and get an expedited divorce!) being final as I missed the 'European' way of life including holiday entitlement
6) Moved back to USA - April 2009 - accepted a contract working in Miami and partied for the whole time
7) Moved back to UK - January 2010 - and I've been here since. Met my current husband in the same month. I have been having yearnings to return to the USA for about a year now!!!!

What I've found through all of this is that I mainly want to move back to the US when the weather is at its worst here - i.e. Jan/Feb. This year however has been horrendous with rain all throughout the 'summer'. Once I am back in the US however and have some sunshine, I start to miss the idyllic and cozy way of life afforded by long, cold and dark nights with candles and hot tea. Or never needing a fan or A/C in Scotland or seeing hardly any bugs or any snakes!!! I also start to detest the over commercialised nature of everything in the USA...the broadcasters shouting on TV, the work culture of always having to be switched on and chained to the company 24/7, etc etc etc.

I've decided before moving again, I'll explore buying a holiday flat in Spain, France or Portugal

Good luck and you are definitely not alone!

scottishjenn - wow that's a lot of moving!  I'm impressed!

I agree, I do realize I will never be completely settled in either country no matter what...unless I come into a great deal of money and can live 6 months here and 6 months there. 

Just wanted to give everyone here a big hug. I moved back to the US yesterday, and I'm missing my friends in the UK like crazy. Didn't know it would be this hard. Big hugs to anyone else feeling this way.

Right back at ya, rebeccacat. I miss my UK friends and it's been 8 months. Yay for seeing them in a couple of weeks!

That being said, my friends here have been very understanding to the hardships of an international move. Hope yours are too.

It is odd, all these months later, that my mind is in Indiana, I feel settled, happy to be with my family, overjoyed to be here for Christmas... etc... but yet, I still seem to miss England. It is a vague longing that never seems to go away. Maybe six months isn't enough time. Hubby, however, doesn't miss it at all. He misses family and friends, but not his home country.

Not to be dramatic, but I daresay the feelings of missing the UK probably never go away, they just fade into our routines. For those of us who expatriate then repatriate, for whatever reason, I doubt we are ever truly at home in either place.

I dunno. Too deep for a Tuesday night?

I wanted to bring back an older topic because it's something I might be facing shortly. I haven't posted on UKYankee in a long time. I moved from the US to the UK 3 years ago (London) and they have been some of the best years of my life. I loved London before moving here. London to me I guess is like your first true love. My visa is set to expire at the end of the year, however, due to finances I may be heading back before that period.

I was heavily looking for tier 2 work for 2 months without much luck, and I believe I have semi-numbed myself to London in preparation for leaving. I've been looking at NYC, as a lot of my friends live there, and after living here nowhere else in the US would come close. I know I will like living in NYC but at the same time I feel like I will miss England for the rest of my life already. I've kind of given up on London job hunting because I've made myself so indifferent to London but at the same time I don't want to make a mistake. I could easily re-start the job hunt here again and give it a go but I'm so confused on what's best. Will I regret leaving and not giving it my all, or should I start a new in NYC where I'm legal?? So confused on every level.

I guess I'll have regrets either way and it's more of pick your poison? To the poster who I quoted before, this seems completely accurate and I haven't even left the UK yet. I'm getting the missing the UK blues already. There's just something in the air here, a feeling that one can't describe...that is what I'll miss. That feeling deep inside..England or the UK at that. English pubs, English Football, Europe, Scotland, London, the mild weather, friends, the buildings, smell, tube, small streets, the houses..man the list goes on.

Does one ever get past it? For those who said their British partners don't miss the UK as much as you, I think that is because they're now the expat. I find I don't miss much at all about America and that I would miss England more. That is because England is new to me and I grew up in America. Being an expat is pretty amazing. Sorry for the long post but I'm soon to be in this terrible category.

Now that it's been a year and a half for me since I moved back, I can say that the feelings do fade as you get into your new life and your new routine. At least for the most part. It was definitely tough at first. I had some reverse culture shock trying to settle back into life in the US. But once I got a job and an apartment and everything, it was a lot easier. Sure, I still miss things and people, but I just did here what I did when I moved to Scotland, which was to get stuck in and start building my life again.

The thing I have found to be the most difficult is talking about my time in the UK to other people. I try not to mention it too much, because I don't want people to think I'm trying to brag about having lived abroad. It just happens to have been the most recent life experience I've had and most people just can't relate to it at all. But maybe I'm just overly self-conscious about it. I never want people to think that I'm trying to come off as exotic or whatever. I mean, you live in another country long enough and you realize it's not terribly exotic and you're just living your life like you would anywhere, but people don't see that.

I'm sorry you're faced with coming back. I was heartbroken about it, but I made sure to go to all my favorite spots and see all of my favorite people before I left, and it really made the difference. Plus, I know it's not forever. I may never live there again, but it's not as if I can never go back!

ETA: And I can say that NYC definitely has a way of taking your mind off things. I'm in Jersey City and my office is in Chelsea, and there's just so much going on and so much to experience that it makes it a lot easier to build something new. If I'd stayed living with my parents out in the boonies for any longer than the 3 months I was there, I might have had a completely different and more difficult experience of moving back.

Now that it's been a year and a half for me since I moved back, I can say that the feelings do fade as you get into your new life and your new routine. At least for the most part. It was definitely tough at first. I had some reverse culture shock trying to settle back into life in the US. But once I got a job and an apartment and everything, it was a lot easier. Sure, I still miss things and people, but I just did here what I did when I moved to Scotland, which was to get stuck in and start building my life again.

The thing I have found to be the most difficult is talking about my time in the UK to other people. I try not to mention it too much, because I don't want people to think I'm trying to brag about having lived abroad. It just happens to have been the most recent life experience I've had and most people just can't relate to it at all. But maybe I'm just overly self-conscious about it. I never want people to think that I'm trying to come off as exotic or whatever. I mean, you live in another country long enough and you realize it's not terribly exotic and you're just living your life like you would anywhere, but people don't see that.

I'm sorry you're faced with coming back. I was heartbroken about it, but I made sure to go to all my favorite spots and see all of my favorite people before I left, and it really made the difference. Plus, I know it's not forever. I may never live there again, but it's not as if I can never go back!

Thanks for the response! It's good to hear things have moved on for you in a positive way. Was there any reason you went back in particular or just visa issues? Where did you move to in the US? I think another issue I have is I've moved far away from what I can consider the "american mindset". Feeling as I've lived in the "world" for once it just seems like it will be hard to readjust to the "american way" of thinking or whatever. I obviously see things in a completely different way after years abroad. (Another reason I believe NYC might be the best option after this) I totally get what you mean about keeping your experiences to yourself for the most part. My one visit back to the states it was like that. People thought I was bragging and asking ridiculous questions, almost like I was odd for even wanting to leave America. I don't know, now I'm just ranting on!!

Do you feel you're "home" being in the US, or do you feel as if you'll never really be "home" again after living in your birth country and adopted country? Many mixed emotions these next few months one way or another.

I moved back for a mix of reasons. My ex, who I was living with, and I broke up. I'd been unemployed pretty much the whole year and a half after my masters course had finished aside from a couple of temp jobs, so I didn't have any money to move out on my own and finish up the final year of my T1 PSW visa. Because of that, I didn't really have any other choice but to move back to the US.

As for where I'm living, I edited my post above I think when you were replying, but I'm in Jersey City, which can probably be considered the unofficial 6th borough of NYC. We've got a subway going into Manhattan with Metro Cards and everything. I do actually feel at home now and I absolutely love it here, though it's only something I've realized in the past couple of months. Not that I hated it here by any means, but I recently had an epiphany moment when I was walking down the street where I just thought "I love where I live!"  I'm also from New Jersey, so I've got my family and all of my friends here anyway, which helps.

Thanks again! Yeah, I'm going to avoid going back to my parents in the suburbs. I might stay for a week but luckily for me I've got a friends couch to sleep on in NYC until I get myself sorted out. I feel that would be best for a life changing transition as this!

I agree it is hard to mention the fact you lived in the UK, because most people either think you are bragging, or think you are crazy for moving back. Either way, the conversation then shifts to what it was like living there, why you went, why you came back, etc... You never get to finish what you were talking about. Still, you can't avoid mentioning that time of your life, so I do find myself going ahead and mentioning things from time to time, but I pick and choose. If it is a person I won't see again, or a customer at work, I will gloss over it. If it is someone I will speak to often enough to somewhat get to know, then I still pick and choose what topics I think are important enough to risk the conversation shifting over.

It has been almost a year and two months for me. I still desperately miss some friends, and occasionally  miss places and things, but we recently moved, and are building a life in a new small city where one of my two best childhood/lifelong friends lives, and aren't too far of a drive from the other of my best childhood'lifelong friends. That really helps.

You will settle in quickly, I am sure, trading one fast paced city for another.

I agree it is hard to mention the fact you lived in the UK, because most people either think you are bragging, or think you are crazy for moving back. Either way, the conversation then shifts to what it was like living there, why you went, why you came back, etc... You never get to finish what you were talking about. Still, you can't avoid mentioning that time of your life, so I do find myself going ahead and mentioning things from time to time, but I pick and choose. If it is a person I won't see again, or a customer at work, I will gloss over it. If it is someone I will speak to often enough to somewhat get to know, then I still pick and choose what topics I think are important enough to risk the conversation shifting over.

It has been almost a year and two months for me. I still desperately miss some friends, and occasionally  miss places and things, but we recently moved, and are building a life in a new small city where one of my two best childhood/lifelong friends lives, and aren't too far of a drive from the other of my best childhood'lifelong friends. That really helps.

You will settle in quickly, I am sure, trading one fast paced city for another.

Thanks again guys! I love certain things about the US as well as the UK. I wish we could just combine them! I should probably stop worrying about it and just let things happen.