Why have tailgate parties not spread to the UK?

S

Sorry, that rant came out of nowhere.

(BTW, not directed at you, woadgrrl, or indeed anyone. Just a generalised rant)

I appreciate that you weren't having a go at me, or anyone in particular.  And since I can also understand, and in some ways share, your frustration, I was going to just let the thread go.  But after I thought about it for a while (long commutes will do that), I decided there were just a couple of points I wanted to make.

The first is that, while people might say, specifically, that they want Taco Bell/tailgate parties/Velveeta/insert American stuff (because cr*p is a matter of taste, for which there's no accounting)...I think that, more often than not, what they actually want is an aspect of culture or lifestyle which that thing represents.

To use the handy example of tailgating, while I neither desire nor expect that the phenomenon should spread to the UK-- I'm perfectly happy with it remaining a uniquely American tradition-- I will say that it might be nice if certain of the contributing cultural aspects were more prevalent in the UK. 

The (admittedly, fairly silly & pointless) article claims that tailgate parties originated with college football, but I think that's a very narrow view; they didn't just pop up, out of nowhere, a complete invention.  I would argue that they're an extension of the kind of local community support that develops around school sports: booster clubs, chili suppers, Homecoming celebrations, etc.  And that sports-related activity becomes a core, around which other types of community activity and involvement can grow.  I think tailgating is popular in the US not because of the beer and burgers, but because, whether people realise it or not, it helps to spread that sense of community more widely, and make people feel connected. 

I'll admit that I do miss that sense of community.  Perhaps it exists in other places in the UK, but it's certainly missing here (in one of the smallest & most 'tightly-knit' areas of the country), and seemed completely alien to my husband, who found it one of the most impressive things about his visit to the U.S.  If there were some way to capture that sense of community cohesion-- in whatever local, natural, culturally appropriate way it manifested-- not only would it make my job (community development) a hell of a lot easier, it would honestly make me happier.

Which brings me to my last point.  You wrote:

[T]hey want to live in a foreign country yet have nothing be foreign, apparently.

I understand what you're saying, and you're absolutely right.  It's as ridiculous as the girl I was in Spain with, for study abroad, who refused to eat anything but ice cream because it was all 'gross and weird', and whose Spanish skills were evidently limited to the verb 'odiar'.  Why on earth did she choose to go on the trip, with an attitude like that? 

But you're assuming that every expat wants to be an expat.  Yes, they obviously all made a decision to move abroad.  They didn't wake up there one morning, by accident.  But that decision wasn't necessarily the result of some life-long dream of adventure, or a thirst for new experiences, or a deep dissatisfaction with their homeland.  For some people, it was merely the least bad option, the lesser evil.  Depending on the circumstances, people might not even be conscious of having other options. 

For those folks, 'American cr*p'-- or British, or French, or Mexican, or Polish, or whatever, because it's a universally human tendency-- can be a lifeline, a touchstone, a beacon; having them can make a person feel slightly less lost, even momentarily, and longing for them can keep a person going, moving forward in the hope of going home someday, even if it's just for a visit.

I realise that seems like rather a lot of baggage to attach to Velveeta.  But on a fundamental level, for some people, it's true.  (Plus, much as I love a nice, ripe camembert, if you put it in a bowl, with salsa, and microwave it...I don't think I'd want to dip anything in the result.)

So, I'll throw this out there for everyone, with no intention of directing it at Historyenne, or MeShell, or any other individual: 

By all means, people should feel free to enjoy, marvel at, revel in, and/or vastly prefer all things British.  And they should also feel free to ignore and/or avoid the Debbie Downer expats who act more like exiles than explorers, if they find them (understandably) annoying.  But please, at the very least, acknowledge that those people's journey to and experience of expat life is different, that they're allowed to feel as miserable as they want to about it, and that, for them, those feelings are equally valid-- while you run far, far away from them.

You're right of course, and I do appreciate that a lot of people are here for reasons other than loving the UK. You in particular woadgrrl, are in what sounds like a really frustrating situation that would test anyone's fortitude, and I'm really sorry that your experience of living here has not been as nice as it could and should have been. The only thing I would stay in response is that having those cultural touchstones is fine, great even (I am frequently guilty of going to a local American goods store and paying a ridiculous price for Cheetos) but I genuinely believe that clinging to them is unhealthy and can prevent people from fully accepting and adjusting to their circumstances. "I wish I could eat Taco Bell" (or live in a culture where drive thru Mexican is a common thing) quickly becomes "What is wrong with this stupid country that they don't undertstand Mexican food or drive thrus?" Instead of thinking about, understanding, and accepting that different cultures are different, it becomes an exercise in blame and recrimination. This (in my experience) happens whether the person intends it to or not, and isn't healthy for anyone--either the expat or the people who have to listen to them.

So I would say to all Americans in the UK, whatever their situations, by all means continue to miss things, to wish you could have things, to be exasperated with the things in the new country that annoy you, but blaming the UK for not being American enough and wanting to change it by bringing in American things that I think we can all agree simply wouldn't work here, like tailgating, is toxic behaviour that brings no benefit to anyone.

You in particular woadgrrl, are in what sounds like a really frustrating situation that would test anyone's fortitude, and I'm really sorry that your experience of living here has not been as nice as it could and should have been.

Well, thanks for that, but the truth is that, for me personally, it's really not that bad.  Many times, and in many ways, I'm quite happy, and well-adjusted to life in Scotland.  If it seems otherwise on this forum, I suppose it's because this is my only real 'safe space' to vent my occasional frustrations, without feeling guilty about making my loved ones feel guilty. 

I think there are often people who pop up here in much greater difficulty than I've experienced (though maybe that's also a skewed impression), and I just feel strongly that, while most people's first instinct is (understandably) to try to cheer-up and encourage those folks, and while a certain amount of that might even be helpful, as a community, we should be prepared to validate (which is not the same as agreeing with) those feelings, and to accept that there's no 'right' or 'wrong', and that the ideal outcome isn't the same for everyone.  Some people are simply never going to be happy with, or adjust well to life here, and that's not just a matter of not trying hard enough.   

Also, while you're absolutely right that an over-attachment or idealisation of these things can be unhealthy, and counterproductive, for some people, it's still a way to cope.  I don't think it's a case of 'let go of xyz, and everything will be better.'  It's a case of 'when things are genuinely better, or when you feel ready to make them better, you'll feel able to let go of xyzl'

They do have posh tailgate parties in the posh parking lot at thicken ham for rugby. Hubby and I parked in the lot once and saw loads do folks eating from he back of cars.

Might not tailgating be a rough equivalent of Bonfire Night parties?  There are your sausages and camaraderie.

Statement: I have been neither to a tailgate party nor a pre-match pub visit.

Bearing this in mind, is it true that perhaps tailgate parties are more conducive to female participation? Therefore perhaps there is a more peaceful/communal social kind of thing going on? Or something. Could it be that tailgate parties developed as a way for families to be involved in the activity of sport watching. 

Statement: I have been neither to a tailgate party nor a pre-match pub visit.

Bearing this in mind, is it true that perhaps tailgate parties are more conducive to female participation? Therefore perhaps there is a more peaceful/communal social kind of thing going on? Or something. Could it be that tailgate parties developed as a way for families to be involved in the activity of sport watching. 

Not really. As a football (UK) fan then the experience of the pub pre-match can be similar. Depends what pub you choose to go in, on message boards people will discuss the best pub to go to at away games, some are away fan friendly, others might be home only. Some pubs will be family friendly.
On my clubs site we get landlords of pubs close to the team we are playing coming on saying they welcome us, the facilities, what food etc.
The local pub I go in prior to home games also has away fans in and it is generally a very friendly atmosphere with rival fans chatting - part of that I think is that it's very much a real ale pub and it's attracting real ale drinkers from the visiting team that have checked out the pubs prior to coming, and I tend to find that real ale drinkers aren't the sort of folk that get into fighting after a few beers.
The owner of the pub/brewery is actually from Blackpool and a fan of their team. When Barnsley played Blackpool there were loads of their fans there, I'd never seen so many visiting fans but it was a really great atmosphere. I then saw the owner come in with his young son and they were both wearing Blackpool colours - I had a chat with him and said "Have you been touting the pub on the Blackpool site?" and he said he had, I then said I didn't blame him! He'd even got a "Tangerine" (their nickname) beer for them!