New here, obviously

Hi folks!

I'm a native Brit, currently in a long distance relationship with a truly spiffing man from New York. We're at that stage where we want to close the distance and get hitched, so we're looking at our options on where to live once we take the plunge.

Being the caring, considerate and all-round wonderful girlfriend that I am, I'm here to scope out the American experience of the UK, so if we did decide to live here, we would know what to expect.

Would love to hear from any New Yorkers who've made the move!

I think people's experiences are strongly based on what they're moving from and what they're moving to.  For example, someone moving from NYC to London might have an easier transition period than someone moving from NYC to Skegness. 

I'm not a New Yorker, but I grew up near Philadelphia, in an area that was very well connected regionally, nationally, and internationally.  For uni I moved to North Carolina, which, to me at the time felt extremely cut off from the rest of the world.  My parents subsequently moved to the Outer Banks; their nearest airport is over an hour away, there's only one terminal, and flights to/from there are all regional meaning at least 1 layover is always required.  For me, that transition has taken a lot more time to get used to than moving to from the US to Nottingham and now London.  Sometimes I miss the US, but can't quite pinpoint exactly what it is that I miss. 

It does help to have a supporting other half, but I'm not sure if he truly understands what it's like to completely uproot and transplant oneself into a different country/culture/life, and try to assimilate as best one can.  I think an open and honest conversation is required when deciding where to live, and a determination of whether you would both be willing to do the same.

Best of luck with your decision. 

Hi there

Welcome to the forum and a place which I have used extensively over the years. I was also the caring, considerate Brit girlfriend although we knew that hubby would be moving over here. I would have rather moved to the US but practically it made more sense to for him to be here and he really wanted to. He's probably as far removed from a New Yorker though, having grown up on a farm in Minnesota!

Hubby moved from a place where there are probably more lakes than people (well, not quite ) with neighbours quite some distance into a 2 bed roomed terraced house (houses everywhere!), on a cobbled street in an ole industrial town in Manchester. Poles apart... However, hubby has always been an anglophile and says he never feels he fitted in back in the States. He did come over 2 times to stay for a number of months each time before we got married and he is here for good and I think that really helped him in the transfer here. The first time he came sure was a culture shock but the second time cemented his wish to live here. He came in Winter both times and, being from Minnesota, laughed at our feeble attempts to manage winter. He is currently in the States now visiting family and has been desperate to get back (on Thursday)... I'm sure he must be mad. I've tried to escape the place but it never works

Anyway, good luck in your ventures!

Hiya and welcome to the forum.

Like PickledSakura, I too grew up right outside Philadelphia.  So I was used to all the big-city conveniences while living in the suburbs.  And as PickledSakura stated, it really depends on what his situation was in the States, and where he is moving to here. You said he's a New Yorker. Do you mean NYC, somewhere in the suburbs, upstate NY?  Big differences. Where would he be moving to here?

I moved to West Yorkshire, and a 5-minute walk to our town's center.  I'd say about 75% of my daily living is the same or very similar; 20% is significantly changed and 5% is radically changed.

The biggest differences, from my American perspective are as follows. They may not bother your man at all, however.

I walk a LOT more than I did in the USA. A LOT. I also carry lots of groceries home every week, rather than us going in the car. Why? Because town is close, I need the exercise and as you know, petrol is a fortune. This was probably the biggest change in my lifestyle. Even though we have a very big "American-style" frig, our cupboard space is limited, so it seems I am always shopping. I used to go 1x in 10 days in the states, or 1x a week at the most. Here it seems I go every few days.

The stores aren't open until 10 p.m. or later in my town like they were back home. That took getting used to as well. The town is completely shut down by 5:30-6 p.m. (aside from the pubs). I sometimes find this a bit depressing as I used to like to shop in the evenings. If your man is from NYC he might find this really annoying. I'm long past the "pizza at 2 a.m." stage, but it was nice to know I could get practically anything at any hour back home.

The minuscule washing machines, smaller rooms and non-existent closets in the home drive me batty to this day. For a family of 3, I have to wash every other day, and even though we have a drier, DH doesn't like to use it, so that means items are always hanging all over the house to dry in the winter. I wasn't used to that *at all* and it still bugs me, but I am getting used to it. If your man has a lot of "stuff" he may find is as annoying as I do that there never seems to be a place to put everything. Again, if he is from NYC, he is probably used to cramped spaces. I wasn't. My last home had huge rooms, cathedral ceilings, and walk-in closets (and was still 1/2 the price of our current home). So I felt rather cramped and claustrophobic when I came here.

Eating out is so expensive!  This was another thing that took some getting used to. I had to stop thinking in terms of what such and such would cost in America or I'd have never bought anything.

All that said, even in my middle age I am quite adaptable and tried to look at everything as a new adventure.   I do absolutely love living here and I only really miss the States when I am trying to cram a new outfit into my already bursting-at-the-seams wardrobe.

NYC to Skegness. 

This has a sound to it....

I was originally from NYC and I moved on a whim to London. 

My job is in Cambridge so I spent my first few months living there, and it was an awful culture shock.  I know my expectations going from the Upper East Side where anything and everything is available 24 hrs a day were a bit unrealistic, but I found Cambridge very stifling.  I still work there and now live in London.

Being I was living in a small basic apartment in Manhattan, coming to London was no big deal in terms of no car, small flat, amenities (I now have a dishwasher AND a clothes washer things I never had in my NYC apartment!).  I didn't care.  However, the thing that did, and still does get to me is having to plan food shopping, making reservations for restaurants, and the most appalling customer service. 

I used to do my food shopping at 11pm on a Tuesday night, or whenever I had an hour to fit it in.  Now if I forget and it's 6pm on a Sunday, I'm screwed.  OK, VERY minor problem I admit.   Probably the one that gets me is customer service.  There is none. This chaps me every time I need to make an inquiry on something or need a response.  YOu have to beg for attention and basically bully people into a response.  Again, I admit very minor first world difference, but it comes up OFTEN.

The final thing that surprised me when I came here was the amount people drink, and regularly.  I'd been living in NYC for years and the social scene is slightly more restrained when it comes to being seen falling down drunk in public.  I always associated being THAT drunk with stupid college kids, but I can probably be sure on any given night out I will see grown professional adults hammered enough to get sick in the corner or act belligerently.  It may be my perception, and I'm not exactly claiming to be teetotaller but the alcohol intake is definitely different to what I had been used to and I can't remotely keep up.     

Right back to the main subject - it all depends on where he will be moving to how big the adjustment is.  As someone mentioned NYC-London is probably the lowest in terms of culture shock.  The two cities have so much in common, yet are different enough to still be interesting.

Best of luck!
C     

Hi all, thanks for your replies and the warm welcome!

I think you've all hit the nail on the head - unfortunately, he'd be moving from working in Manhattan/living in Queens to a small suburban town in the South East, so it would take some adjusting, that's for sure. I definitely don't think he's prepared for things like the Sunday shutdown! I have a similar sense of culture shock when I go to stay in NYC - there are things there that really drive me nuts, too.

Ultimately, it's going to come down to employment opportunities and salaries, but I'd like to try and work through any potential problem areas before we decide. Is there anything you guys think I would have problems with relocating to the USA?

Edit: Also, maat1976 - he is similarly shocked about the amount/frequency we drink here, although hasn't had the opportunity to come face to face with the appalling customer service. Poor thing's just heard me moaning about it.