I need advice

I dont realy know how to start this...im not used to ''airing'' my personal business.....but i do need some advice here...and im hoping you can help

I divorsed my american hubby....he has custody...we never went to court for that cuz i knew it would be better for them to remain in the states with him...much easier for the kids i thought.

I have been calling regularly...but then we hit a bad spot financially...so i didnt call for 4 weeks...yes...i know thats bad...but it couldnt be helped...

I just called to talk to the kids on sunday...he refused  to let me speak to them...he claims im playing mind games with them because i didnt call.

Is there anything i can do?  we have no formal arangement...nothing with the courts.  The main problem is money....we dont have any to spare until i am able to work....what can i do?

any help would be great...even if its just an idea

Thanks

This is obviously a subject that is beyond the scope of a forum, but as far as courts go, they'll tend to want two things. Firstly stability, and secondly if at all possible a balanced relationship with both sets of parents.

That's the legal. As for what you should do if your ex won't let you speak to the kids - Obviously try to reason with him. This is not always easy due to emotion and personality but for the children's sake and even from a legal standpoint you should be shown to be making the effort. Sometimes the best approach is a written one. This would also hold true for the kids. Write to them and often. Even if you feel they may not be getting your letters - do it for yourself. By often I mean at least once a week, and be consistant. This will mean a tremendous amount to your children, and may in time show your ex you are serious about your relationship with your kids.

Hi Tamara, I'm in a similar situation to you, and will be opening a private board for absent parents support in the near future so that these things are private.

Firstly, ((((((hugs))))))

I've always read that a court frowns on interference with visits, and telephone calls are a part of your visits. I'm no expert, each state is different. Maybe if you tried speaking to Legal Aid in your home state/city they might be able to help.

Leah

There's something else going on here if he's refusing to let you talk to the kids after only a month's "absence."  You definitely need to get a hold of some kind of counsel in your home state.

You also need to have some sort of custody written up - NEVER a good idea to not have it in writing.  Puts the kids in limbo if anything were to happen to either parent, really.  Also doesn't protect you at all in trying to assert visitation, especially if you ever want to have them come to the UK.

You may want to go back to the States to take care of all this in person - and to make sure that HE hasn't tried to do anything "legal" in your absence.  I know you say money is an issue (trust me, I can sympathise with this completely), but you have to weigh your future with your kids against the money you'll have to spend.  It's too easy for your ex to do something underhanded whilst you're not there to defend yourself.

First and foremost - contact a lawyer or legal aid.  Second - as biggest_apple said, write the kids - often.  Keep copies if possible, so you have some sort of proof of your attempts to stay in contact.  And sign up for One-Tel if you don't have it - calls to the States are rather cheap.  And use e-mail if that's possible.  Then you'll have an electronic record of contact as well.

You need to protect yourself - and your children, because they'll only suffer if your ex continues to play games like this.

Again - something else is going on, though.  If you have friends or family in the States close to your ex and kids, you might want to sound them out on the situation.

I wish you best of luck, Tamara.

I'm in much the same situation, Tamara.  

1.  Keep calling on a regular basis and make a log of each time you call and if you got to speak with the kids or not and if you did, for how long.  Log anything that was said by your ex as well.

2.  Writing letters is good too.  If you can't call, do write and do let your ex know and the kids, why you are unable to call and encourage letter contact.

3.  Absolutely get in touch with an attorney in your state in the US.  There's a few ways to do this.  I recommend checking with your state's bar association, which should be easily found on the web and then call them for a referral.  This is probably the best way to ensure you are getting someone reputable unless you have a solid word of mouth recommendation or you already know of a lawyer you would like to use.  

I understand about money being tight and such.  Unfortunately, with no solid agreement in place, you are at your ex's mercy.  I will say that he cannot go to Court and take legal action unless the Court is satisfied that you have either been notified or attempts have been made to serve you with papers to no avail.  Theoretically, even if he did and had some kind of order in place, you could still go to Court and there's no Court in the US that is going to say that a non-custodial parent doesn't have the right to some type of visitation.  Unless your ex has some very damning evidence that any kind of contact between you and the children would be harmful to them (HIGHLY unlikely), then it's just not going to fly.  There's no way he can keep these kids from you and not get legal retribution for it.  

SO, with all that said, find an attorney.  Get something in place and protect YOUR rights.  The idea of shelling out the money is daunting.  Most attorneys will take payments.  Borrow if you have to.  There's no way those children should be kept from you.