Hello from SylviasChild

Hello, everyone!
I am applying for British Citizenship by Descent (born before 1983 to a British mother). Here's hoping that no snafus arise.
I would dearly love to move to the UK in ten years or so when retirement time comes around. I've been there many times, including a term at a London University in my student days. My mother's family have pretty much died off but I don't mind starting out alone. My quandary comes from the family I'd be leaving behind. I have such mixed feelings! I want so much to realize my dream of living in England but one of my three grown children is deeply saddened by the idea of mom moving so far away from her.
Naturally, I will miss them all very much but I'm single now and am thinking more and more about pursuing my own happiness... selfish, I know.
I was a voracious reader as a child and most of what I read were children's books sent to me by my British grandparents, ie: Enid Blyton. I was teased when starting school at age five for having an English accent - the product of being raised by a stay-at-home English mother and not being sent to nursery, I suppose. Anyway, everything about England gives me the warm-fuzzies because my formative years were spent with lots of exposure to Britishness.
Any tips on how to handle family separation and the possible resentment of children left behind that don't involve multiple expensive trips back and forth between countries?
Thanks so much!

I think multiple expensive trips are par for the course when you move away.  Even if it's just to another state.  My parents and I have a deal where they come here once I year and I go there once a year.  It works well.

I think the biggest thing you have to do is realise you are doing this FOR you, not AGAINST them.  It's okay for you to want a life outside theirs.

That being said, now that I'm a woman in my thirties, married, and with a child, I would LOVE for my parents to be closer.  I hate that I don't see them frequently.  But Facetime gets us through and my daughter DOES know who they are.  It's just "not the same."  (I came here temporarily when I was single, so life has changed a lot)

I would just ask everyone to have an open mind and for you to have a big credit card limit for flights, and all will be fine.  There are several members here who have moved away from adult children who can offer more advice. 

Thanks, KFdancer, for the words of wisdom. One trip for me back to the US and one trip for her to the UK yearly should be financially do-able. And I really appreciate not being negatively judged for my desire to fulfill my own wishes at my age. :-)

Hi SylviasChild!

I love reading that you are making a choice to satisfy YOU. I think sometimes that we give so much of ourselves to our families that we forget what we want for ourselves.

I'm not single but I'm moving with my English husband back to the UK in 2019. My two youngest children are dual-citizens and will be coming with us. My oldest son is American only and has a wife and three young children.

He will be staying behind. When I told him of our plans, he didn't take the news well. He has tried to make me feel guilty that I won't be seeing my three grandchildren grow up. He piles that guilt pretty thickly actually and it's been a bit exhausting, to be honest.

It's funny to me because he was three when we left the US and moved to England when I married his stepfather. His father in Houston and I worked very hard to make sure our son always communicated with his Dad. In a world before Skype and wide-spread internet (1995), we did old-fashioned letter writing, daily phone calls, cassette tape recordings of his Dad reading him stories for him to listen to at night and when my son learned to read, he sent some back to his Dad, and yearly visits to Houston for us and visits from his Dad. Ironically, we moved to Houston in 2008 so my son could be closer to his father. His father lives 15 miles away but now only sees our son and our grandchildren twice a year. I'm guessing that's why my son has reacted badly to me leaving since I invite him and his family for dinner every week.

We live in a world where communication is so much easier. Of course, all the technology in the world won't replace being in each other's physical presence but it doesn't have to be that bad. I speak to about the impending move in only positive terms. He's now starting to realize that it's not the end of the world. He likes the idea of Grandma taking his children off their hands for a summer (my husband doesn't know about that yet!! I'll be needing to do "positive talk" about THAT on him!) or spending Christmas in a cold country in winter without 80F heat or that I will be sending along parcels and read them stories through Skype.

It will all work out, you'll see!


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I think you guys are really, really, really being overly considerate of the views of your adult children. 

Maybe I've got a different view since I've been an adult I've expected my parents to let me live my own life and they have.  Conversely, I do not expect them to run their lives with my desires as their first priority.  At some point , I don't have a bedroom at their house anymore, but I can visit. 

Obviously, all family relationships are relative and it's just my opinion, but in my opinion those kids are adults and should respect your desires to go on and live your life. 

I totally get where you're coming from jimbocz.

In my case, my son is just being a brat. His behavior is not stopping me from moving. If it were up to me, I would have moved years ago but it's the £62,500 I don't have yet that's keeping me here.

I lost my Mom when I was 10 and my 45-year-old father didn't know what to do about me since my sister was 18. I sort of grew up on my own. I moved 750 miles away, married at 19, had this son at 21 and divorced his Dad at 22. I moved to England and married again at 26. I lived a whole world away from my family so his real neediness is hard on me because I know what it's like to be alone. But then I remember that he's a grown-up with a family and I'm all "F--- That!" I tell him what he wants to hear and then sort of tune him out.

What's the worst is listening to the judgement of others and how I should feel guilty for leaving and such. Most days, I just brush it off. On the few days that I'm feeling a little low, it affects me. Then I'll eat some chocolate, drink some wine and my mood is back up and my "F--- That!" attitude kicks in.


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I totally get where you're coming from jimbocz.

In my case, my son is just being a brat. His behavior is not stopping me from moving. If it were up to me, I would have moved years ago but it's the £62,500 I don't have yet that's keeping me here.

I lost my Mom when I was 10 and my 45-year-old father didn't know what to do about me since my sister was 18. I sort of grew up on my own. I moved 750 miles away, married at 19, had this son at 21 and divorced his Dad at 22. I moved to England and married again at 26. I lived a whole world away from my family so his real neediness is hard on me because I know what it's like to be alone. But then I remember that he's a grown-up with a family and I'm all "F--- That!" I tell him what he wants to hear and then sort of tune him out.

What's the worst is listening to the judgement of others and how I should feel guilty for leaving and such. Most days, I just brush it off. On the few days that I'm feeling a little low, it affects me. Then I'll eat some chocolate, drink some wine and my mood is back up and my "F--- That!" attitude kicks in.


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If the pound keeps dropping at the rate that it currently is, soon you'll only need about $10 to qualify.   

Lorenausuk, I value hearing from someone who will be dealing with something similar to me, thanks for your story and good luck! (And you did wonderfully at keeping in touch w/your oldest son's dad when you lived so far away. That took major effort in the pre-tech days.)

Jimbocz, I am trying to tell myself that I'm giving too much consideration to my adult children's views/feelings but whenever I've mentioned the subject to friends or co-workers, they, too, seem astounded that I would leave behind my family. Definitely negative vibes! Yet, if a grown child moves away from his/her parents, no one bats an eye.

We'll most likely be retiring in the UK, which will leave our adult children in 2 different and far apart states in the US. I've visited two or three times a year while we've lived overseas, and while it hasn't been ideal it's about as much as I'd see them if we retired in the US. An 8.5 hour flight isn't much more than the current 5 hour flight to get to see our daughter, so I just put it like that when there are any negative comments. I have to add that the kids are fine with us living where we are happy, and friends and colleagues seem to think that we are "abandoning" our kids!
The truth is that you can't build your life around those of your offspring, and it's great that you're thinking of YOUR future. Good luck 

Thanks, Fruitgum!
All three of my children live locally right now but that may not be the case when I retire ten years from now. I've thought the same as you... if they scatter across the US, my living in England shouldn't be too much of a hardship for them, lol!

I hate to sound like Son of Sailor, but I can only think that you are all (I think) female that makes you care so much about what other people think.  It's  never even entered my mind what my friends and work colleagues think of my life decisions.  Should I care about that?  Am I some kind of psychopath?

I totally get where you're coming from jimbocz.

In my case, my son is just being a brat. His behavior is not stopping me from moving. If it were up to me, I would have moved years ago but it's the £62,500 I don't have yet that's keeping me here.

I lost my Mom when I was 10 and my 45-year-old father didn't know what to do about me since my sister was 18. I sort of grew up on my own. I moved 750 miles away, married at 19, had this son at 21 and divorced his Dad at 22. I moved to England and married again at 26. I lived a whole world away from my family so his real neediness is hard on me because I know what it's like to be alone. But then I remember that he's a grown-up with a family and I'm all "F--- That!" I tell him what he wants to hear and then sort of tune him out.

What's the worst is listening to the judgement of others and how I should feel guilty for leaving and such. Most days, I just brush it off. On the few days that I'm feeling a little low, it affects me. Then I'll eat some chocolate, drink some wine and my mood is back up and my "F--- That!" attitude kicks in.


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Funniest post I've read in a while.

I hate to sound like Son of Sailor, but I can only think that you are all (I think) female that makes you care so much about what other people think.  It's  never even entered my mind what my friends and work colleagues think of my life decisions.  Should I care about that?  Am I some kind of psychopath?

Yup, I'm female. I admit that other people's judgements of me/my actions does affect my feelings somewhat... but ultimately I do what I want to do. I've often gone against the well-meaning advice of others... hence my abandonment of a financially secure future, post-university graduation, for a stint in Key West working on boats and in bars.
As for your being a psychopath, only your therapist knows for sure! 

I'm just wondering if you are a Dr. Hook fan...

I'm just wondering if you are a Dr. Hook fan...

 That would be my grandmother :-)